kids—”
“Okay, okay, we got the point,” said Data, “he took Door Number Two.” He was hooked on the story now.
“No, that's the weird part, for some reason he took Door Number Three. So the game show guy screams, ‘Congratulations! You've
just won one hundred thousand…’ And the door swings open, and this huge glass jar is sittin' in the middle of the stage, filled
with… toothpicks. One hundred thousand toothpicks.”
They were all still starin' at me, waitin'. Troy suddenly shouted down from up top, like he had to remind us what a pain in
the ass he was. “Hey, Andy! You coming or not?” He pulled on the rope, and the bucket scraped the floor. I was glad he did,
though. It made our choices even more clear to me. Andy pulled back on the rope, kind of annoyed, and kept lookin' at me,
waitin' for me to finish. I liked that.
“So everybody in the place was laughin',” I went on. “Even Mom and Dad smiled. But I could see on theirfaces, they knew. They were never gonna live on Easy Street. They blew their chance. And you know why? 'Cause they didn't
follow their instincts. They tried to outguess themselves. They thought that what they knew in their hearts and what they
knew to be true for them couldn't be the door that the riches were behind. So they chose the door they thought they
should
choose instead—and they blew it.” I looked steadily at each of them. “This is it, guys. On Monday our living rooms turn into
golf holes. This is our last chance, and I don't want to blow it 'cause we're too chickenshit to go for it.”
Nobody moved a muscle, but I could see they were all nodding inside. And I knew that for the first time that night we were
all together, really together.
Troy shouted down again. “Hey, Andy, you want to stay down there with the Goonies? Or are you coming up here where you belong?
I don't have all night!”
Everyone looked at Andy. Without a second of hesitation she picked up three large rocks and put them in the bucket. Then she
took off Troy's letter sweater and piled that on top. Then she tugged on the rope three times, and Troy slowly pulled the
bucket up.
She was one of us now.
Nothin' left but to make it official.
We heard Troy swear and roar off in his Mustang as I had Andy raise her right hand, and repeat after me:
I will never betray my Goon Dock friends,
We will stick together until the whole world ends,
Through heaven and hell and nuclear war,
Good pals like us will stick like tar,
In the city, or the country, or the forest, or the boonies,
I am proudly declared a fellow…
* * *
And it was right at that moment that I saw the first one. My skin pulled tight, and I screamed. “Leech!”
“Leech!” repeated Andy. She'd repeated the whole oath perfectly. Then she paused. “Leech? You mean ‘Goony,’ don't you?”
“I mean leech!” I shouted. “All over your arm! Leeches!”
Everyone gawked. There were countless small, black, slimy leeches covering her arms and hands.
Covering all of us.
In a panic we ran out of the water, out of the moonlight, screaming and yelping and pulling at the little bloodsuckers. But
they stuck. We couldn't shake, dance, or squirm the things off.
Data had an idea, though. He grabbed a twenty-volt battery out of his pack and connected two long wires to each pole. Then
he crouched in the pool and stuck the ends of the wires into the water. The leeches writhed all over him and fell off—electrocuted.
Data called us all over. One by one we stepped into the water, between Data's wires, and our leeches dropped off. Andy and
Stef were last in the water. Even after their leeches were gone, though, they kept standing there with this kind of limp smile
and small sigh.
When they finally came out, I heard Stef whisper to Andy, “I got all tingly—just my luck, I'm in love with a pond.”
It pissed Andy off, for some reason, I don't know, like someone had made her get horny and she didn't want
“Okay, okay, we got the point,” said Data, “he took Door Number Two.” He was hooked on the story now.
“No, that's the weird part, for some reason he took Door Number Three. So the game show guy screams, ‘Congratulations! You've
just won one hundred thousand…’ And the door swings open, and this huge glass jar is sittin' in the middle of the stage, filled
with… toothpicks. One hundred thousand toothpicks.”
They were all still starin' at me, waitin'. Troy suddenly shouted down from up top, like he had to remind us what a pain in
the ass he was. “Hey, Andy! You coming or not?” He pulled on the rope, and the bucket scraped the floor. I was glad he did,
though. It made our choices even more clear to me. Andy pulled back on the rope, kind of annoyed, and kept lookin' at me,
waitin' for me to finish. I liked that.
“So everybody in the place was laughin',” I went on. “Even Mom and Dad smiled. But I could see on theirfaces, they knew. They were never gonna live on Easy Street. They blew their chance. And you know why? 'Cause they didn't
follow their instincts. They tried to outguess themselves. They thought that what they knew in their hearts and what they
knew to be true for them couldn't be the door that the riches were behind. So they chose the door they thought they
should
choose instead—and they blew it.” I looked steadily at each of them. “This is it, guys. On Monday our living rooms turn into
golf holes. This is our last chance, and I don't want to blow it 'cause we're too chickenshit to go for it.”
Nobody moved a muscle, but I could see they were all nodding inside. And I knew that for the first time that night we were
all together, really together.
Troy shouted down again. “Hey, Andy, you want to stay down there with the Goonies? Or are you coming up here where you belong?
I don't have all night!”
Everyone looked at Andy. Without a second of hesitation she picked up three large rocks and put them in the bucket. Then she
took off Troy's letter sweater and piled that on top. Then she tugged on the rope three times, and Troy slowly pulled the
bucket up.
She was one of us now.
Nothin' left but to make it official.
We heard Troy swear and roar off in his Mustang as I had Andy raise her right hand, and repeat after me:
I will never betray my Goon Dock friends,
We will stick together until the whole world ends,
Through heaven and hell and nuclear war,
Good pals like us will stick like tar,
In the city, or the country, or the forest, or the boonies,
I am proudly declared a fellow…
* * *
And it was right at that moment that I saw the first one. My skin pulled tight, and I screamed. “Leech!”
“Leech!” repeated Andy. She'd repeated the whole oath perfectly. Then she paused. “Leech? You mean ‘Goony,’ don't you?”
“I mean leech!” I shouted. “All over your arm! Leeches!”
Everyone gawked. There were countless small, black, slimy leeches covering her arms and hands.
Covering all of us.
In a panic we ran out of the water, out of the moonlight, screaming and yelping and pulling at the little bloodsuckers. But
they stuck. We couldn't shake, dance, or squirm the things off.
Data had an idea, though. He grabbed a twenty-volt battery out of his pack and connected two long wires to each pole. Then
he crouched in the pool and stuck the ends of the wires into the water. The leeches writhed all over him and fell off—electrocuted.
Data called us all over. One by one we stepped into the water, between Data's wires, and our leeches dropped off. Andy and
Stef were last in the water. Even after their leeches were gone, though, they kept standing there with this kind of limp smile
and small sigh.
When they finally came out, I heard Stef whisper to Andy, “I got all tingly—just my luck, I'm in love with a pond.”
It pissed Andy off, for some reason, I don't know, like someone had made her get horny and she didn't want
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