back, it was a whole other story. There’s no warmth left in him. He shuts me out, emotionally. That is a little bit of why I decided to take this trip alone.’
“‘ Okay, I wasn’t trying to insinuate...’
‘“ Insinuate all you want. Your assumptions aren’t far off from the truth.’
“‘ The truth being what?’ I asked.
“‘ That I’m in an emotionless marriage. There is love there, but not the kind of love…’
“‘ Kind of love that what?’
“‘ That two people should have. The kind I used to dream about when I was a little girl.’ Christine paused and sighed. She started to laugh and said, ‘I am so sorry to unload on you so fast.’
“‘ It’s okay. I’ve waited many years to hear these words. I’m not saying that I’m happy that your marriage is struggling. What I am saying is, I’m sure you made a mistake.’
“‘ I can’t call my son a mistake.’
“‘ Parts of it shouldn’t have happened. At least in my heart, I would like to think that to be true.’
“ Christine smiled at me and said, ‘I don't know what it is about you that makes me so comfortable. Again, I go back to your eyes.’
“‘ What did my eyes do this time?’
“‘ They allow me to feel safe. Just like that night. I don't think I ever felt safer in a man’s arms.’
“‘ That was an amazing night. It was a blessing and a curse.’
“‘ A curse?’ Christine laughed. ‘Wow, now you sound like my husband.’
“‘ Please don’t ever say that again.”
“‘ Say what again?’
“‘ The words “my husband.” What’s his name again?’ I knew his name, but she didn’t know that I spent six months with him in Vietnam.
“‘ His name is Benjamin.’
“‘ Well, let’s call him Benjamin if you don’t mind. Each time you say the word husband, I cringe.”
Present Day – Delta, Colorado - Deltarado Days stage, 2:30 a.m.
“Why did it bother you that she referred to the man as her husband?” Sharee asked.
“ It shouldn’t have. I mean, I met the man and he was a good person. I guess I just felt like I wanted to play make-believe with her and her saying words like ‘husband’ didn’t allow me to do that.”
“ How much make-believe did you two end up doing?”
“ My make-believe became my reality soon enough, which was probably not a good thing because I went there for closure. I needed closure, so that I could move on with my life.”
“ You must have known seeing her would ignite something in you.”
“ I just got to the point that I had to see her one more time. At least, that was what I felt before that night started.”
“ Well, Joel, you can’t take me this far and not give me the pay off.”
“ What pay off?”
“ The love scene.”
I paused, thinking. “You want to hear details of that part?”
“I am romance writer; that is the best part.”
I laughed. “It’s a pretty good part, but I’m going to need to keep it G-rated.”
“G-rated? Please don’t. Give me all the NC-17 details.”
I was quiet.
“Do me a favor? Only censor yourself because you want to. I have heard, seen, and written it all.”
Chapter Seventeen
July 1982 – Delta, Colorado - Nurse’s Station, 9:45 p.m.
“ I must have spent four hours with Christine just talking and continuing to get to know her more. It had been fourteen years. I wanted to know everything about her, except for her marriage. It was effortless when I talked to her. I had never felt that way with another human being before. I knew I didn’t want the night to end.
“‘ Do you want to go somewhere when your shift is over?’ I asked Christine.
“‘ We should go to the library again,’ Christine answered. ‘So I could slow dance in your arms all night and dream of a life with you.’
“ I looked at Christine. ‘Is that true? Were you really thinking that?’
“ Christine looked me in the eyes with a more determined expression than she normally used.
“‘ Okay, I wasn’t trying to insinuate...’
‘“ Insinuate all you want. Your assumptions aren’t far off from the truth.’
“‘ The truth being what?’ I asked.
“‘ That I’m in an emotionless marriage. There is love there, but not the kind of love…’
“‘ Kind of love that what?’
“‘ That two people should have. The kind I used to dream about when I was a little girl.’ Christine paused and sighed. She started to laugh and said, ‘I am so sorry to unload on you so fast.’
“‘ It’s okay. I’ve waited many years to hear these words. I’m not saying that I’m happy that your marriage is struggling. What I am saying is, I’m sure you made a mistake.’
“‘ I can’t call my son a mistake.’
“‘ Parts of it shouldn’t have happened. At least in my heart, I would like to think that to be true.’
“ Christine smiled at me and said, ‘I don't know what it is about you that makes me so comfortable. Again, I go back to your eyes.’
“‘ What did my eyes do this time?’
“‘ They allow me to feel safe. Just like that night. I don't think I ever felt safer in a man’s arms.’
“‘ That was an amazing night. It was a blessing and a curse.’
“‘ A curse?’ Christine laughed. ‘Wow, now you sound like my husband.’
“‘ Please don’t ever say that again.”
“‘ Say what again?’
“‘ The words “my husband.” What’s his name again?’ I knew his name, but she didn’t know that I spent six months with him in Vietnam.
“‘ His name is Benjamin.’
“‘ Well, let’s call him Benjamin if you don’t mind. Each time you say the word husband, I cringe.”
Present Day – Delta, Colorado - Deltarado Days stage, 2:30 a.m.
“Why did it bother you that she referred to the man as her husband?” Sharee asked.
“ It shouldn’t have. I mean, I met the man and he was a good person. I guess I just felt like I wanted to play make-believe with her and her saying words like ‘husband’ didn’t allow me to do that.”
“ How much make-believe did you two end up doing?”
“ My make-believe became my reality soon enough, which was probably not a good thing because I went there for closure. I needed closure, so that I could move on with my life.”
“ You must have known seeing her would ignite something in you.”
“ I just got to the point that I had to see her one more time. At least, that was what I felt before that night started.”
“ Well, Joel, you can’t take me this far and not give me the pay off.”
“ What pay off?”
“ The love scene.”
I paused, thinking. “You want to hear details of that part?”
“I am romance writer; that is the best part.”
I laughed. “It’s a pretty good part, but I’m going to need to keep it G-rated.”
“G-rated? Please don’t. Give me all the NC-17 details.”
I was quiet.
“Do me a favor? Only censor yourself because you want to. I have heard, seen, and written it all.”
Chapter Seventeen
July 1982 – Delta, Colorado - Nurse’s Station, 9:45 p.m.
“ I must have spent four hours with Christine just talking and continuing to get to know her more. It had been fourteen years. I wanted to know everything about her, except for her marriage. It was effortless when I talked to her. I had never felt that way with another human being before. I knew I didn’t want the night to end.
“‘ Do you want to go somewhere when your shift is over?’ I asked Christine.
“‘ We should go to the library again,’ Christine answered. ‘So I could slow dance in your arms all night and dream of a life with you.’
“ I looked at Christine. ‘Is that true? Were you really thinking that?’
“ Christine looked me in the eyes with a more determined expression than she normally used.
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