and a faceless David Johnson, going to Russia and other places I never even thought of visiting before. I didn’t wake up until I felt someone shaking me.
“Lainey,” Adam’s voice broke through my dreams. I was in an ice bar drinking an insanely big hot chocolate, and then all I could see what his face. “Lainey, wake up.”
“What happened?” I asked, sitting up and looking around anxiously. “Where’s Harper?”
“Harper’s fine, she’s in her room.”
“Oh.” I placed a hand over my heart, willing it to slow down. “Don’t scare me like that. I was in Russia, and then…” I shook my head, clearing the dream from my memory.
“What?” Adam asked, laughing. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just a little hazy. What are you doing? Did you just get home?”
“Yeah, a few minutes ago. I checked on our little girl and then I decided to check on you.” He sat down beside me and put his arm around me, pulling me close to him. “I’ve missed you,” he said, kissing my shoulder.
“I haven’t gone anywhere.”
“I know that, but we’ve been distant lately.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s my fault. I’ve been so overwhelmed with everything and I think I’ve been taking it out on you a lot and you don’t deserve that.”
“It’s okay,” I insisted. “You have every right to be overwhelmed. At least I get to do the fun part and take care of Harper all day. You have to do all the hard work and make money and provide for us.”
“You make it sound easy,” he smiled. “Taking care of a screaming baby all hours of the day isn’t all that great, Lainey. You don’t have to pretend like it is.”
“Maybe not, but she’s my screaming baby and I love her more than anything in the world. She’s enough for me.”
“I get that but you need more,” he said, brushing a few strands of hair from my face and kissing the tip of my nose. “That’s why I wanted you to go back to school so badly. You should have something outside of Harper.”
“I don’t need anything more,” I replied. “I have you and Harper, a house that actually feels like a home and a family that isn’t completely dysfunctional. Plus Hannah is finally back and she’s so happy now that she’s away from Nora and about to get to know her dad.”
“You’re amazing, you know that?” His eyes were full of emotion and for a moment I was worried he might actually cry.
“No I’m not.”
“No, you are. Most girls in your situation would be so angry and bitter about having to stay at home and take care of a baby all the time while their friends get to go on living their lives like they always did, but not you. You’re so okay with all of this. At first I didn’t really believe it, but now I’m seeing that you mean it when you say you’d rather be here than anywhere else. That makes you truly amazing in my eyes.”
“It’s not amazing that I want to be a good mom to my daughter. I know firsthand how much it hurts not being number one to the people that are supposed to give you everything. I never want Harper to feel that, not even for a second,” I said with conviction.
“She won’t,” he promised. “If there’s anything I can promise you, it’s that Harper is always going to know how loved and cared for she is. And that I’ll always take care of you, no matter what.”
“Maybe someday you won’t have to
“Lainey,” Adam’s voice broke through my dreams. I was in an ice bar drinking an insanely big hot chocolate, and then all I could see what his face. “Lainey, wake up.”
“What happened?” I asked, sitting up and looking around anxiously. “Where’s Harper?”
“Harper’s fine, she’s in her room.”
“Oh.” I placed a hand over my heart, willing it to slow down. “Don’t scare me like that. I was in Russia, and then…” I shook my head, clearing the dream from my memory.
“What?” Adam asked, laughing. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just a little hazy. What are you doing? Did you just get home?”
“Yeah, a few minutes ago. I checked on our little girl and then I decided to check on you.” He sat down beside me and put his arm around me, pulling me close to him. “I’ve missed you,” he said, kissing my shoulder.
“I haven’t gone anywhere.”
“I know that, but we’ve been distant lately.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s my fault. I’ve been so overwhelmed with everything and I think I’ve been taking it out on you a lot and you don’t deserve that.”
“It’s okay,” I insisted. “You have every right to be overwhelmed. At least I get to do the fun part and take care of Harper all day. You have to do all the hard work and make money and provide for us.”
“You make it sound easy,” he smiled. “Taking care of a screaming baby all hours of the day isn’t all that great, Lainey. You don’t have to pretend like it is.”
“Maybe not, but she’s my screaming baby and I love her more than anything in the world. She’s enough for me.”
“I get that but you need more,” he said, brushing a few strands of hair from my face and kissing the tip of my nose. “That’s why I wanted you to go back to school so badly. You should have something outside of Harper.”
“I don’t need anything more,” I replied. “I have you and Harper, a house that actually feels like a home and a family that isn’t completely dysfunctional. Plus Hannah is finally back and she’s so happy now that she’s away from Nora and about to get to know her dad.”
“You’re amazing, you know that?” His eyes were full of emotion and for a moment I was worried he might actually cry.
“No I’m not.”
“No, you are. Most girls in your situation would be so angry and bitter about having to stay at home and take care of a baby all the time while their friends get to go on living their lives like they always did, but not you. You’re so okay with all of this. At first I didn’t really believe it, but now I’m seeing that you mean it when you say you’d rather be here than anywhere else. That makes you truly amazing in my eyes.”
“It’s not amazing that I want to be a good mom to my daughter. I know firsthand how much it hurts not being number one to the people that are supposed to give you everything. I never want Harper to feel that, not even for a second,” I said with conviction.
“She won’t,” he promised. “If there’s anything I can promise you, it’s that Harper is always going to know how loved and cared for she is. And that I’ll always take care of you, no matter what.”
“Maybe someday you won’t have to
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