and too damn sick of the same old fights.
I think Liz knew I was holding back. She glanced toward the store, then said, “I was thinking about stopping by this weekend, if you don’t mind?”
“You already took all your things.”
“I know,” she said. “But I wanted to see you. I thought maybe we could talk.”
“Jesus, Liz.”
“Why not? Do you like things the way they are?”
I leaned against my truck and stared off at the cars passing along the road.
“Because I don’t like them at all,” she said. “And I think we need to talk about what we want to do.”
“Do you want a divorce?”
“Dexter.”
“It’s an easy question.”
She didn’t answer right away, just shifted her weight from one foot to the other, staring at the ground. When she did speak, her voice was quiet.
I didn’t hear, and I asked her to say it again.
“I said, I don’t think so.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I still love you, but it also means we have things to talk about.” She paused. “I can’t go back to the way things have been since Clara died. I can’t handle missing her and then having to deal with your shifts at the same time. It’s too hard.”
Shifts. Liz’s word.
It was as good a word as any.
“How are you doing with the pills?” she asked. “They helping?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Greg was happy to see you’re taking them again.”
I paused. “When did you talk to him?”
“He came in the store the other day asking about that missing girl.” She shook her head. “Did you see they’re putting together a search party? They’re signing people up over in the park.”
This stopped me for a moment. The possibility of a search party worried me, but I tried not to let it show on my face. “Why were you two talking about me?”
“I asked him about you.”
“And he volunteered the information?”
“I’m your wife. He thought I’d want to know how you were doing, and he was right.”
“You couldn’t ask me?”
Liz laughed. “After our last conversation? Sorry, I didn’t think you’d tell me the truth.”
She was right, of course, but that didn’t make it any better. I got in my truck and closed the door.
Liz came up to the window. She reached for me, then stopped and said, “I wish you wouldn’t get so mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“He means well, Dex. We both do.”
I started the engine.
She paused. “Are you going home?”
“That was my plan.”
“I won’t stop by this weekend, if you don’t want. We can talk some other time, when you’re ready.”
“Probably for the best.”
She stood for a moment; then she stepped back and pulled her purse up on her shoulder and said, “I was thinking about signing up for the search party. They’re going out tomorrow.”
“Where are they looking?”
“I have no idea, but I’d like to help.” She looked down at her feet, then back at me. “Do you want to come? We can go together.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help myself.
“You mean like a date?”
Liz shrugged. “It’s something we could do together. You know, small steps.”
“It would be just like a picnic,” I said, still laughing. “Except we’d be searching for a corpse.”
I saw the hurt on Liz’s face, and stopped. “I’m sorry,” I said.
Liz shook her head and backed up. “No, you’re right. It was a dumb idea.”
“Liz.”
“It’s OK.” She smiled, but it didn’t touch her eyes. “I’m pushing things. You’re not ready to talk and maybe I’m not either. We’ve got time, right?”
I nodded, tried to smile.
Liz came forward. “I’m proud of you for going back on your pills. It means a lot.”
The anger I’d felt before flashed, but this time it was weak and easy to ignore. After it was gone, all that was left was guilt. “You don’t have to say that.”
“I mean it,” Liz said. “It was the right thing to do, and I’m proud of you.” She touched my cheek before turning away and
I think Liz knew I was holding back. She glanced toward the store, then said, “I was thinking about stopping by this weekend, if you don’t mind?”
“You already took all your things.”
“I know,” she said. “But I wanted to see you. I thought maybe we could talk.”
“Jesus, Liz.”
“Why not? Do you like things the way they are?”
I leaned against my truck and stared off at the cars passing along the road.
“Because I don’t like them at all,” she said. “And I think we need to talk about what we want to do.”
“Do you want a divorce?”
“Dexter.”
“It’s an easy question.”
She didn’t answer right away, just shifted her weight from one foot to the other, staring at the ground. When she did speak, her voice was quiet.
I didn’t hear, and I asked her to say it again.
“I said, I don’t think so.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I still love you, but it also means we have things to talk about.” She paused. “I can’t go back to the way things have been since Clara died. I can’t handle missing her and then having to deal with your shifts at the same time. It’s too hard.”
Shifts. Liz’s word.
It was as good a word as any.
“How are you doing with the pills?” she asked. “They helping?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Greg was happy to see you’re taking them again.”
I paused. “When did you talk to him?”
“He came in the store the other day asking about that missing girl.” She shook her head. “Did you see they’re putting together a search party? They’re signing people up over in the park.”
This stopped me for a moment. The possibility of a search party worried me, but I tried not to let it show on my face. “Why were you two talking about me?”
“I asked him about you.”
“And he volunteered the information?”
“I’m your wife. He thought I’d want to know how you were doing, and he was right.”
“You couldn’t ask me?”
Liz laughed. “After our last conversation? Sorry, I didn’t think you’d tell me the truth.”
She was right, of course, but that didn’t make it any better. I got in my truck and closed the door.
Liz came up to the window. She reached for me, then stopped and said, “I wish you wouldn’t get so mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“He means well, Dex. We both do.”
I started the engine.
She paused. “Are you going home?”
“That was my plan.”
“I won’t stop by this weekend, if you don’t want. We can talk some other time, when you’re ready.”
“Probably for the best.”
She stood for a moment; then she stepped back and pulled her purse up on her shoulder and said, “I was thinking about signing up for the search party. They’re going out tomorrow.”
“Where are they looking?”
“I have no idea, but I’d like to help.” She looked down at her feet, then back at me. “Do you want to come? We can go together.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help myself.
“You mean like a date?”
Liz shrugged. “It’s something we could do together. You know, small steps.”
“It would be just like a picnic,” I said, still laughing. “Except we’d be searching for a corpse.”
I saw the hurt on Liz’s face, and stopped. “I’m sorry,” I said.
Liz shook her head and backed up. “No, you’re right. It was a dumb idea.”
“Liz.”
“It’s OK.” She smiled, but it didn’t touch her eyes. “I’m pushing things. You’re not ready to talk and maybe I’m not either. We’ve got time, right?”
I nodded, tried to smile.
Liz came forward. “I’m proud of you for going back on your pills. It means a lot.”
The anger I’d felt before flashed, but this time it was weak and easy to ignore. After it was gone, all that was left was guilt. “You don’t have to say that.”
“I mean it,” Liz said. “It was the right thing to do, and I’m proud of you.” She touched my cheek before turning away and
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