and we’re killed, at least I’ll have met her. Assuming she really is my mum. ‘Why are you called Rydén?’ he asked. The words just came tumbling out of his mouth. He ought to have bars there, just in front of his teeth, to prevent words from jumping out whenever they felt like it. ‘My maiden name was Nilsson. Then I married a man whose surname was Rydén. I’m divorced now. But I’ve hung on to the name.’ It seemed to Joel that it was a good thing she was divorced. That meant there wasn’t a man waiting for her to come home to the flat she lived in. But it also struck him that he had just acquired two sisters. Always assuming that what the agitated man in the changing room had told him was true. ‘Arne said that you had two daughters.’ ‘Maria and Eva. Maria’s ten, and Eva’s nine.’ ‘Was Rydén their father?’ ‘Yes.’ They stepped into the lift. Joel could see in the mirror that his hair was all over the place. They found themselves looking at each other in the same mirror. The eyes, Joel thought. That’s where we’re similar. We have the same eyes. And we don’t like talking on the phone. He tried to work out what it meant, having just acquired two sisters. Two younger sisters. He’d suddenly become a big brother. Everything was happening too quickly. He didn’t think he could keep up. The lift stopped. Joel handed in his key at reception. ‘We won’t be away long,’ said Jenny Rydén. ‘In case his dad rings.’ ‘We still haven’t heard anything from the hospital,’ said the bald man. They stepped out into the street. Jenny Rydén was serious now. ‘Is Samuel ill?’ ‘He had a stomachache.’ ‘Is that why you came to Stockholm?’ ‘No. But he started having stomach pains last night.’ ‘I hope it’s nothing serious.’ So do I, Joel thought. But he didn’t say anything. They went to a park with lots of lawns, lots of gravel paths, and lots of benches. Jenny asked if he wanted anything to eat or drink. But he said no. It was clear to Joel that he wasn’t the only one having trouble in thinking of what to say. She was in the same boat. It’s not simply a case of me finding my mum. She’s just found her son as well. They eventually selected a bench to sit on. They put the box containing Celestine between them. She gave the impression of bracing herself before making a big effort. ‘It was so cold,’ she said. ‘The winters were so cold, and the nights so long, and there was so much darkness and so much forest. There was so much ice, and so many people who never said anything. And nothing to do. I thought I was going mad. In the end, I couldn’t take any more. I just packed a suitcase and left.’ ‘You had a green coat,’ said Joel. ‘Yes. I had a green coat. And all the time I kept thinking that what I was doing was absolutely wrong. That I ought to have taken you with me, at least. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t take you away from Samuel.’ That was something that had never occurred to Joel. The possibility of her taking him with her. If she had, he’d have grown up in Stockholm. With a step-father called Rydén. And two younger sisters. Is that what he would have wanted? He knew the answer to that. Nothing would have been able to make him want to do without Samuel. Despite the fact that he’d always been forced to be his own mum. ‘I’ve always been meaning to get in touch with you,’ said Jenny. ‘Write you a letter. Pay you a visit. But I’ve never managed it. Because I didn’t dare.’ Joel couldn’t understand why anybody wouldn’t dare to send a letter. He had posted lots of letters, with stamps on the envelopes that he’d drawn himself. And he’d made up the addresses. But he didn’t say anything. Just now it seemed to make more sense for him to listen. ‘But now you’ve come,’ she said, taking hold of his arm again. It seemed to Joel that this Jenny Rydén was extremely nervous. He wondered if