something between Teresa and Papa, my world fell apart. I wanted to go find Teresa and scream that Papa was mine, that she and her Stainer needed to back off, leave, and never come back. I couldnât stand the way she looked at me, somewhere between tender and compassionate, which is to say that for some years she was a comfort, Iâll admit that; Teresa was more than a violin teacher, she was a support for me, and even though we spoke little of subjects other than the violin, I knew that I was her favorite student and I even thought she loved me.
And then, when she took Papa from me, she showed her true self. They started to meet up, seeing each other both in and out of the house, and I didnât want to know anything more about it; I made sure to leave before she came over. Suddenly, Papa wasnât there for me the way he had been, he wasnât around, he disappeared for entireweekends, and when he returned, his mind was on dates with Teresa and waiting for the phone to ring, and luckily, social media didnât exist yet, because otherwise he would have spent his nights chatting online the way teenagers do now. And when he was with me, he seemed to be in another world, and sometimes he would drift off when I was talking to him, and Iâd realize that he wasnât listening.
My world fell apart, it really did. I had given him what Iâd never given anyone, and he had taken it and made me believe that he was going to give me his all in return. And it turns out that that wasnât the case, that he hadnât given me anything, he had just tricked me. I felt as if I had been torn in two, Papa had been with me when he didnât have anyone else, but now that heâd found Teresa, I meant nothing to him; I was just a bother he was forced to put up with, that was painfully clear.
I spent my days playing the violin and looking at the lake. I spend hours just staring into it. And I put in a request at the conservatory for a change of teacher, because I couldnât bear being around Teresa and I couldnât stand her correcting me or telling me what to do. What I did like was turning my back on her when she feigned interest in me, and she would make a pathetic face, as if she couldnât live without that smile of mine that sheâd been so fond of. And I enjoyed making her suffer, that was my only joy, and I loved thinking that she would burst into tears when I left the classroom. I got her so distraught that, on our last day of class together, she gave me her Stainer, which now I flaunt in front of her every chance I get. It goes without saying that her gift was the confirmation of my victory over the enemy. All I said was a polite thank you. Now I had totally beaten her, Iâd left her with nothing,just Papa, there was no way to snatch him from her clutches, and I thought, Why donât you leave him, if you love me so much, donât you realize youâve taken from me the only thing Iâve ever had? But no, she realized nothing, she gave me everything except for the only thing I really wanted: Papa.
After some time, when I no longer studied with Teresa, Papa finally reacted. I mean that his initial infatuation with her passed and he remembered my existence. He sat me down to have a talk. He told me that Iâd been acting strangely, that it seemed I didnât like his relationship with Teresa and he wanted to know why, when he thought my former teacher and I got along so well. First, I was evasive and did my best to change the subject. But then, since he kept insisting, I broke down, shouting and crying, I told him that he didnât pay any attention to me, that he didnât listen to me, that he wasnât there for me, that he only talked about her and only wanted to be with her. I let it all out in a rush, and I think he was a bit shocked. Maybe he wasnât expecting that. He came over to me, said something like one thing didnât cancel out the other, that he
And then, when she took Papa from me, she showed her true self. They started to meet up, seeing each other both in and out of the house, and I didnât want to know anything more about it; I made sure to leave before she came over. Suddenly, Papa wasnât there for me the way he had been, he wasnât around, he disappeared for entireweekends, and when he returned, his mind was on dates with Teresa and waiting for the phone to ring, and luckily, social media didnât exist yet, because otherwise he would have spent his nights chatting online the way teenagers do now. And when he was with me, he seemed to be in another world, and sometimes he would drift off when I was talking to him, and Iâd realize that he wasnât listening.
My world fell apart, it really did. I had given him what Iâd never given anyone, and he had taken it and made me believe that he was going to give me his all in return. And it turns out that that wasnât the case, that he hadnât given me anything, he had just tricked me. I felt as if I had been torn in two, Papa had been with me when he didnât have anyone else, but now that heâd found Teresa, I meant nothing to him; I was just a bother he was forced to put up with, that was painfully clear.
I spent my days playing the violin and looking at the lake. I spend hours just staring into it. And I put in a request at the conservatory for a change of teacher, because I couldnât bear being around Teresa and I couldnât stand her correcting me or telling me what to do. What I did like was turning my back on her when she feigned interest in me, and she would make a pathetic face, as if she couldnât live without that smile of mine that sheâd been so fond of. And I enjoyed making her suffer, that was my only joy, and I loved thinking that she would burst into tears when I left the classroom. I got her so distraught that, on our last day of class together, she gave me her Stainer, which now I flaunt in front of her every chance I get. It goes without saying that her gift was the confirmation of my victory over the enemy. All I said was a polite thank you. Now I had totally beaten her, Iâd left her with nothing,just Papa, there was no way to snatch him from her clutches, and I thought, Why donât you leave him, if you love me so much, donât you realize youâve taken from me the only thing Iâve ever had? But no, she realized nothing, she gave me everything except for the only thing I really wanted: Papa.
After some time, when I no longer studied with Teresa, Papa finally reacted. I mean that his initial infatuation with her passed and he remembered my existence. He sat me down to have a talk. He told me that Iâd been acting strangely, that it seemed I didnât like his relationship with Teresa and he wanted to know why, when he thought my former teacher and I got along so well. First, I was evasive and did my best to change the subject. But then, since he kept insisting, I broke down, shouting and crying, I told him that he didnât pay any attention to me, that he didnât listen to me, that he wasnât there for me, that he only talked about her and only wanted to be with her. I let it all out in a rush, and I think he was a bit shocked. Maybe he wasnât expecting that. He came over to me, said something like one thing didnât cancel out the other, that he
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