the right of Members of this House so that we get a straight answer to a straight question? I know I’m new in this place but there must be something in the Trade Descriptions Act that covers this.”
Waves of approval washed across the Opposition benches as the Speaker struggled to be heard above the commotion. “The Honorable Member may be new, but he seems already to have developed a sharp eye for parliamentary procedure, in which case he will know that I am no more responsible for the content or tone of the Prime Minister’s replies than I am for the questions which are put to him. Next business!”
As the Speaker tried to move matters on, a red-faced Collingridge rose and strode angrily out of the Chamber, gesticulating for the Chief Whip to follow him. The very unparliamentary taunt of “Coward!” rang after him across the floor. From the Government benches there was nothing but an uncertain silence.
* * *
“How in Christ’s name did he know? How did that son-of-a-bitch know?”
The door had barely been slammed upon the Prime Minister’s office, which stood just off the rear of the Chamber before the tirade began. The normally suave exterior of Her Majesty’s First Minister had been cast aside to reveal a wild Warwickshire ferret. “Francis, it’s simply not good enough. It’s not bloody good enough I tell you. We get the Chancellor’s report in Cabinet Committee yesterday, the full Cabinet discusses it for the first time today, and by this afternoon it’s known to every sniveling little shit in the Opposition. Less than two dozen Cabinet ministers knew, only a handful of civil servants were in the loop. Who leaked it, Francis? Who? You’re Chief Whip. I want you to find the bastard and I want him hanged from the clock tower by his balls!”
Urquhart breathed a huge sigh of relief. Until the Prime Minister’s outburst he’d had no idea if the finger of blame was already pointing at him. He smiled, but only on the inside. “It simply astonishes me, Henry, that one of our Cabinet colleagues would want deliberately to leak something like this,” he began, implicitly ruling out the possibility of a civil service leak, narrowing the circle of suspicion to include each and every one of his Cabinet colleagues.
“Whoever is responsible has humiliated me. I want him out, Francis. I want—I insist—that you find the worm. And then I want him fed to the crows.”
“Henry, as a friend?”
“Of course!”
“I’m afraid there’s been too much bickering among our colleagues since the election. Too many of them want someone else’s job.”
“They all want my job, I know that, but who would be so—so cretinous, so calculating, such a cock-artist as to deliberately leak something like that?”
“I can’t say”—the smallest of hesitations—“for sure.”
Collingridge picked up on the inflection. “An educated guess, for Chrissake.”
“That would scarcely be fair.”
“Fair? You think what just happened was fair, having my arse used as a letterbox?”
“But…”
“No ‘buts,’ Francis. If it’s happened once it can happen again and almost certainly will. Accuse, imply, whatever you damned well like. There are no minutes being taken here. But I want some names!” Collingridge’s fist came down on his desk so hard it made the reading lamp jump.
“If you insist, I’ll speculate. I know nothing for sure, you understand…let’s work from deduction. Given the timescale involved, it seems more likely to have leaked from yesterday’s Cabinet Committee rather than from today’s full Cabinet. Agreed?”
Collingridge nodded his assent.
“And apart from you and me, who is on that Committee?”
“Chancellor of the Exchequer, Financial Secretary, Health, Education, Environment, Trade, and Industry.” The Prime Minister reeled off those Cabinet ministers who had attended.
Urquhart remained silent, forcing Collingridge to finish off the logic himself. “Well, the two Treasury
Waves of approval washed across the Opposition benches as the Speaker struggled to be heard above the commotion. “The Honorable Member may be new, but he seems already to have developed a sharp eye for parliamentary procedure, in which case he will know that I am no more responsible for the content or tone of the Prime Minister’s replies than I am for the questions which are put to him. Next business!”
As the Speaker tried to move matters on, a red-faced Collingridge rose and strode angrily out of the Chamber, gesticulating for the Chief Whip to follow him. The very unparliamentary taunt of “Coward!” rang after him across the floor. From the Government benches there was nothing but an uncertain silence.
* * *
“How in Christ’s name did he know? How did that son-of-a-bitch know?”
The door had barely been slammed upon the Prime Minister’s office, which stood just off the rear of the Chamber before the tirade began. The normally suave exterior of Her Majesty’s First Minister had been cast aside to reveal a wild Warwickshire ferret. “Francis, it’s simply not good enough. It’s not bloody good enough I tell you. We get the Chancellor’s report in Cabinet Committee yesterday, the full Cabinet discusses it for the first time today, and by this afternoon it’s known to every sniveling little shit in the Opposition. Less than two dozen Cabinet ministers knew, only a handful of civil servants were in the loop. Who leaked it, Francis? Who? You’re Chief Whip. I want you to find the bastard and I want him hanged from the clock tower by his balls!”
Urquhart breathed a huge sigh of relief. Until the Prime Minister’s outburst he’d had no idea if the finger of blame was already pointing at him. He smiled, but only on the inside. “It simply astonishes me, Henry, that one of our Cabinet colleagues would want deliberately to leak something like this,” he began, implicitly ruling out the possibility of a civil service leak, narrowing the circle of suspicion to include each and every one of his Cabinet colleagues.
“Whoever is responsible has humiliated me. I want him out, Francis. I want—I insist—that you find the worm. And then I want him fed to the crows.”
“Henry, as a friend?”
“Of course!”
“I’m afraid there’s been too much bickering among our colleagues since the election. Too many of them want someone else’s job.”
“They all want my job, I know that, but who would be so—so cretinous, so calculating, such a cock-artist as to deliberately leak something like that?”
“I can’t say”—the smallest of hesitations—“for sure.”
Collingridge picked up on the inflection. “An educated guess, for Chrissake.”
“That would scarcely be fair.”
“Fair? You think what just happened was fair, having my arse used as a letterbox?”
“But…”
“No ‘buts,’ Francis. If it’s happened once it can happen again and almost certainly will. Accuse, imply, whatever you damned well like. There are no minutes being taken here. But I want some names!” Collingridge’s fist came down on his desk so hard it made the reading lamp jump.
“If you insist, I’ll speculate. I know nothing for sure, you understand…let’s work from deduction. Given the timescale involved, it seems more likely to have leaked from yesterday’s Cabinet Committee rather than from today’s full Cabinet. Agreed?”
Collingridge nodded his assent.
“And apart from you and me, who is on that Committee?”
“Chancellor of the Exchequer, Financial Secretary, Health, Education, Environment, Trade, and Industry.” The Prime Minister reeled off those Cabinet ministers who had attended.
Urquhart remained silent, forcing Collingridge to finish off the logic himself. “Well, the two Treasury
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