wrong with her, that she
was
somehow lacking as a woman. There was nothing wrong with her, she told
herself despairingly, but the doubt persisted and grew, locking her
muscles, and making her feel tense and uncomfortable.
Kit undressed her quickly, roughly almost, she thought,
trying not to flinch when his hands almost bruised her sensitive skin,
closing her mind to the hesitant but instinctive knowledge that told
her that this was not the way it should be, that in some way she was
being cheated.
Dark, shadowy thoughts, doubts and fears chased one
another across her mind. By Aunt Vi's standards what she was doing was
totally unforgivable… wrong… Her own emotions, so
at war with her physical inhibitions, confused her. She shivered, and
Kit, sensing her withdrawal from him, cursed under his breath and
demanded abruptly, 'What is it, what's wrong?'
Lizzie looked nervously at him. He was frowning at her and
she shivered again, but her doubts, her fears couldn't be suppressed.
'I shouldn't be doing this,' she told him huskily, 'it
isn't right. I…'
Not bothering to hide his irritation, Kit took hold of
her. He was not having her back out on him now. He wanted her too much,
ached for her too much.
'It isn't wrong, sweetheart,' he insisted, kissing her.
'How can it be wrong when we love one another…when we have
so little time together? You do love me, don't you?' he demanded
caressingly.
'Yes… yes… I love you.' At least she
was sure about that.
'Then let
me
love
you
,
sweetheart. Let me have these memories of you to take with me when I'm
up there fighting for this country… for us…'
He had used the words so many times before that even to
his own ears they sounded like a meaningless repetition of emotions he
did not feel, but they were new to Lizzie, new and a frightening
reminder of the reality of the war… and as Kit saw the
thoughts and feelings reflected so clearly in her eyes he kissed her
again and whispered against her ear, 'Let me love you…let me
show you…' His voice thickened with excitement as he felt
the tremor of emotion go through her body, and, taking advantage of her
fear for him, he quickly removed the rest of her clothes.
No other human being had seen her completely naked since
she had been sent to live with Aunt Vi, and she blushed hotly as Kit
looked at her. Did he find her beautiful, desirable, or had she
disappointed him? She wasn't voluptuous with an hour-glass figure, but
small with a narrow waist and hips and slender legs. Would he, who was
so much bigger, so much heavier, so very different from her, find her
too thin, too unfeminine? She blushed again and made a small
embarrassed sound of protest in her throat as she tried to conceal
herself from him, but he wouldn't let her, laughing at her as he took
hold of her hands and held them behind her back.
She wasn't sure she liked being held like that; as
though… as though she were his prisoner and as though he
enjoyed holding her captive.
'There's nothing to be afraid of, old girl,' he told her
thickly as he watched her, and she couldn't find the words to tell him
that his careless scrutiny of her, his whole attitude towards her
somehow cheapened their love, cheapened her! She had better not try to
back out on him now, Kit thought resentfully. He watched her narrowly
as he touched her.
Lizzie tried not to tremble. Without yesterday's sun it
was cold in the summer-house, and she tried to tell herself that it was
for this reason that she felt so chilled, so nervous. She couldn't
possibly be nervous of Kit, could she? After all, she loved him and he
loved her. So why was she finding the movement of his hands against her
skin unnerving rather than arousing; why was her strongest emotion of
fear…fear of angering and irritating him?
She tensed a little as Kit pushed her down on to the
floor, her eyes wide with apprehension as he covered her body with the
heavy weight of his own.
As she watched him he leavered himself away from
was
somehow lacking as a woman. There was nothing wrong with her, she told
herself despairingly, but the doubt persisted and grew, locking her
muscles, and making her feel tense and uncomfortable.
Kit undressed her quickly, roughly almost, she thought,
trying not to flinch when his hands almost bruised her sensitive skin,
closing her mind to the hesitant but instinctive knowledge that told
her that this was not the way it should be, that in some way she was
being cheated.
Dark, shadowy thoughts, doubts and fears chased one
another across her mind. By Aunt Vi's standards what she was doing was
totally unforgivable… wrong… Her own emotions, so
at war with her physical inhibitions, confused her. She shivered, and
Kit, sensing her withdrawal from him, cursed under his breath and
demanded abruptly, 'What is it, what's wrong?'
Lizzie looked nervously at him. He was frowning at her and
she shivered again, but her doubts, her fears couldn't be suppressed.
'I shouldn't be doing this,' she told him huskily, 'it
isn't right. I…'
Not bothering to hide his irritation, Kit took hold of
her. He was not having her back out on him now. He wanted her too much,
ached for her too much.
'It isn't wrong, sweetheart,' he insisted, kissing her.
'How can it be wrong when we love one another…when we have
so little time together? You do love me, don't you?' he demanded
caressingly.
'Yes… yes… I love you.' At least she
was sure about that.
'Then let
me
love
you
,
sweetheart. Let me have these memories of you to take with me when I'm
up there fighting for this country… for us…'
He had used the words so many times before that even to
his own ears they sounded like a meaningless repetition of emotions he
did not feel, but they were new to Lizzie, new and a frightening
reminder of the reality of the war… and as Kit saw the
thoughts and feelings reflected so clearly in her eyes he kissed her
again and whispered against her ear, 'Let me love you…let me
show you…' His voice thickened with excitement as he felt
the tremor of emotion go through her body, and, taking advantage of her
fear for him, he quickly removed the rest of her clothes.
No other human being had seen her completely naked since
she had been sent to live with Aunt Vi, and she blushed hotly as Kit
looked at her. Did he find her beautiful, desirable, or had she
disappointed him? She wasn't voluptuous with an hour-glass figure, but
small with a narrow waist and hips and slender legs. Would he, who was
so much bigger, so much heavier, so very different from her, find her
too thin, too unfeminine? She blushed again and made a small
embarrassed sound of protest in her throat as she tried to conceal
herself from him, but he wouldn't let her, laughing at her as he took
hold of her hands and held them behind her back.
She wasn't sure she liked being held like that; as
though… as though she were his prisoner and as though he
enjoyed holding her captive.
'There's nothing to be afraid of, old girl,' he told her
thickly as he watched her, and she couldn't find the words to tell him
that his careless scrutiny of her, his whole attitude towards her
somehow cheapened their love, cheapened her! She had better not try to
back out on him now, Kit thought resentfully. He watched her narrowly
as he touched her.
Lizzie tried not to tremble. Without yesterday's sun it
was cold in the summer-house, and she tried to tell herself that it was
for this reason that she felt so chilled, so nervous. She couldn't
possibly be nervous of Kit, could she? After all, she loved him and he
loved her. So why was she finding the movement of his hands against her
skin unnerving rather than arousing; why was her strongest emotion of
fear…fear of angering and irritating him?
She tensed a little as Kit pushed her down on to the
floor, her eyes wide with apprehension as he covered her body with the
heavy weight of his own.
As she watched him he leavered himself away from
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