The Immortal American (The Immortal American Series) by L. B. Joramo Page B

have not actually been ordered to leave.”
    Jacque didn’t speak for almost a full minute, but then his jaw moved slowly, as if he had a toothache. “I did not say I was ordered to leave.”
    “You’re leaving because you want to? What could have happened that would make you want to leave?”
    His naturally flared nostrils distended more, which I adored, but when he shook his head and let his hands strengthen in their grip around my arms, I knew I had overstepped his boundaries.
    But in an instant the red anger was gone, and his eyes were diverted to my hair. “You have a twig in your tresses.” He retrieved it, slightly pulling my locks too. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
    He soothed my hair, my scalp. I tried to shake my head, but I didn’t want to move too much to make him stop touching me.
    “Why are you leaving?” My voice sounded gritty and on the cusp of desperate.
    “I must.” He slowly retracted his hands from me.
    I stepped closer to him, hungry for his touch, searching those dark, dark eyes. “You’re not telling me something, and you promised me that I would be your confidante.”
    He laughed with a sharp, brutal tone, one side of his face lifting in a sarcastic smile. “Such a smart girl.”
    “Are you mocking me?” I heaved, and cursed myself as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes.
    “ Non . If anything I am mocking myself.”
    I was shaking, trembling. Not from being cold, and not from our strange enigma of a conversation. I loved him, and he was leaving me. Yes , I knew I loved him. As much as I shouldn’t, I did love him. Yes , I knew I couldn’t have him be mine, but I could have him close, couldn’t I? I could grow old while we talked in the woods. I could have my children with Mathew, but have our blessed dialogue in the wilds. Please, couldn’t I, please, have just this one thing? Just have him close to me?
    I hit him on the shoulder, enough to make him take a step back.
    “No!”  I yelled stepping closer to him just to hit the other shoulder. “No, you cannot leave.”
    I was about to hit him again, when he caught my fists and held me close to him. I had fought so hard not to let one tear fall, but Jacque hadn’t. Two tears spilled over when I looked up at him.
    He shook me as he growled. “You know why I leave. You know it.”
    “No, you cannot do this to me. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
    “If I stay . . . I cannot stay. I am not strong enough.”
    I clutched at his overcoat, making fists with the fabric, slightly pounding my balled hands into his firm chest. “Find the strength! I beg of you. Please. I,” I choked and felt two cold tears leave my own eyes, “I haven’t asked for anything in—in almost three years time. Not one thing. I—I picked up the pieces after my da died. I started farming because we couldn’t afford another hired man. I didn’t complain. I just did it. I never asked for one thing, but I’m begging you, please, don’t leave.”
    Another one of his own tears cascaded out of his eye, trailed down his hollowed cheeks where black whiskers promised a full beard if he’d ever give it a chance to grow. He looked up to the suddenly gray sky—when had the sky turned bitter and metal gray?–shaking his head. “I cannot stay. I cannot.”
    I grasped onto his coat more. “Why are you doing this to me? I have no friends—”
    “I am not your friend!” 
    His voice was so loud I flinched as if his words had slapped my cheek.
    He pulled on my arms, looking down at me with his brutal honesty. “You know. You have to know it. I’ve tried to hide it from you, but I know it’s become obvious. I think even Mathew knows of my . . . emotions regarding you.”
    “Your emotions? You’re not my friend?”
    He actually chuckled then. “You know how to compute integral calculus with a stick for your pen and the earth for your paper, but you are unsure what I’m discussing? Are you mocking moi ?”
    “No.” I pushed on his chest