too.”
He adjusted his hat with his left hand and looked away for a minute. Almost as if he was afraid to admit something. “Yeah. Sometimes it is tough. It’s not like my mom and dad have ever said ‘do this’ or ‘accomplish that’ or we’ll kick you out—” he smiled at me— “but I’ve grown up with this expectation . Like everybody expects me to be the star quarterback—to get picked up by the Pac-12, and get good grades. To be Kellen Peterson.” His voice held a bitter note. “Whoever that is.” He rubbed his forehead like maybe he had a headache.
“I know exactly what you mean.” And surprisingly, I meant it. The pressure to be Ivy Ly, the symphony showcase, who would be a world-class surgeon one day was ever-present, every day. To always be taking my playing—and my life—to the next level. To excel.
“The weirdest part?” Kellen’s face looked so honest and open. In that instant I caught a glimpse behind the ‘star quarterback’ curtain that he draped himself in and saw the young man turning the wheel to make himself appear bigger and better than real life. “Now I expect it of myself. Sometimes—” he hesitated and leaned toward me, his voice low enough that only I could hear him— “I’m afraid I’ll fail, Ivy. Fail myself. Everybody.” A shadow crossed his face. “Especially now.”
Something happened to me in that moment. It was a feeling I’d never experienced before in my entire life. It was like my heart zinged. And I’m pretty sure that empty place inside me wasn’t quite as empty any more.
“What are you two whispering about over here?” Mira swung her black sparkly messenger bag off her shoulder and swung it onto her lap as she sat down. Her hair was dyed entirely black today. It was a bit shocking, actually. Even for me, and I was used to her extreme wardrobe.
“Nothing,” I said in my most casual voice, not looking at Q. “Just some homework stuff.”
She was wearing a black and red Michael Jackson Thriller t-shirt where he looked like a zombie in mid-dance step, his hands swung up to the side like claws. She was wearing black pants, white socks and black penny loafers to complete the ensemble. Only Mira could pull it off, but I knew for a fact that she could dance Thriller to perfection, because we played the Wii dance version and she killed it every time.
“Well, I’m here to save you,” she said. “In honor of it being Thriller day—”
“It’s Thriller day?” Q asked with a puzzled look.
“Just in Mira’s world.” I reassured him.
Mira dug through her bag. “Look what I’ve got!” She pulled out an entire box of Twinkies and grinned. “Brain food!”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kellen
I was quiet when my mom picked me up after school to take me to physical therapy. God, were emotional info-dumps a symptom of TBI too? I couldn’t believe what I’d revealed to Ivy. Since when did I let anyone know I was afraid I might fail? I barely admitted it to myself.
Uncomfortable, I shifted in my seat, but there was no getting away from the truth I’d spilled. It was out there now. I leaned my head back against the head rest and sighed. Hopefully, Ivy would keep it to herself. At least she hadn’t said anything to Mira. In front me, anyway. I sighed again. What a train wreck I’d become.
My teeth pulled at my lower lip as I stared out the window and wondered what Ivy’s home life was really like. I hadn’t had enough time to ask her what she wanted to major in at college. Or where she even wanted to go to college. But I was sure she had her future mapped out as clearly as her brother’s. Surprisingly, I wanted to know the answers.
“Everything okay, honey?” My mom’s question broke up my thoughts.
“Yeah. It’s fine. I was just thinking about something Ivy said.”
“Ivy’s your tutor?”
“Yep.” I looked at the window again. We were passing the little league fields where I’d grown up playing baseball. I wondered where Ivy
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