the man answered.
"Think about it, Corporal. It should be clear to you."
"I don't know, sir."
"What's your name, son?"
"Atchley, sir."
"The attack was prompted by threefold considerations. First, I wanted to test your readiness in the face of a surprise attack. Do you realize, Corporal, that several Marines were killed by the Japanese while they were taking shits at Pearl Harbor? Now that is not exactly a noble way to die, is it, Atchley? A fighting man can never relax. He must be vigilant to attack no matter where he is. Our nation's survival is dependent on the readiness of Marines all over the world. Where are you from, Atchley?"
"Green Bay, Wisconsin."
"Are you a Packer fan, Atchley?"
"Yes, sir."
"I hate the Packers, Atchley. And I hate Packer fans. That's the second reason I attacked you. Nothing I hate worse than taking a shit next to a Packer fan. Now for the third reason, Atchley, and here we come to the crux of the matter. You stink up a latrine worse than anybody it's been my pleasure to sit next to. You also, and I know I'm getting a bit personal, Atchley, but I'm trying to make you a better Marine, you also only wiped your ass twice. I suggest that two times is insufficient. Do you realize the number of germs and the kind of germs that can breed in a human asshole, Atchley?"
"No, sir," the corporal answered.
"Right now, this very moment, Atchley, germs with names you can't even pronounce are preparing to launch a devastating attack against your asshole that will render you helpless as a Marine and useless in the defense of your country. I'm gonna let it go this time, Atchley, but if I ever find you neglecting that portion of your anatomy again I'm gonna have you up before a disciplinary board so fast it will make your eyes swim. Now get out of here, Atchley, and if you ever attack a senior officer again I'm gonna jack it up that filthy ass of yours."
"But, sir, you attacked me."
Bull shook his head in patient exasperation. "That's why you're not going to make it, Atchley. You've obviously peaked out as a corporal. Countermanding a statement by a superior officer. Now I want you to forget what happened in here today. Do you read me?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good man, Atchley. I also want you to remember my name. It's Jones, Colonel John J. Jones. I'm only at Ravenel for the day. I fly around the country testing the readiness of troops for combat and what just happened here is part of my duties. I want to impress upon you, Corporal, that this was strictly a confidential test of combat readiness classified Top Secret. Tell no one, Atchley, because I may be trying this test on your direct superior. Now, you are dismissed, Corporal, and good luck in your career. Be proud, Atchley, proud of yourself and proud of the Corps."
When Atchley retreated from the latrine, Bull straightened his uniform, winked at the mirror, and spoke again to his reflection. "You silver-tongued bastard. Shame on you. "Then he walked swiftly back to Colonel Hedgepath's office. The sergeant was typing a report with two thumblike fingers.
"For your information, Sarge, Colonel Hedgepath is not in the latrine."
"He's in his office now, sir. If you'll have a seat I'll see if he can receive you."
"Relax, Jocko, I want this to be a surprise visit. We have this affectionate way of saying hello," Bull said putting a finger to his lips. He tiptoed to the door that led to the inner office and leaned against it heavily, listening for sounds of movement in the room. The door opened suddenly, and Bull, caught off balance, stumbled forward into the room. A hand caught him by the neck and a foot tripped him. He fell sprawling onto a thin carpet that did little to cushion his precipitous fall to the floor. Colonel Hedgepath was on Bull's back applying a halfnelson and laughing in victory before Bull was ever aware there was a fight.
Virgil solidified his hold and said coolly," Repeat after me, Colonel. 'Bull Meecham has menstrual cramps.' "
"Kiss me
"Think about it, Corporal. It should be clear to you."
"I don't know, sir."
"What's your name, son?"
"Atchley, sir."
"The attack was prompted by threefold considerations. First, I wanted to test your readiness in the face of a surprise attack. Do you realize, Corporal, that several Marines were killed by the Japanese while they were taking shits at Pearl Harbor? Now that is not exactly a noble way to die, is it, Atchley? A fighting man can never relax. He must be vigilant to attack no matter where he is. Our nation's survival is dependent on the readiness of Marines all over the world. Where are you from, Atchley?"
"Green Bay, Wisconsin."
"Are you a Packer fan, Atchley?"
"Yes, sir."
"I hate the Packers, Atchley. And I hate Packer fans. That's the second reason I attacked you. Nothing I hate worse than taking a shit next to a Packer fan. Now for the third reason, Atchley, and here we come to the crux of the matter. You stink up a latrine worse than anybody it's been my pleasure to sit next to. You also, and I know I'm getting a bit personal, Atchley, but I'm trying to make you a better Marine, you also only wiped your ass twice. I suggest that two times is insufficient. Do you realize the number of germs and the kind of germs that can breed in a human asshole, Atchley?"
"No, sir," the corporal answered.
"Right now, this very moment, Atchley, germs with names you can't even pronounce are preparing to launch a devastating attack against your asshole that will render you helpless as a Marine and useless in the defense of your country. I'm gonna let it go this time, Atchley, but if I ever find you neglecting that portion of your anatomy again I'm gonna have you up before a disciplinary board so fast it will make your eyes swim. Now get out of here, Atchley, and if you ever attack a senior officer again I'm gonna jack it up that filthy ass of yours."
"But, sir, you attacked me."
Bull shook his head in patient exasperation. "That's why you're not going to make it, Atchley. You've obviously peaked out as a corporal. Countermanding a statement by a superior officer. Now I want you to forget what happened in here today. Do you read me?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good man, Atchley. I also want you to remember my name. It's Jones, Colonel John J. Jones. I'm only at Ravenel for the day. I fly around the country testing the readiness of troops for combat and what just happened here is part of my duties. I want to impress upon you, Corporal, that this was strictly a confidential test of combat readiness classified Top Secret. Tell no one, Atchley, because I may be trying this test on your direct superior. Now, you are dismissed, Corporal, and good luck in your career. Be proud, Atchley, proud of yourself and proud of the Corps."
When Atchley retreated from the latrine, Bull straightened his uniform, winked at the mirror, and spoke again to his reflection. "You silver-tongued bastard. Shame on you. "Then he walked swiftly back to Colonel Hedgepath's office. The sergeant was typing a report with two thumblike fingers.
"For your information, Sarge, Colonel Hedgepath is not in the latrine."
"He's in his office now, sir. If you'll have a seat I'll see if he can receive you."
"Relax, Jocko, I want this to be a surprise visit. We have this affectionate way of saying hello," Bull said putting a finger to his lips. He tiptoed to the door that led to the inner office and leaned against it heavily, listening for sounds of movement in the room. The door opened suddenly, and Bull, caught off balance, stumbled forward into the room. A hand caught him by the neck and a foot tripped him. He fell sprawling onto a thin carpet that did little to cushion his precipitous fall to the floor. Colonel Hedgepath was on Bull's back applying a halfnelson and laughing in victory before Bull was ever aware there was a fight.
Virgil solidified his hold and said coolly," Repeat after me, Colonel. 'Bull Meecham has menstrual cramps.' "
"Kiss me
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