helped three of her women through labor, and her efforts reminded her of those terrifying moments, when the recently transformed women, who no other Focus would touch, fell into her care and into labor. Only Lori wasn’t trying to give birth to a child, but to a mass of bad juice she had sequestered in her abdomen area.
She knew of no way to give birth to her own intestines, though. She would push and push and push until either she succeeded, or she died.
“Let it go, Focus. I’ll clean you off, afterwards.”
The whisper again.
“Go away . You’re a darned hallucination,” Lori said. This she didn’t need. Predictable, though. Whenever the juice got strange, and the stress of life got intense, sanity always went first. She had seen this in herself, and in her household, many times before.
She certainly didn’t trust a hallucination to ‘clean it off of her’ if she let the bad juice take her. Was this the bad juice talking? Seducing her into the end she wanted to refuse , but would now accept? Or seducing her into something worse, a Focus Monster ?
“Hallucination? Oh, that’s the reason you’re ignoring me like two week old milk. Hell and damnation and halitosis! Dammit, Focus Rizzari, I’ve never seen anything like what you did to yourself this time.”
Hell and damnation and halitosis? “Occum?” They had never met or even talked on the phone before, but she recognized the unique phrase from his letters.
“What other Crow would be willing to get his nose out of his navel and help someone , especially a Focus ?”
Definitely Occum. “Thank God,” Lori said. Occum, as a Crow, might even be able to help her. “I didn’t do this to myself.”
“This was done to you?” Something scurried away. Tears leaked out from the corners of Lori’s eyes. She had scared Occum away.
Friggen Crows.
Now she would either die or find a way to remove this crazy bad juice. Alone. As it should be. As always, a test, always tests, life always gave her tests and she either passed or failed and…
“Who the fuck did this to you?”
Occum again. He must have scurried back. He was as offputting in person as she had feared from his letters. He was as socially inept as she was, if not worse. “I…I ’m not sure . Focuses , definitely . They took me into a dark room, for some chastisement, or so I thought, and the world went dark and I woke up with this crazy bad juice inside me and my people wouldn’t come near me and this stuff was ripping into my mind and trying to eat my thoughts and I found a way to sequester it but even though I’ve sequestered it I can’t do anything with it and the bad juice is gnawing at my intellect and… ”
“Wordy, aren’t you. ‘Her mouth fills with an ocean of words and vomit, a nighttime mirror of the Monster juice inside her.’ ”
Right. Occum was a poet. He called her his muse. Right now, she didn’t find this a-musing. “Monster juice? No wonder I can’t do anything with this stuff but sequester it and this bad juice is eating at my mind and if I just accept it if I don’t become a Monster Focus I’ll become just another Focus, one of the failed Focuses who needs to be spoon-fed oatmeal to be kept alive and moving the juice and I’ll never ever be …”
A rough hand covered her mouth. “Shhh.”
She was being touched by a Crow! She had the urge to panic, but worn down by the Monster juice, she feared that if she moved, she would lose control and lose the sequester.
She relaxed into the touch, and Occum’s touch moved, across her face, down her left arm, and to her juice- bloated abdomen. He did something to her, a rustling of juice, a splay of emotions echoing inside her. Love. Comfort. Family.
“Brother,” she said. That’s what Occum felt like, to her. Brother. Family. She had never loved anyone before the way she now loved Occum. Not even her real
She knew of no way to give birth to her own intestines, though. She would push and push and push until either she succeeded, or she died.
“Let it go, Focus. I’ll clean you off, afterwards.”
The whisper again.
“Go away . You’re a darned hallucination,” Lori said. This she didn’t need. Predictable, though. Whenever the juice got strange, and the stress of life got intense, sanity always went first. She had seen this in herself, and in her household, many times before.
She certainly didn’t trust a hallucination to ‘clean it off of her’ if she let the bad juice take her. Was this the bad juice talking? Seducing her into the end she wanted to refuse , but would now accept? Or seducing her into something worse, a Focus Monster ?
“Hallucination? Oh, that’s the reason you’re ignoring me like two week old milk. Hell and damnation and halitosis! Dammit, Focus Rizzari, I’ve never seen anything like what you did to yourself this time.”
Hell and damnation and halitosis? “Occum?” They had never met or even talked on the phone before, but she recognized the unique phrase from his letters.
“What other Crow would be willing to get his nose out of his navel and help someone , especially a Focus ?”
Definitely Occum. “Thank God,” Lori said. Occum, as a Crow, might even be able to help her. “I didn’t do this to myself.”
“This was done to you?” Something scurried away. Tears leaked out from the corners of Lori’s eyes. She had scared Occum away.
Friggen Crows.
Now she would either die or find a way to remove this crazy bad juice. Alone. As it should be. As always, a test, always tests, life always gave her tests and she either passed or failed and…
“Who the fuck did this to you?”
Occum again. He must have scurried back. He was as offputting in person as she had feared from his letters. He was as socially inept as she was, if not worse. “I…I ’m not sure . Focuses , definitely . They took me into a dark room, for some chastisement, or so I thought, and the world went dark and I woke up with this crazy bad juice inside me and my people wouldn’t come near me and this stuff was ripping into my mind and trying to eat my thoughts and I found a way to sequester it but even though I’ve sequestered it I can’t do anything with it and the bad juice is gnawing at my intellect and… ”
“Wordy, aren’t you. ‘Her mouth fills with an ocean of words and vomit, a nighttime mirror of the Monster juice inside her.’ ”
Right. Occum was a poet. He called her his muse. Right now, she didn’t find this a-musing. “Monster juice? No wonder I can’t do anything with this stuff but sequester it and this bad juice is eating at my mind and if I just accept it if I don’t become a Monster Focus I’ll become just another Focus, one of the failed Focuses who needs to be spoon-fed oatmeal to be kept alive and moving the juice and I’ll never ever be …”
A rough hand covered her mouth. “Shhh.”
She was being touched by a Crow! She had the urge to panic, but worn down by the Monster juice, she feared that if she moved, she would lose control and lose the sequester.
She relaxed into the touch, and Occum’s touch moved, across her face, down her left arm, and to her juice- bloated abdomen. He did something to her, a rustling of juice, a splay of emotions echoing inside her. Love. Comfort. Family.
“Brother,” she said. That’s what Occum felt like, to her. Brother. Family. She had never loved anyone before the way she now loved Occum. Not even her real
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