was beating hard as I ran to get my slippers. I could hear Rani’s voice: ‘Rahul, Rahul, where are you?’
‘Rahul, I’m leaving. Thanks, and we’ll chat soon,’ Ranjan’s voice called out and I heard Mr Bose say goodbye to my parents. I could not bear to see Ranjan and Shubho right then. A minute later, I heard the Fiat start up. It turned around in the driveway and made its way out towards the main gate. I watched the tail lights grow dim and finally disappear. A faint smell of the exhaust smoke wafted across the garden as I made my way back to the palace.
That night, as I lay in bed, I kept thinking of Shubho and the way he had looked at me. I wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. I ran my fingers over my lips and wondered if Shubho’s lips would be soft and yielding like mine or firm and hard. I wondered if his face would gently scrape mine and felt my groin harden again. Then I thought about Ranjan. If he ever found out about my feelings for his brother, he would make my life miserable. This was dangerous territory and I would have to be very careful not to let anyone know how I felt. As I thought of how Suresh Khosla and his gang would mock me and make sure that Mrs Joshi humiliated me, I felt hopeless. I thought about Shubho again and felt an unbearable craving to touch his body, to be close to him. I had never felt such longing before.
5
Saturday Evening. San Francisco.
‘I don’t want to keep talking on the phone. Let me tell you the rest in person,’ I said as I poured myself a glass of water. ‘Want to meet for a drink?’ I wanted to see Andrew with an urgency that was almost physical in its intensity.
‘Okay,’ Andrew said after a few moments of silence. ‘But I just want to hear the rest of the story. I am not coming home with you. Not that easily.’
‘Let us meet at the Tunnel Top on Bush Street,’ I said, trying to contain my excitement. ‘They make the best cocktails and it’s not too noisy. I’ll continue my story there.’
I got dressed in a hurry. Though Andrew had warned me, I was determined to bring him back. I reached the Tunnel Top in half an hour. I had walked, not wanting to lose my parking space in Russian Hill. I figured we could take a cab home if I could manage to pacify him somehow. And then I waited for the longest twenty minutes of my life.
‘Expecting someone?’ the bartender asked me with a knowing smile.
‘Uhuh.’
I stood up when Andrew walked in. He looked as strained and miserable as I felt. He gave me a perfunctory kiss on thecheek, turning away from my mouth. I hugged him, but he stiffened and I stepped back, feeling rejected.
‘What will you have?’ I asked after a moment.
‘A Manhattan.’
I ordered two Manhattans.
‘You look like hell,’ he said.
‘So do you.’
We raised our glasses.
‘To no more secrets,’ Andrew said with a grim smile.
I nodded silently, feeling a deep anxiety at the thought of spending a night without him.
May 1973. Hyderabad.
I woke up with a start the day after Day Spend—Rani was shaking me hard.
‘Wake up, sleepyhead,’ she said rudely.
I groaned. I had been dreaming about Shubho in the garden. We were snuggling high up in the gulmohar tree, hiding from Ranjan and Rani in a game of hide and seek. It was the perfect revenge after Ranjan’s behaviour and Rani’s complicity in excluding me from the swings. I blinked as I adjusted to the harsh morning light.
‘Today is mango-pickle-making day. Mallika Didi is coming. Don’t you want to get up and get ready?’
I sat up, excited at the thought of seeing Mallika. I quickly brushed my teeth and started to get dressed. It was cool inside the palace, even though I could feel the heat building up when I went out to the veranda.
Mallika arrived just after lunch.
‘Sorry I am late,’ she said as she got out of the car, smoothing her clothes and shaking her hair out. She waswearing a flowered skirt and a blouse, her slim shoulders and arms
‘Rahul, I’m leaving. Thanks, and we’ll chat soon,’ Ranjan’s voice called out and I heard Mr Bose say goodbye to my parents. I could not bear to see Ranjan and Shubho right then. A minute later, I heard the Fiat start up. It turned around in the driveway and made its way out towards the main gate. I watched the tail lights grow dim and finally disappear. A faint smell of the exhaust smoke wafted across the garden as I made my way back to the palace.
That night, as I lay in bed, I kept thinking of Shubho and the way he had looked at me. I wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. I ran my fingers over my lips and wondered if Shubho’s lips would be soft and yielding like mine or firm and hard. I wondered if his face would gently scrape mine and felt my groin harden again. Then I thought about Ranjan. If he ever found out about my feelings for his brother, he would make my life miserable. This was dangerous territory and I would have to be very careful not to let anyone know how I felt. As I thought of how Suresh Khosla and his gang would mock me and make sure that Mrs Joshi humiliated me, I felt hopeless. I thought about Shubho again and felt an unbearable craving to touch his body, to be close to him. I had never felt such longing before.
5
Saturday Evening. San Francisco.
‘I don’t want to keep talking on the phone. Let me tell you the rest in person,’ I said as I poured myself a glass of water. ‘Want to meet for a drink?’ I wanted to see Andrew with an urgency that was almost physical in its intensity.
‘Okay,’ Andrew said after a few moments of silence. ‘But I just want to hear the rest of the story. I am not coming home with you. Not that easily.’
‘Let us meet at the Tunnel Top on Bush Street,’ I said, trying to contain my excitement. ‘They make the best cocktails and it’s not too noisy. I’ll continue my story there.’
I got dressed in a hurry. Though Andrew had warned me, I was determined to bring him back. I reached the Tunnel Top in half an hour. I had walked, not wanting to lose my parking space in Russian Hill. I figured we could take a cab home if I could manage to pacify him somehow. And then I waited for the longest twenty minutes of my life.
‘Expecting someone?’ the bartender asked me with a knowing smile.
‘Uhuh.’
I stood up when Andrew walked in. He looked as strained and miserable as I felt. He gave me a perfunctory kiss on thecheek, turning away from my mouth. I hugged him, but he stiffened and I stepped back, feeling rejected.
‘What will you have?’ I asked after a moment.
‘A Manhattan.’
I ordered two Manhattans.
‘You look like hell,’ he said.
‘So do you.’
We raised our glasses.
‘To no more secrets,’ Andrew said with a grim smile.
I nodded silently, feeling a deep anxiety at the thought of spending a night without him.
May 1973. Hyderabad.
I woke up with a start the day after Day Spend—Rani was shaking me hard.
‘Wake up, sleepyhead,’ she said rudely.
I groaned. I had been dreaming about Shubho in the garden. We were snuggling high up in the gulmohar tree, hiding from Ranjan and Rani in a game of hide and seek. It was the perfect revenge after Ranjan’s behaviour and Rani’s complicity in excluding me from the swings. I blinked as I adjusted to the harsh morning light.
‘Today is mango-pickle-making day. Mallika Didi is coming. Don’t you want to get up and get ready?’
I sat up, excited at the thought of seeing Mallika. I quickly brushed my teeth and started to get dressed. It was cool inside the palace, even though I could feel the heat building up when I went out to the veranda.
Mallika arrived just after lunch.
‘Sorry I am late,’ she said as she got out of the car, smoothing her clothes and shaking her hair out. She waswearing a flowered skirt and a blouse, her slim shoulders and arms
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