suspended sentence.”
She was silent for a little as we drove, remembering. Her face showed that none of the memories were pleasant. She drew a shaky breath.
“Sometimes it seemed to me that the whole world was waiting irritably for the stupid, stubborn, half-dazed bitch to confess and get the whole thing over with, even Mr. Baron, who was supposed to be defending me. He told me frankly that he didn’t think his chances of getting me off were very good, and a little plea bargaining might be in my best interest. The prosecution had indicated its willingness to be reasonable. But I was damned if I was going to confess! That would have killed my last hope of ever vindicating myself: a humble confession and an abject plea for mercy! How would I ever be able to convince anyone of my innocence after that?” She swallowed hard. “But as a lawyer I have to admit that making a deal would probably have been the smart thing to do. And maybe I would have agreed if I’d really believed in my heart that I—innocent me—could be convicted; and if I’d known what a destroying thing prison would be for someone of my background, particularly that secret federal maximum-security institution I’d never even heard of, with its old-fashioned dehumanized penal system of ugly uniforms and brutal regimentation. Even in my worst nightmares I’d never seen myself doing more than a few dreadfully demeaning but otherwise fairly easy years in Alderson… Yes, I think I might have weakened and gone along with them if I’d known I was risking Fort Ames, and eight whole years without hope of parole; and how I’d come out of there with nothing left, not even… not even myself. The other way I’d have given up any hope of ever proving my innocence, but I might have managed to salvage a few tattered little scraps of… of me.”
She waited while I jockeyed the little car through a clot of slow traffic; then she went on, more steadily now: “Anyway, Jim Dellenbach was right in there pitching for that confession. And for me, I realized. That was what he was there for, of course, to gain my confidence. And after a while he began to think he’d really made a conquest. He started by treating me to sympathetic pats and shoulder squeezes when things had been particularly rough, and went on to protective little hugs and soothing caresses; soon he just couldn’t keep his big meaty hands off me. I stood it as long as I could, but that was back in the days when I still allowed myself… when I was still a human being with the right to lose my temper. Finally I blew up and told him that the only thing I needed less than his slimy solicitude was his greasy, groping fingers all over me. Only I didn’t say it so briefly, if you know what I mean. I suppose it was a tactical error. Of course the place was wired for sound so everybody got an earful of me telling him off—I think they played the tape for each other just for kicks. He was pulled off that duty and he hated me ever after. He even made a point of being right there out in the hall, gloating at my downfall, when I was led away from the courtroom in handcuffs after being sentenced.”
I frowned. “Let me get this straight. It was Bennett and his men who marched into your house that night and arrested you, and who questioned you and conducted the whole investigation afterwards?”
She said, “Well, not the
whole
investigation. Everybody seemed to get into the act, including the local police. After all, Roy was missing, and the word ‘murder’ had been spoken. But Bennett was certainly the one with whom I had most dealings, and Jim Dellenbach was one of his younger assistants at the time.”
I said, “I didn’t know Bennett had had any previous connection with your case. The condensed material I was given to study didn’t mention the name of the investigating officer, which could be significant in itself. A cover-up of some kind involving the government’s own files?” I shrugged.
She was silent for a little as we drove, remembering. Her face showed that none of the memories were pleasant. She drew a shaky breath.
“Sometimes it seemed to me that the whole world was waiting irritably for the stupid, stubborn, half-dazed bitch to confess and get the whole thing over with, even Mr. Baron, who was supposed to be defending me. He told me frankly that he didn’t think his chances of getting me off were very good, and a little plea bargaining might be in my best interest. The prosecution had indicated its willingness to be reasonable. But I was damned if I was going to confess! That would have killed my last hope of ever vindicating myself: a humble confession and an abject plea for mercy! How would I ever be able to convince anyone of my innocence after that?” She swallowed hard. “But as a lawyer I have to admit that making a deal would probably have been the smart thing to do. And maybe I would have agreed if I’d really believed in my heart that I—innocent me—could be convicted; and if I’d known what a destroying thing prison would be for someone of my background, particularly that secret federal maximum-security institution I’d never even heard of, with its old-fashioned dehumanized penal system of ugly uniforms and brutal regimentation. Even in my worst nightmares I’d never seen myself doing more than a few dreadfully demeaning but otherwise fairly easy years in Alderson… Yes, I think I might have weakened and gone along with them if I’d known I was risking Fort Ames, and eight whole years without hope of parole; and how I’d come out of there with nothing left, not even… not even myself. The other way I’d have given up any hope of ever proving my innocence, but I might have managed to salvage a few tattered little scraps of… of me.”
She waited while I jockeyed the little car through a clot of slow traffic; then she went on, more steadily now: “Anyway, Jim Dellenbach was right in there pitching for that confession. And for me, I realized. That was what he was there for, of course, to gain my confidence. And after a while he began to think he’d really made a conquest. He started by treating me to sympathetic pats and shoulder squeezes when things had been particularly rough, and went on to protective little hugs and soothing caresses; soon he just couldn’t keep his big meaty hands off me. I stood it as long as I could, but that was back in the days when I still allowed myself… when I was still a human being with the right to lose my temper. Finally I blew up and told him that the only thing I needed less than his slimy solicitude was his greasy, groping fingers all over me. Only I didn’t say it so briefly, if you know what I mean. I suppose it was a tactical error. Of course the place was wired for sound so everybody got an earful of me telling him off—I think they played the tape for each other just for kicks. He was pulled off that duty and he hated me ever after. He even made a point of being right there out in the hall, gloating at my downfall, when I was led away from the courtroom in handcuffs after being sentenced.”
I frowned. “Let me get this straight. It was Bennett and his men who marched into your house that night and arrested you, and who questioned you and conducted the whole investigation afterwards?”
She said, “Well, not the
whole
investigation. Everybody seemed to get into the act, including the local police. After all, Roy was missing, and the word ‘murder’ had been spoken. But Bennett was certainly the one with whom I had most dealings, and Jim Dellenbach was one of his younger assistants at the time.”
I said, “I didn’t know Bennett had had any previous connection with your case. The condensed material I was given to study didn’t mention the name of the investigating officer, which could be significant in itself. A cover-up of some kind involving the government’s own files?” I shrugged.
Similar Books
