me:
“Answer me, Rupprecht, tell me whether you love me more than the salvation of your soul?”
I assured her of my love with an oath, being interested to see whither this question would lead. But Renata, several times requiring me to confirm my assurances, showed no desire to go into explanations, and only continued to show me an exaggerated tenderness.
In the morning of Tuesday (it will be seen in a moment why I remember exactly what day it was) Renata unexpectedly asked me to give her money, and I hastened to offer her some gold coins. But she took only a few silver joachimsthalers and went out, throwing on her cape, and with especial strictness forbidding me to follow her. Though once again I did not obey her request, she contrived this time to deceive my surveillance, as watchful as that of a spy of the Inquisition, and to lose herself somewhere amid the narrow passages near the market. I had to wait for her alone with growing uneasiness, while fearsome thoughts came into my mind, that she had left me, and only towards evening did she reappear, very tired and pale, carrying, with her a small bag containing some objects. And even all that quite childish joy that possessed me on seeing the returned Renata could not dumb in my soul the sly voice of curiosity.
Contrary to her custom, Renata asked for food, then she wanted to drink some wine, and then invented other delays, postponing the conversation she had planned, and only when the darkness began to gather, the darkness that always gives courage, did she begin to speak, not without solemnity. Roughly, what she said to me was this:
“Dearest Rupprecht! You see well that I can no longer live in this fashion. All my soul will stream out in tears: either I shall have to be put in my coffin or I shall become so ugly that even I would not desire to show myself to the eyes of him whom I love. One of two courses must be chosen: either life, and then to occupy oneself with its cares, or death—and then honestly to offer it one’s hand. But you know and see and realise that I can live only if Heinrich is with me. To revive I must hear his voice; to be happy, I have only to look into his eyes. With him I can accomplish all and Heaven itself is open to me, but without him I gasp like a fish on the shore. I must find Heinrich, and he will tell me whether I am condemned to life or to death. But where across the length and breadth of all the German lands shall we seek one man, who indeed is so powerful that if he chooses he can even cease to be among men? To examine every town and village in our search—is it not the same as to feel throughout a haystack to find a lost thin silk thread? Is it not clear that to make such an effort is to tempt the Lord Himself?”
Surprised at the sobriety and consecutiveness of the speech of Renata, who at times could reason like an excellent scholastic, I replied that I considered her logic correct and waited to hear what ergo she would deduce from her quia . Then in a voice much more excited and with a face much more inspired, Renata began to speak, thus:
“You have been witness, Rupprecht, that I have prayed. I have sent to the Creator all the prayers in my power, and pledged all the vows a woman has strength to fulfil, and perhaps even more! But the Lord has remained deaf to my murmuring and there is only One Power that can help me—only One to whom I can now apply. But I shall never agree to soil my soul with a deadly sin, for my soul is given to Heinrich, and he is light and he is pure, and nothing dark must come near him. Therefore you, Rupprecht, who have sworn that you love me more than the salvation of your soul, must take even this sin and this sacrifice upon yourself.”
At first I failed to grasp the purport of this speech, and replied to Renata by asking her of what Power and of what Other she was thinking, but Renata looked at me mysteriously, with a face like the images of the Maya, and only approached to me her big eyes,
“Answer me, Rupprecht, tell me whether you love me more than the salvation of your soul?”
I assured her of my love with an oath, being interested to see whither this question would lead. But Renata, several times requiring me to confirm my assurances, showed no desire to go into explanations, and only continued to show me an exaggerated tenderness.
In the morning of Tuesday (it will be seen in a moment why I remember exactly what day it was) Renata unexpectedly asked me to give her money, and I hastened to offer her some gold coins. But she took only a few silver joachimsthalers and went out, throwing on her cape, and with especial strictness forbidding me to follow her. Though once again I did not obey her request, she contrived this time to deceive my surveillance, as watchful as that of a spy of the Inquisition, and to lose herself somewhere amid the narrow passages near the market. I had to wait for her alone with growing uneasiness, while fearsome thoughts came into my mind, that she had left me, and only towards evening did she reappear, very tired and pale, carrying, with her a small bag containing some objects. And even all that quite childish joy that possessed me on seeing the returned Renata could not dumb in my soul the sly voice of curiosity.
Contrary to her custom, Renata asked for food, then she wanted to drink some wine, and then invented other delays, postponing the conversation she had planned, and only when the darkness began to gather, the darkness that always gives courage, did she begin to speak, not without solemnity. Roughly, what she said to me was this:
“Dearest Rupprecht! You see well that I can no longer live in this fashion. All my soul will stream out in tears: either I shall have to be put in my coffin or I shall become so ugly that even I would not desire to show myself to the eyes of him whom I love. One of two courses must be chosen: either life, and then to occupy oneself with its cares, or death—and then honestly to offer it one’s hand. But you know and see and realise that I can live only if Heinrich is with me. To revive I must hear his voice; to be happy, I have only to look into his eyes. With him I can accomplish all and Heaven itself is open to me, but without him I gasp like a fish on the shore. I must find Heinrich, and he will tell me whether I am condemned to life or to death. But where across the length and breadth of all the German lands shall we seek one man, who indeed is so powerful that if he chooses he can even cease to be among men? To examine every town and village in our search—is it not the same as to feel throughout a haystack to find a lost thin silk thread? Is it not clear that to make such an effort is to tempt the Lord Himself?”
Surprised at the sobriety and consecutiveness of the speech of Renata, who at times could reason like an excellent scholastic, I replied that I considered her logic correct and waited to hear what ergo she would deduce from her quia . Then in a voice much more excited and with a face much more inspired, Renata began to speak, thus:
“You have been witness, Rupprecht, that I have prayed. I have sent to the Creator all the prayers in my power, and pledged all the vows a woman has strength to fulfil, and perhaps even more! But the Lord has remained deaf to my murmuring and there is only One Power that can help me—only One to whom I can now apply. But I shall never agree to soil my soul with a deadly sin, for my soul is given to Heinrich, and he is light and he is pure, and nothing dark must come near him. Therefore you, Rupprecht, who have sworn that you love me more than the salvation of your soul, must take even this sin and this sacrifice upon yourself.”
At first I failed to grasp the purport of this speech, and replied to Renata by asking her of what Power and of what Other she was thinking, but Renata looked at me mysteriously, with a face like the images of the Maya, and only approached to me her big eyes,
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