The H-Bomb and the Jesus Rock by John Manderino Page A

losing air, going all floppy. I hate that feeling. I hate that feeling worse than anything there is.
    “‘See the USA in your Chevrolet...’”

Lou
    I should’ve quit when I was gonna. I should’ve went to Marcia’s. She has a swing set. I like to stand on the seat and have her twist it as tight as she can, then let it go so I whip around and around and when it stops I jump off and try and walk but I can’t, I’m too dizzy and fall over. I could be doing that right now.
    This was worse than church.
    What’s she doing out there? How long’s it take to baptize a rock? I baptize thee in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost and that’s it, you’re done, let’s go, turn the water off and get back here, this is boring.

Toby
    We were all three of us sitting back on our heels now, kind of slumped, kind of sunk there, you know? Losing sight of the dream, that’s how it felt. And I was running out of jingles to try and keep my spirits up.
    “‘Brylcreem, a little dab’ll do ya...’”
    But then, finally , the water out there quit running—and you should have seen those two, the way they came back to life, kneeling up straight as soldiers, God’s little soldiers. I knelt up too. I even pressed my hands together like theirs.
    “All right,” I whispered, “here we go, back in business—and I just want to say, you kids are doing great, both of you, I mean that. So keep it up. Keep that attitude, that—”
    “Here she comes,” Lou hissed.
    She was coming all right, pounding down the hallway— boom, boom, boom —not walking religious at all.
    I had a bad feeling.
    She didn’t even come in. She stood there in the doorway, out of breath, holding up the head in her rubber glove. It looked bald and a lot smaller. “Get this...out...of my...house.” She tossed it at me. “Get it out .”
    I almost dropped it. Like I said, I don’t play sports.

Ralph
    Just like that, the story was over. The rock was just a rock, the mother was hollering her head off, and we were running for the door, all three of us. We quick got into our shoes. She kept shouting about us bringing false idols into her house.
    “Pagans!”
    Lou was making little whimpering sounds.
    “Gypsies!”
    I took her hand and got us out of there.
    “Trash!”

Walter Cronkite
    If invasion is undertaken, the Russians have said that they would retaliate with rocket fire. We have said if there’s rocket fire from Cuba, we will retaliate. And there goes the whole ballgame.

Toby
    I didn’t get a good look at the rock until we were out on the porch again, sitting on the bottom step, Lou on my left, Ralph on my right. They both right away started tying their shoes, looking over their shoulder, making sure Mom didn’t follow us out.
    She didn’t. She was probably laying across her bed with her face in the pillow, boo-hooing away. Poor thing.
    I asked Ralph how about tying mine while he was down there. He didn’t even act like he heard. I didn’t bother asking Lou.
    I had zero leverage left with these people.
    Anyway, the rock. It didn’t look like Jesus anymore. It didn’t look like any one anymore. Most of the stuff that made it look human must have been dried-up dirt, and now the only thing left was sort of an eye, the right one, staring straight up at that blank blue sky.
    Lou said something I didn’t hear.
    “Speak up.”
    “Can I have it?” she asked.
    I told her, “Sure.” I’m not a very good thrower but I reared back and heaved the thing all the way into the street.
    She jumped right up and ran straight after it—between two parked cars, like you’re always hearing about. And sure enough, here comes a black Fairlane. Ralph stood up, making sounds in his throat. I covered my face and peeked through the fingers. It looked like a sure thing. But just as she ran out, the Fairlane was already swerving away from the rock and he missed her, barely.
    I don’t even think she noticed. She picked up the rock and went trotting on