The Love Sucks Club by Beth Burnett Page A

fight, but I’m not willing to try to figure it out. I’m a lover, not a
fighter and she’s got all of that suppressed rage on her side. Continuing to
walk at a brisk, but not rushed pace, I weigh my options. I could duck into one
of these businesses in the hope that she would get bored and leave. If I did
that, she would know that she’s freaked me out. If she decided to wait me out,
I’d be stuck in the store. I’m saved from making the decision by the ring of my
cell phone. Fumbling it out of my pocket, I’m relieved to see Sam on the
display.
    “Dude.”
    “What’s up?”
    “I’m walking down Magnolia being somewhat slowly chased by my
ex-girlfriend.”
    “Near what?”
    “That scary bar where the
prostitutes hang out on Saturdays.”
    “I’m on Steel. See you in less than ten minutes.” She hangs up and
I toss the phone back into my pocket. Sam will be coming from the other
direction, so I need to get across the street. Voldemort is still pacing me.
Some panicked voice inside of me is telling me that she wants to kill me. This
is ridiculous. It’s broad daylight. Yet, every time I think about crossing the
street, I see a vision of myself flipping over her hood. I’d be worried she was
going to kidnap me and break my legs in the fashion of “Misery,” but since
she’s about to be evicted, I can’t imagine where she’d keep me. Still, I can
see her standing over my bed with a hammer. I’m starting to freak myself out.
    Assessing my situation, I notice a couple of guys hanging out in
front of the bar across the street. They look pretty shady, but I’m willing to
bet that even my ex wouldn’t run me over in front of a couple of witnesses.
Checking the street lets me know that there is no one coming from the opposite
direction. I can’t hear any engine noise but hers, so I’m pretty sure there is
no one else behind me. It’s time to make a break for it. Without warning, I
make a quick dart into the street. Running for the space
between two parked cars that will come out directly in front of the dudes in
front of the bar, I chance a glance back over my shoulder. Voldemort is
staring at me with her mouth hanging open, though whether she’s amused or
surprised, I can’t say. Tensing to make the small jump onto the curb, a chicken
wanders out from under the parked car. I have just enough time to realize that
I can’t miss it before my foot slams into the stupid bird. Squawking, the
chicken goes flying toward the men and I go flying face down toward the
pavement. My hands spring out automatically and I land hard on both hands and
one knee. The chicken slams into the leg of one guy, who swears and kicks at
it. It goes screaming away, scolding me in a high pitch screech the whole way.
The other guy stands over me.
    “You okay?”
    He reaches a hand down and I grab it, letting him haul me up. I
can hear my ex laughing wildly from her car. Without looking back, I lift my
arm in the air behind me and flip her off. Stupid cow. She peels off and I thank the man who helped me up. Limping a few steps tells
me that nothing is broken. Stupid island . Why the hell
are there farm animals everywhere? The two men are staring at my back. I can
feel their eyes on me. A couple of cars pass as I’m pacing. Finally, Sam pulls
up.
    She skips the formalities and goes straight for the scoop. “What
the hell?”
    “She-who-shall-not-be-named apparently found me in the street
during one of my fits.”
    “Dude, it’s time to get you to a doctor.”
    “I don’t think a doctor can help me.”
    “Seriously, what happened?”
    Mimicking her tone, I parrot back to her. “Seriously, why aren’t
you back at work?”
    She shakes her head and glares at me. “Captain sent me out to get
some primer.”
    “I was lucky you were so close.”
    Instead of answering, she stares out the windshield, concentrating
on the road. Lost in thought, it takes me a while to realize that we are
nowhere near my house.
    “Look, I just want