The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken by Mari Passananti Page A

stop disturbing the peace this instant, I’m calling the police.”
    At this, more lights come on from other units.
    Reiner, who appears strangely encouraged by Angela’s threat, abandons his quest to throttle the poor doorman and runs out onto the sidewalk so he can see her better.
    “Please,” he wails. “I just want to come up and talk.”
    “Forget it! It’s over between us,” she yells back. “Now please leave before I have to pour a pot of boiling water down on you.”
    “You’ve misunderstood, my darling!”
    “No, I think you’ve misunderstood. If you don’t leave, I’m calling the cops.”
    “You know I have diplomatic immunity,” Reiner yells, more coldly. His imploring tone has vanished.
    “That just means they can’t charge you. I can still call,” says Angela, petulantly.
    I start towards the entrance, but Oscar is rooted to the spot, watching the show. Angela raises her arms to shut the window, and as she does, she notices me standing there. “Zoë! I didn’t expect to see you back before dawn. You must be Oscar! I’m Angela, and you really are cute. Sometimes Zoë’s taste isn’t so great.”
    Oh, God. She’s drunk. Angela never slurs her speech, but you can tell she’s had too much to drink when she says something unfiltered.
    Oscar actually blushes. Angela leans out the window again. “Hey, Zoë, why don’t you and your new lover come up for a nightcap?”
    “He’s not my new love –” I cut myself off and feel my face go red.
    “Sounds great,” Oscar yells with a smile, before I can decline on his behalf. He takes my arm and starts steering me towards the entrance, giving wide berth to Reiner, who’s now making motions that suggest he might be about to physically assault the poor doorman.
    The doorman turns away from his tormentor to let us through. Reiner screams, “That bitch owes me. Do you have any idea what I’ve spent on her, tonight alone? Not to mention over the past three weeks. I demand to go upstairs.”
    His accent gets more and more pronounced as his cheeks get redder and redder.
    “I’m sorry, sir, but Ms. Mancuso made it clear that I am not to admit you under any circumstances. Now I’m going to ask you one last time, to please leave. If you don’t I’ll have to call the police.”
    Reiner looks as if he’s trying to formulate some persuasive retort, but his brain must come up empty because he lets out an alarming roar and charges at the doorman. Reiner’s first punch knocks the older man off his feet. His uniform hat skips across the ground like a flat stone over water, before coming to rest on the pavement.
    Oscar’s there in a flash. He grabs Reiner with both hands and shoves him roughly against the wall. I watch in mingled horror and admiration as he closes his fingers around Reiner’s throat, and when he speaks, his voice has lost every last bit of its earlier charm and tenderness. “I’m not surprised the lady won’t allow you upstairs.”
    Reiner makes a sucking sound, as if he’s not getting enough air. The doorman clambers to his feet.
    Oscar says, “Now you are going to get the hell out of here and never come back. Because if my friend over here sees you around again, he’s going to call me. And I have friends who could care less about your diplomatic immunity. Do you understand?”
    Reiner tries to nod, but Oscar’s choke hold prevents his head from moving very much.
    “I can’t hear you.”
    “Yes.” It’s barely audible, but it must be good enough because Oscar releases his grip and a very disheveled Reiner slumps towards the pavement. He forces himself onto his feet, and makes his way across the street, his face burning with shame and anger.
    We all watch him plod down the block, until he’s out of sight. I stand rooted to the sidewalk, stunned at my date’s amazing display of masculine prowess, and slightly startled by how fast he resorted to his fists. Even though this Reiner character clearly had it