The Female Brain by Louann Md Brizendine Page B

symptoms of early love are also similar to the initial effects of drugs such as amphetamines, cocaine, and opiates like heroin, morphine, and OxyContin. These narcotics trigger the brain’s reward circuit, causing chemical releases and effects similar to those of romance. In fact, there’s some truth to the notion that people can become addicted to love. Romantic partners, especially in the first six months, crave the ecstatic feeling of being together and may feel helplessly dependent on each other. Studies of passionate love show this brain state lasts for roughly six to eight months. This is such an intense state that the beloved’s best interest, well-being, and survival become as important as or more important than one’s own.
    During this early phase of love, Melissa was intensely memorizing every detail of Rob. When she had to go to L.A. for a week to show a piece of her new film project at a conference, both struggled with the separation. This was not just some fantasy; it was the pain of neurochemical withdrawal. During times of physical separation, when touching and caressing is impossible, a deep longing, almost a hunger, for the beloved can set in. Some people don’t even realize how bonded or in love they are until they feel this tugging at their heartstrings when the beloved is absent. We are used to thinking of this longing as only psychological, but it’s actually physical. The brain is virtually in a drug-withdrawal state. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” your mother would say as you were moaning in pain because he was away. I can remember the early days of dating my husband, when I already knew he was “the one” but he didn’t yet. During a brief separation he “decided” we should get married—thank goodness for dopamine and oxytocin withdrawal. His heartstrings finally got the attention of his very self-sufficient and independent male brain, as his friends and family will tell you.
    During a separation, motivation for reunion can reach a fever pitch in the brain. Rob was so desperate in the middle of the week for physical contact with Melissa that he flew down to see her for a day. Once reunion takes place, all the components of the original loving bond can be reestablished by dopamine and oxytocin. Activities such as caressing, kissing, gazing, hugging, and orgasm can replenish the chemical bond of love and trust in the brain. The oxytocin-dopamine rush once again suppresses anxiety and skepticism and reinforces the love circuits in the brain.
    Mothers often warn their daughters not to get too close too soon with a new boyfriend, and this advice may be wiser than they realize. The act of hugging or cuddling releases oxytocin in the brain, especially in females, and likely produces a tendency to trust the hugger. It also increases the likelihood that you will believe everything and anything he tells you. Injecting the hormone oxytocin or dopamine into the brain of a social mammal can even induce cuddling and pair bonding behavior without the usual prerequisite romantic love and sexual behavior, especially in females. And consider a Swiss experiment in which researchers gave a nasal spray containing oxytocin to one group of “investors” and compared them with another group who got a placebo nasal spray. The investors who got oxytocin offered up twice as much money as did the group who got only the placebo. The oxytocin group was more willing to trust a stranger posing as a financial adviser—feeling more secure that their investment would pay off. This study concluded that oxytocin triggers the trust circuits in the brain.
    From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner—sealing the bond between the huggers and triggering the brain’s trust circuits. So don’t let a guy hug you unless you plan to trust him. Touching, gazing, positive emotional interaction, kissing, and sexual orgasm also