him.
16
Deirdre walked into the office. She looked clean and fresh and was still wearing her tight jeans, but now she had on a gold blouse tucked in around her narrow waist, emphasizing her breasts. Open-toed, high-heeled sandals flashed red enamel that matched her fingernails.
She smiled; there was something possessive in its white glitter. “I told that girl up front I was coming back here, David.”
He tried not to show his annoyance, but he didn’t get up from his desk chair. “What do you want?”
“Oh, I’ve had what I want, David. I only came here to tell you I’m not sorry for what happened. I was weak. We both were. It’s the kind of thing that simply happens, and there shouldn’t be any recriminalizations or guilt.”
He couldn’t believe he was hearing this. And he didn’t want anyone else to hear. “My God, keep your voice down!”
Quickly he stood up and closed the door, then sat back down so Deirdre wouldn’t reach for him.
He hadn’t seen Lisa standing in the hall only a few feet from the door.
It chilled him to think what it might mean if Deirdre decided to make any kind of scene, what it might do to his life.
“And why shouldn’t there be any guilt?” he asked.
“Because love doesn’t take circumstances into account. Love makes us all go round, and we can’t help it.”
He stared at her; she’d meant what she said. “I do feel guilty, Deirdre. I’m in love with Molly, and I feel responsible.”
She shook her head as if in mild frustration at not being able to make him see some simple and obvious truth. “But you shouldn’t feel responsible, either. We think we’re in charge of our lives, but that’s a joke on us. We’re really all like pieces in a game, and destiny moves us when and where it wants. It’s not like we don’t have free will, but it’s up to us to make the most of our destiny, whatever situation it puts us in. Don’t you believe in destiny, David?” She seemed somewhat taken aback, as if she’d just discovered he might not believe in the Bill of Rights.
“To an extent, I suppose. Or maybe it’s just a handy excuse for people to do what they want.” He leaned back in his desk chair, causing it to squeak surprisingly loud in the quiet office. He couldn’t read her eyes. “I take it you believe in destiny?”
She moved toward him as if drawn. Her voice was fervent. “Oh, yes, David! I sincerely believe certain things were meant to be. I think this afternoon proves it.”
“I think we’d better forget this afternoon.”
“But we can’t, and you know it.”
“What about Molly?”
“Molly has her own destiny.”
“It includes me, Deirdre.”
She shrugged, as if resigned but tolerant. “I can accept that for now.”
He wanted to leap up, grab her by the shoulders, and shake understanding into her. But he knew he wouldn’t. He shouldn’t.
“I’m not talking about for now,” he said. “We’re going to have to avoid seeing each other.”
She laughed at him as if he were a bright child who would eventually see things her way “Are you afraid of losing control again? I’m not. I’m a Taurus—I know how to accept and control my destiny. That’s something everyone should learn, David. The world would be so much happier.”
“I don’t like losing control.”
“Of course you don’t. But the only thing we have to fear is being afraid, David.”
“It isn’t fear,” he told her. “Or guilt. At least I don’t think so. What we started today can only lead to trouble.” He looked at his hands, gripping the edge of the table where his computer glowed. “No. I guess, to be honest, I am afraid. I’m afraid of loss. I don’t want to lose what I have.”
She seemed amused. “You won’t lose me. I promise.”
“You know that isn’t what I meant.”
She walked over to the bookshelves and examined a stack of manuscripts. Then she moved near the desk and ran her fingertip lightly over the brass frame of the
16
Deirdre walked into the office. She looked clean and fresh and was still wearing her tight jeans, but now she had on a gold blouse tucked in around her narrow waist, emphasizing her breasts. Open-toed, high-heeled sandals flashed red enamel that matched her fingernails.
She smiled; there was something possessive in its white glitter. “I told that girl up front I was coming back here, David.”
He tried not to show his annoyance, but he didn’t get up from his desk chair. “What do you want?”
“Oh, I’ve had what I want, David. I only came here to tell you I’m not sorry for what happened. I was weak. We both were. It’s the kind of thing that simply happens, and there shouldn’t be any recriminalizations or guilt.”
He couldn’t believe he was hearing this. And he didn’t want anyone else to hear. “My God, keep your voice down!”
Quickly he stood up and closed the door, then sat back down so Deirdre wouldn’t reach for him.
He hadn’t seen Lisa standing in the hall only a few feet from the door.
It chilled him to think what it might mean if Deirdre decided to make any kind of scene, what it might do to his life.
“And why shouldn’t there be any guilt?” he asked.
“Because love doesn’t take circumstances into account. Love makes us all go round, and we can’t help it.”
He stared at her; she’d meant what she said. “I do feel guilty, Deirdre. I’m in love with Molly, and I feel responsible.”
She shook her head as if in mild frustration at not being able to make him see some simple and obvious truth. “But you shouldn’t feel responsible, either. We think we’re in charge of our lives, but that’s a joke on us. We’re really all like pieces in a game, and destiny moves us when and where it wants. It’s not like we don’t have free will, but it’s up to us to make the most of our destiny, whatever situation it puts us in. Don’t you believe in destiny, David?” She seemed somewhat taken aback, as if she’d just discovered he might not believe in the Bill of Rights.
“To an extent, I suppose. Or maybe it’s just a handy excuse for people to do what they want.” He leaned back in his desk chair, causing it to squeak surprisingly loud in the quiet office. He couldn’t read her eyes. “I take it you believe in destiny?”
She moved toward him as if drawn. Her voice was fervent. “Oh, yes, David! I sincerely believe certain things were meant to be. I think this afternoon proves it.”
“I think we’d better forget this afternoon.”
“But we can’t, and you know it.”
“What about Molly?”
“Molly has her own destiny.”
“It includes me, Deirdre.”
She shrugged, as if resigned but tolerant. “I can accept that for now.”
He wanted to leap up, grab her by the shoulders, and shake understanding into her. But he knew he wouldn’t. He shouldn’t.
“I’m not talking about for now,” he said. “We’re going to have to avoid seeing each other.”
She laughed at him as if he were a bright child who would eventually see things her way “Are you afraid of losing control again? I’m not. I’m a Taurus—I know how to accept and control my destiny. That’s something everyone should learn, David. The world would be so much happier.”
“I don’t like losing control.”
“Of course you don’t. But the only thing we have to fear is being afraid, David.”
“It isn’t fear,” he told her. “Or guilt. At least I don’t think so. What we started today can only lead to trouble.” He looked at his hands, gripping the edge of the table where his computer glowed. “No. I guess, to be honest, I am afraid. I’m afraid of loss. I don’t want to lose what I have.”
She seemed amused. “You won’t lose me. I promise.”
“You know that isn’t what I meant.”
She walked over to the bookshelves and examined a stack of manuscripts. Then she moved near the desk and ran her fingertip lightly over the brass frame of the
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