The Kid Who Ran For President by Dan Gutman Page B

didn’t really like the color of the briefcase, but my mother always told me that when someone gave me a gift I should pretend I loved it, whether I really liked it or not.
    â€œThank you, Mr. President,” I said. “I can hardly wait to use it.”
    The president looked horrified. The chief justice leaned over and whispered into my ear.
    â€œThat briefcase,” he said, “contains the instructions for launching nuclear missiles in case there is an attack on the United States. Keep it by your side always.”
    Oops! One minute into my presidency and I had already goofed! I leaned back to the former president and told him that I hoped I would never have to use his “gift.”
    When the crowd settled down and everyone in the stands took their seats, I stepped up to the microphone. Lane had worked hard on my Inaugural Address.
    â€œMy fellow Americans,” I said, hearing the words echo a second after I spoke them. “When I was running for president, I said you should vote for me because I didn’t know anything about politics. I didn’t know how to raise taxes. I didn’t know how to ruin the economy. I didn’t know how to get us into a war. I said you should vote for me because I didn’t know anything. ”
    The crowd chuckled in appreciation.
    â€œWell, that was two months ago, and I’m very proud to say that … (Lane told me to pause here) I still don’t know anything!”
    The crowd roared in approval.
    â€œLet’s face it,” I continued, “I’m a kid. I’m going to need a lot of help from all of you. Kids and grown-ups. Men and women. Rich and poor. People of all races. Will you help me?”
    â€œ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! ” the crowd thundered.
    â€œMy fellow Americans. President Theodore Roosevelt gave the country what he called a Square Deal. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave the country a New Deal. President Truman gave us a Fair Deal. Today I say this to America — Let’s make a deal.”
    Everybody went nuts.
    â€œHere’s the deal I offer America — I’ll help you all if you all help me. I’m not a Republican, so you Democrats have no reason to oppose me. I’m not a Democrat, so you Republicans have no reason to oppose me. But if we all work together, we can guide our nation together.”
    There was too much applause to continue, so I let it die down until everybody could hear me.
    â€œTogether, we can clean up the environment,” I announced. “Together, we can educate children and take care of our senior citizens. Together, we can put an end to crime, an end to poverty, an end to unemployment, an end to substance abuse, an end to peace in the world.”
    There was a gasp. I looked at my speech and saw that I had skipped a line.
    â€œI mean, we’re going to have peace in the world.”
    A thunderous ovation rolled across the Mall.
    â€œThe twentieth century is over, the twenty-first is well under way. We’ve got a lot of work to do. So, America, I ask you, ARE YOU READY TO RUMMMMMBLE?”
    â€œYEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
    â€œLet’s get it on,” I concluded.
    They didn’t stop applauding for twenty minutes.



Text copyright © 1996 by Dan Gutman. All rights reserved.
Published by Scholastic Inc. SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
This book was originally published in hardcover by Scholastic Press in 1996.
    This edition first printing, June 2012
    Cover art by Paper Dog Studio
Cover design by Yaffa Jaskoll
    e-ISBN 978-0-545-35565-0
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