in my trunk and get another pair of shorts, pull off the red athletic pants and put on a pair of jeans. I kick the wet clothes near the foot of the bed. Walking down the aisle, I look up at Richard’s half-breed ass gawking at me, turn around, and shove him back on his bed.
“What are you looking at!” I pass Jaime, his eyes on the floor. Mr Lee is near the door, mopping up the urine.
Brother Samuel is standing right next to Mr Lee. “After breakfast be in my office. Be prompt.”
I walk past him.
EVEN THOUGH I KNOW he can beat me, it’s not fear I feel but something else I can’t describe. I just stare at the cornflakes. Saturday breakfast is always the same, dry cereal with fruit, bananas or canned peaches. Then they bring scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast with little square things of butter and jam in little plastic tubs—strawberry, grape, or marmalade. I usually take the strawberry from whoever has it. But not today. Today I eat my cereal without looking up. No one says nothing to me, I don’t say nothing to nobody. Brother Samuel Brother Samuel CLAK CLAK CLAK CLAK step on a crack and break that bear’s fat back. Hey! Hey! I’m gonna kill you one day. I look at the eggs the KP boy put in front of me from off the steam cart. I can’t eat no motherfucking eggs. I can’t eat no fucking eggs! I pick up my fork and jam it HARD into my left hand. The blood seeps out like steam out a valve. I feel relieved. Look up and Brother Samuel is standing over me.
“Come with me now, ” he says. I get up follow him down the stairs to his office. I’m big, he’s bigger. I’m sweating. Funky. Tired of following him into his black hole. Office CLAK CLAK CLAK English Select Macbeth next semester computers last semester biology. Brother John. I got no fight in me, flight either. Fight or flight, instinctual mechanism for survival in animals. I’m thirteen I feel like I’m ninety. Mrs Washington liked my idea for my midterm paper. Time flies flies of time lord it seems like school just started but it’s almost two months now.
“HALT!” he barks. I stop. He unlocks the door to his office. Hole. I follow him in. “Don’t let me tell you what to do—for God’s sake take that damn fork out of your hand, are you crazy!” I remind myself this isn’t real. It’s a dream, a movie ! In the movie I’m always naked. A white man pulls me to him rough. I obey. I must. I must obey him. Be a good boy. He kisses my neck. He reaches behind him and puts in a CD, the famous actor, James Earl Jones, reading from the Bible. He tongues my ear. You’re pretty. You know I love you. His robes flow like black water his belly is pale whitey white with blue-green veins and red hair like copper wires. The bass voice fills the room with the Bible. He kisses me groans. My soul has grown ancient like the rivers I like that poem he pulls me down on my hands and knees his KY jelly is a cold splash on my asshole my soul has grown deep like the rivers . I love you I love you, black boy! Don’t you know it hurts me to hurt you. Why do you make me hurt you, black boy! I love you! Unh! Unh! I feel his tears hot falling on my back. It hurts. Do you do you love me do you love me. I wish he would get off me. I wish he would get in deeper it feels so fucking good like God I hate myself I hate him I hate him Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy Ahhhhha ha!!! I hate GOD! Ahhh! OOOhhhhhh! Get up, get your ass up and out of here. I don’t want any more problems out of you today, young man! You hear? You hear!
I pull on my jeans and T-shirt. Ten minutes after nine. Someone is crying like a bitch, but it’s not me. Not me not me oh Holy Mary mother of God in the name of the Father CLAK CLAK CLAK CLAK bam a bam goddamn! Bam! I slam my fist on the arm of the sofa.
“Do not leave the grounds today, hear?” He grabs my chin with his thumb and finger and pulls my face to his, tries to stare me in the eyes. I’ll put ’em out first, my
“What are you looking at!” I pass Jaime, his eyes on the floor. Mr Lee is near the door, mopping up the urine.
Brother Samuel is standing right next to Mr Lee. “After breakfast be in my office. Be prompt.”
I walk past him.
EVEN THOUGH I KNOW he can beat me, it’s not fear I feel but something else I can’t describe. I just stare at the cornflakes. Saturday breakfast is always the same, dry cereal with fruit, bananas or canned peaches. Then they bring scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast with little square things of butter and jam in little plastic tubs—strawberry, grape, or marmalade. I usually take the strawberry from whoever has it. But not today. Today I eat my cereal without looking up. No one says nothing to me, I don’t say nothing to nobody. Brother Samuel Brother Samuel CLAK CLAK CLAK CLAK step on a crack and break that bear’s fat back. Hey! Hey! I’m gonna kill you one day. I look at the eggs the KP boy put in front of me from off the steam cart. I can’t eat no motherfucking eggs. I can’t eat no fucking eggs! I pick up my fork and jam it HARD into my left hand. The blood seeps out like steam out a valve. I feel relieved. Look up and Brother Samuel is standing over me.
“Come with me now, ” he says. I get up follow him down the stairs to his office. I’m big, he’s bigger. I’m sweating. Funky. Tired of following him into his black hole. Office CLAK CLAK CLAK English Select Macbeth next semester computers last semester biology. Brother John. I got no fight in me, flight either. Fight or flight, instinctual mechanism for survival in animals. I’m thirteen I feel like I’m ninety. Mrs Washington liked my idea for my midterm paper. Time flies flies of time lord it seems like school just started but it’s almost two months now.
“HALT!” he barks. I stop. He unlocks the door to his office. Hole. I follow him in. “Don’t let me tell you what to do—for God’s sake take that damn fork out of your hand, are you crazy!” I remind myself this isn’t real. It’s a dream, a movie ! In the movie I’m always naked. A white man pulls me to him rough. I obey. I must. I must obey him. Be a good boy. He kisses my neck. He reaches behind him and puts in a CD, the famous actor, James Earl Jones, reading from the Bible. He tongues my ear. You’re pretty. You know I love you. His robes flow like black water his belly is pale whitey white with blue-green veins and red hair like copper wires. The bass voice fills the room with the Bible. He kisses me groans. My soul has grown ancient like the rivers I like that poem he pulls me down on my hands and knees his KY jelly is a cold splash on my asshole my soul has grown deep like the rivers . I love you I love you, black boy! Don’t you know it hurts me to hurt you. Why do you make me hurt you, black boy! I love you! Unh! Unh! I feel his tears hot falling on my back. It hurts. Do you do you love me do you love me. I wish he would get off me. I wish he would get in deeper it feels so fucking good like God I hate myself I hate him I hate him Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy Ahhhhha ha!!! I hate GOD! Ahhh! OOOhhhhhh! Get up, get your ass up and out of here. I don’t want any more problems out of you today, young man! You hear? You hear!
I pull on my jeans and T-shirt. Ten minutes after nine. Someone is crying like a bitch, but it’s not me. Not me not me oh Holy Mary mother of God in the name of the Father CLAK CLAK CLAK CLAK bam a bam goddamn! Bam! I slam my fist on the arm of the sofa.
“Do not leave the grounds today, hear?” He grabs my chin with his thumb and finger and pulls my face to his, tries to stare me in the eyes. I’ll put ’em out first, my
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