The Importance of Being Alice by Katie MacAlister Page A

to do that is to give you a nonpity kiss.” She stopped for a moment, her face screwed up in thought. “Or do you think all that secondhand smoke has made me horny?”
    Hell, he could even make a character named Egg. Wodehouse always had oddly named characters. He stopped that train of thought, suddenly diverted by what she was saying. “You wish to kiss me?”
    â€œYes, I do. Would you mind terribly? I mean, I won’t if you’d be offended, or repulsed, or if you’re gay and just aren’t into women, but I don’t think you are gay, because gay men don’t usually go around kissing women, not even pity kisses.”
    â€œIt wasn’t a pity kiss. It was an ‘I fancy you’ kiss,” he explained, wondering even as the words left his mouth why he was saying them. He certainly had no intention of doing so earlier. He even had a vague memory of patting himself on the back for his deft handling of the situation. “I wouldn’t mind if you kissed me, although to be honest, I’d rather kiss you.”
    Her face screwed up again in obvious thought. Onany other woman, he would find such an act off-putting, but on Alice, it was nothing short of adorable. She pulled an egg from her bag and absently nibbled on it. “Is there a difference?”
    â€œThere must be. Shall we see? You may kiss me first, and then I will kiss you, and we will compare the experiences.”
    â€œSounds good to me.” She kissed him.
    â€œThat was nice,” he said, trying to form subjective thoughts about the experience. “I believe it would be nicer without the egg, however.”
    â€œIt did kind of get between our mouths, didn’t it?”
    â€œYes. I shall conduct my kiss without it. Do you mind?” He plucked a bit of fried egg from where it dangled from her mouth, and placed it carefully back into her bag, then took her in his arms, and tilted his head slightly to the left so he wouldn’t smash his nose into hers. “Ready?”
    She giggled. He took that as an assent, and kissed her. She tasted decidedly less sweet, and more eggy, than earlier in the evening, but still, it was a highly pleasurable experience, one that his tingly lips greatly enjoyed. Even his tongue gave a thumbs-up when it got into the action, playing with hers in a way that reminded him of dolphins leaping about the bow of a ship in the Aegean.
    â€œThat
was
better without the egg,” she said when he had to come up for air, since he evidently had forgotten how to breathe while kissing. “What did you think?”
    â€œDolphins,” he told her. “Riding the bow wave.”
    She blinked at him. “OK.”
    â€œI think we should go to bed.”
    â€œYeah, I’m tired. Wait, did you mean together, or separately?”
    He glanced down at his trouser front. Alice glancedwith him. There was a pronounced bulge behind his fly, and a distinct ache in his groin. He looked back up and met her gaze. “I’ll leave that to you.”
    â€œWell, I see you’re willing and able and all, but I’m heartbroken and devastated by Patrick’s betrayal, so I’m going to say separately.”
    He made another bow, smacked his forehead on hers, and said while rubbing his head, “As you wish. I shall bid you good night.”
    She giggled some more while rubbing her own forehead. “I love it when you talk like a lord. Night, Elliott.”
    He retired to bed, not finding it necessary to remove his clothing or his shoes, so relaxed and peaceful was his mental state. Clearly she felt the same way, and they were both soonasleep.

Chapter 5
    Diary of Alice Wood
    Day One (for real this time—the other two Day Ones were practice)
    I t was a new day, a new dawn, and a new life. Unfortunately, awareness returned to me with all the stealth of a manatee clad in anvil shoes. “Urgh. Pleb. Flrng. Stupid drug hangover effect thing.”
    â€œI