The Great Powers Outage by William Boniface Page A

of water shot out of his head, “we’ll be seein’ if yer any match fer the cap’n.”
    The polar bear answered the challenge by rearing up on his hind legs and letting out a freezing blast of breath. Cap’n Blowhole’s water spout froze solid instantly.
    â€œSh-sh-sh-shiver me timbers,” he cried in alarm as the suddenly top-heavy weight of his ice plume tipped him over headfirst.
    In the midst of the fracas, a figure descended from the sky, shouting advice to the bewildered group of heroes. It was the Amazing Indestructo.
    As he cut the power on his jet pack, I assumed he was going to join the battle against the zoo animals. Instead, he moved over to relative safety near me and my classmates.
    â€œLook, it’s AI!” the Banshee screamed in a way that no one could miss, including AI himself.
    â€œSheeesh!” he said with a cringe as he covered his ears. “Can’t you see I’m trying to oversee this important battle?”
    â€œMaybe you should actually be out there helping for a change,” I said as I stepped up alongside him.
    The Amazing Indestructo’s eyes narrowed in annoyance as he turned and saw me.
    â€œOh, it’s you.” He sniffed dismissively. “Maybe you should just step back with the rest of the children where you won’t be in the way.”
    â€œBut the safest spot in any battle is usually right next to you,” I countered.
    â€œSuit yourself,” he said as his face flushed red. “I have to concentrate on bringing this scourge of super-powered animals to an end.”
    As he returned to doing nothing, I focused on the battle before us. Spaghetti Man was shooting strands of pasta from his fingertips in an attempt to immobilize the spindly legs of a giraffe. Of course the giraffe broke through them instantly and then proceeded to stretch its neck a good twenty feet, wrapping it around Spaghetti Man like a boa constrictor.
    â€œHellllp!!” he cried. “This-a giraffe . . . her neck is like-a linguini!”
    LI’L HERO’S HANDBOOK
    PEOPLE

    NAME: Spaghetti Man. POWER: An ability to fire strands of wet spaghetti from his fingertips. LIMITATIONS: The sauce has to be prepared the traditional way. CAREER: Despite the obvious career one would have expected, given his family’s pasta business, Spaghetti Man turned to a life of crime fighting, eventually joining the League of Ultimate Goodness. CLASSIFICATION: As dangerous to criminals as a wet noodle.
    â€œI see the league is performing at their usual level of efficiency,” I commented to the Amazing Indestructo.
    â€œJust give ’em a chance . . .” he started to say, and then fell silent.
    I followed his eyes to where they had focused on an elephant across the playground. It had just begun to charge toward us.
    â€œUh-oh,” I agreed, as at the exact same moment the school bell rang and kids from all the other classes came rushing out for the morning recess. “You’ve got to do something.”
    â€œAre you kidding?” AI blurted out. “Look at the size of that thing. I’m getting out of here.”
    â€œYou’re indestructible!” I screamed back at him. “Act like it for a change.”
    He was about to start up his jet pack, but I reached over and yanked out one of its power cables.
    â€œHey!” he yelled. “What are you trying to do?”
    â€œYou’re not going to run out on your fans, are you? It’s going to really hurt your sales if anything happens to a group of kids while you stand by,” I pointed out as both he and I noticed the rampaging elephant getting closer and closer.
    The Human Compass was right in its path but then darted off to the north. Major Bummer, who sat nearby with his head slumped while a pack of hyenas ridiculed him, simply got up and walked in the opposite direction. Whistlin’ Dixie managed to get her lasso around one of the elephant’s