The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse by Robert Rankin Page A

ponce off,' said Wibbly.
    'Oh, come on, Wibbly.' Eddie now fought to free his paw. 'Remember that it was Bill who found you this place and built you the ramp down the stairs and...'
    'Yes, all right,' said Wibbly. 'And I look after his dodgy gear and everything.'
    'You store certain sensitive items.' Eddie rolled around on the floor, fighting with the jam pot. Jack, who could bear no more of it, eased out Eddie's paw and helped him back to his feet.
    'Thanks,' said Eddie. 'Friendship, see.'
    'Dullards don't count,' said Wibbly. 'Dullards will befriend anyone who feeds them. But go on, what do you want?'
    'A disguise for the dullard.'
    'What?' said Jack. 'This disguise business again. I like the trenchcoat and the fedora.'
    'You're going under cover. You need a disguise-'
    'I don't want a disguise.'
    'He doesn't want a disguise,' said Wibbly.
    'Thank you,' said Jack.
    'He wants a smack,' said Wibbly. 'Shall I give him one? I used to be red-hot at head-butts. But, you know how it is.'
    'I
don't
want a disguise,' said Jack once again.
    'He
does
want a disguise,' said Eddie. 'From Bill's trunk.'
    'He'd look good as a clown,' said Wibbly with another hollow chuckle.
    'I thought, a whore,' said Eddie.
    'What?'
said Jack.
    'Only joking,' said Eddie. 'Actually, I thought you'd look best as a gentleman.'
    'A gentleman?' Jack preened at his trenchcoat lapels. 'I like the sound of that. Will I have a dandy cane and an eyeglass and everything?'
    'The dullard is truly a dullard,' said Wibbly, chuckling once again.
    'I said, a gentleman,' said Eddie, 'not a fop, although— He winked at Wibbly. Wibbly winked back with his dangling eye. It wasn't a pretty sight.
    'Okay,' said the wobbly one. Til get him kitted out from the trunk. What else did you want, Eddie?'
    Eddie looked up at Jack. 'It's a personal matter,' he said. 'We can discuss it whilst Jack is changing.'
    'Follow me then, Jack,' said Wibbly. And he ledjack from the room, his convex bottom making sounds upon the floor that Jack now recognised.
     
    Wibbly returned presently to the company of Eddie, who spoke to him in hushed and urgent tones.
    Presently still, Jack returned to the company of Wibbly and Eddie, was soundly mocked and laughed at for his choice of costume and was then led from the room once more by Wibbly.
    Presently presently still, Wibbly returned to the company of Eddie, in the company of Jack, who now cut something of a dash. Not to say a sprint. Or even a full-pelt run.
    'Natty,' said Eddie. 'As natty as. Give us a twirl then, Jack.'
    'Pretty smooth, eh?' said he.
    Jack looked more than pretty smooth. Jack looked truly magnificent. He wore the costume of a dandy: a pale pink frock-coat, with quilted lapels and ruffled cuffs; a cloth-of-gold waistcoat with bright jewelled buttons; white silk stockings, fastened at the knees, beneath red velvet pantaloons. Buckled shoes and a natty cravat completed this pretty-as-a-picture.
    'He'll certainly be noticed,' said Wibbly.
    'That's the intention,' said Eddie.
    'Oh,' said Jack. 'Is it? I thought the disguise was for undercover work.'
    'I'll explain everything to you on the way.'
    'I wish you luck,' said Wibbly. 'Shall I look after the trenchcoat and fedora and whatnots?'
    'We'll take them with us,' said Jack.
    'We will,' said Eddie. 'Thanks for everything, my friend.'
    Wibbly smiled and wobbled.
    But he still didn't fall down.
     
    'I didn't like him at all,' said Jack, back at the wheel of the car. 'He's a very scary individual.'
    'I think he's very level-headed, considering he only has half a head to be level with. I wonder how well you'd get on with only half a head.'
    'I'd be dead,' said Jack. 'And better off that way.'
    'Just drive the car, Jack.'
    'To the crime scene?'
    'I'll point the way, and promise me you'll drive carefully this time.'
    'I promise you,' said Jack, putting his buckle-shoed foot down hard.

9
    For those who are unacquainted with the career of Little Boy Blue subsequent to his period of employment