you need to go to the nurse’s office?”
I guess I nodded or something, because she said, “Go on, then. You are wasting everyone else’s valuable time.”
Leaving the book behind, I fled the classroom. Out in the hallway the air was cooler, and the world stopped spinning. Sliding down against some lockers, I inhaled deeply and then leaned over to put my head between my legs.
With my eyes tightly closed, I tried to rationalize it all away.
Those weren’t
actually
fingernails. They were probably just petrified pencil shavings. Or old pieces of glue and eraser. Or bits of paper.
Nodding meant that I had to agree with those thoughts, so I did. It was easier that way.
Standing up slowly, I pushed myself away from the wall and detoured to the bathroom. I’d just go hide out in there until the bell rang.
At the end of the day, I went outside to hang out by the curb to wait for Caspian. Cyn was there, smoking a cigarette, and I sat down beside her.
“We’re always running into each other,” I said. “Have you noticed that?”
She exhaled and then shrugged. “That’s what happens when you have nothing to do in a small town and a mother who makes you wait for a ride. You?”
“About the same.”
She offered her cigarette to me, and I blanked. I’d never smoked before. Had never really felt the urge to, so it wasn’t something I’d thought about.
She extended her wrist farther. “Are you going to take it, or just stare at it?”
“I’ve never … I don’t smoke.”
“First time for everything.”
The cigarette butt ashed, and then the ash flaked away. It looked kind of gross, but she had a point. And it was now or never. It wasn’t like I had my whole life ahead of me to change my mind.
I took it from her hand and placed it to my lips. It was thin and papery-tasting. Smoke wafted up into my eyes, and I inhaled deeply. I didn’t know if I was supposed to count to ten or something, but finally Cyn said, “Whoa, whoa. Exhale.”
I think I swallowed some of the exhale, because it felt likemy lungs were going to explode. I coughed and choked, smoke wheezing out of me in little gasps.
Cyn laughed. But it wasn’t a mean laugh, and as soon as I was able to, I was laughing too. It suddenly felt like I’d just done something monumental. Like climbing Mount Everest, or hiking the Great Wall of China.
She took the cigarette back and demonstrated. “Like this.” After inhaling for a second, she pulled the butt away and tipped her head to the side, exhaling a stream of smoke.
“Let me try it again,” I said, reaching for it. She handed it over, and I mimicked her actions.
The second time wasn’t so bad, and I coughed only a little bit as the smoke leaked out of me. It was a strange feeling. One I wasn’t entirely sure about.
“That one’s almost out,” Cyn said. “You want another?”
Little pieces of ash sprinkled down onto my jeans, and I glanced down, brushing them to the side. “No. I don’t think so.” I ran my tongue over my teeth. They felt funny. “My mouth tastes gross, like a combination of—”
A shadow fell over me, and I looked up.
“Smoking on school property is naughty,” Vincent said, wagging his finger. “Are you being
naughty
schoolgirls?”
My first instinct was to scramble away from him as fast aspossible, but I tried to control myself. I didn’t want to show him fear. Digging my palms into the asphalt beneath me, I felt the sharp sting of tiny rocks and hard cement.
“This isn’t a spectator sport,” Cyn said. “Get lost, asshole.”
His hair was still blond, like Caspian’s. And although it wasn’t flat-ironed and lying across his face like it had been when he’d been on the bed in my bedroom, the streak of black was still there. It sent a shock wave through me. How closely he resembled Caspian.
Vincent sat down between us, and I was too scared to move.
“I like your hair,” he said to Cyn. “Red is
definitely
your color. Mine,
I guess I nodded or something, because she said, “Go on, then. You are wasting everyone else’s valuable time.”
Leaving the book behind, I fled the classroom. Out in the hallway the air was cooler, and the world stopped spinning. Sliding down against some lockers, I inhaled deeply and then leaned over to put my head between my legs.
With my eyes tightly closed, I tried to rationalize it all away.
Those weren’t
actually
fingernails. They were probably just petrified pencil shavings. Or old pieces of glue and eraser. Or bits of paper.
Nodding meant that I had to agree with those thoughts, so I did. It was easier that way.
Standing up slowly, I pushed myself away from the wall and detoured to the bathroom. I’d just go hide out in there until the bell rang.
At the end of the day, I went outside to hang out by the curb to wait for Caspian. Cyn was there, smoking a cigarette, and I sat down beside her.
“We’re always running into each other,” I said. “Have you noticed that?”
She exhaled and then shrugged. “That’s what happens when you have nothing to do in a small town and a mother who makes you wait for a ride. You?”
“About the same.”
She offered her cigarette to me, and I blanked. I’d never smoked before. Had never really felt the urge to, so it wasn’t something I’d thought about.
She extended her wrist farther. “Are you going to take it, or just stare at it?”
“I’ve never … I don’t smoke.”
“First time for everything.”
The cigarette butt ashed, and then the ash flaked away. It looked kind of gross, but she had a point. And it was now or never. It wasn’t like I had my whole life ahead of me to change my mind.
I took it from her hand and placed it to my lips. It was thin and papery-tasting. Smoke wafted up into my eyes, and I inhaled deeply. I didn’t know if I was supposed to count to ten or something, but finally Cyn said, “Whoa, whoa. Exhale.”
I think I swallowed some of the exhale, because it felt likemy lungs were going to explode. I coughed and choked, smoke wheezing out of me in little gasps.
Cyn laughed. But it wasn’t a mean laugh, and as soon as I was able to, I was laughing too. It suddenly felt like I’d just done something monumental. Like climbing Mount Everest, or hiking the Great Wall of China.
She took the cigarette back and demonstrated. “Like this.” After inhaling for a second, she pulled the butt away and tipped her head to the side, exhaling a stream of smoke.
“Let me try it again,” I said, reaching for it. She handed it over, and I mimicked her actions.
The second time wasn’t so bad, and I coughed only a little bit as the smoke leaked out of me. It was a strange feeling. One I wasn’t entirely sure about.
“That one’s almost out,” Cyn said. “You want another?”
Little pieces of ash sprinkled down onto my jeans, and I glanced down, brushing them to the side. “No. I don’t think so.” I ran my tongue over my teeth. They felt funny. “My mouth tastes gross, like a combination of—”
A shadow fell over me, and I looked up.
“Smoking on school property is naughty,” Vincent said, wagging his finger. “Are you being
naughty
schoolgirls?”
My first instinct was to scramble away from him as fast aspossible, but I tried to control myself. I didn’t want to show him fear. Digging my palms into the asphalt beneath me, I felt the sharp sting of tiny rocks and hard cement.
“This isn’t a spectator sport,” Cyn said. “Get lost, asshole.”
His hair was still blond, like Caspian’s. And although it wasn’t flat-ironed and lying across his face like it had been when he’d been on the bed in my bedroom, the streak of black was still there. It sent a shock wave through me. How closely he resembled Caspian.
Vincent sat down between us, and I was too scared to move.
“I like your hair,” he said to Cyn. “Red is
definitely
your color. Mine,
Similar Books
