forgotten what happened in
Haywire
, I will wait while you go back and reread that entry. I have time.
Done? OK, then.
So Lex stomped off to the beach without me, and I headed into the ice cream shop. The very best ice cream shop in the world, as I may have already mentioned. I have two words: WAFFLE. And CONES. I was looking forward to seeing if they had my favorite of all flavors, which is called Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness. It has chocolate and tiny peanut butter cups and big swirls of caramel and marshmallow and colorful sprinkles. Basically everything you can put in ice cream that tastes good is in there.
Kai was outside the shop, eating a huge cone of about eight different scoops, most of which looked like chocolate. At first I was nervous, then I went right away to excited to see him, then I noticed who he was talking to, and within a split second, I went right to downright annoyed. He was talking to a big gang of girls from my school, including, but not limited to, the horrifically awful Stella Wilson-Rawley. I glared at her ferociously, totally forgetting that I was going to practice being über-friendly at all times.
âHey, Tink,â said Ruth Quayle. 69
âHello,â I said, without opening my mouth, which made it come out funny, like a small growl. She gave me an alarmed look. I tried to smile but I did not feel like smiling.
âTinky Tinky,â said Stella, and smirked.
âGrak,â I mumbled, which wasnât the least bit witty but was all I could come up with.
I was about to push by her when Kai noticed me. He gave me this huge, manic, crazy-guy grin and shouted, âTHERE you are.â
Which made me slightly happy. But then, before I could even say, âHi,â which is what I was going to do, but in a voice that was just slightly frosty and unwelcoming, he grabbed me and then he
. . . kissed me right on the mouth.
With his mouth!
Which had melted ice cream bits on it! And saliva!
I repeat: HE KISSED ME ON THE MOUTH! WITH HIS SLIMY MOUTH!
I was so stunned that all I could do was gawp at him like a fish that has been tossed onto the beach by a rogue wave and cannot breathe air and is dying. Your first really meaningful kiss is supposed to be amaaaaaazing and mine was just plain shocking. SHOCKING. I didnât have time to mentally prepare! I thought I liked him! But then I didnât! And then I did again! And now I just wanted to run away, screaming!
But why?
My heart started pounding like someone trapped in an elevator who is about to plunge to a terrible demise. I couldnât get my breath. He then whispered something in my ear.
âWHAT?â I said loudly, because I didnât hear him. I couldnât hear anything. Well, thatâs not true, I DID hear SWR saying, âEw.â
âThanks, you SAVED me,â he repeated.
I can hardly remember the next bit because my head was spinning like a Tilt-A-Whirl. But I must have somehow gone in, ordered, and paid for my Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness cone because the next thing I knew, I was marching directly out the back door of the shop. Alone.
As in, with no one following me.
Not Kai the Kisser. Not Ruth, my supposed new friend. Not
anyone
.
I kept marching until I got to the beach, but by then, I felt light-headed. From the SHOCK! And my ice cream had melted all over my hand, giving me that gross sticky-finger situation that I hate. I was tragically forced to throw away the cone. I threw away Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness! Could things get worse?
I thought about it. I guess it would be worse if, for example, a passing great white shark â and yes, they DO have those here â could suddenly become demented and throw itself onto the beach, snapping its jaws at everything that moved, chomping off my right leg below the knee before belly flopping back into the bay. Worse, no?
Maybe not, actually.
At least that wouldnât be
embarrassing
. Or
awkward
.
I sat and ran sand through
Haywire
, I will wait while you go back and reread that entry. I have time.
Done? OK, then.
So Lex stomped off to the beach without me, and I headed into the ice cream shop. The very best ice cream shop in the world, as I may have already mentioned. I have two words: WAFFLE. And CONES. I was looking forward to seeing if they had my favorite of all flavors, which is called Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness. It has chocolate and tiny peanut butter cups and big swirls of caramel and marshmallow and colorful sprinkles. Basically everything you can put in ice cream that tastes good is in there.
Kai was outside the shop, eating a huge cone of about eight different scoops, most of which looked like chocolate. At first I was nervous, then I went right away to excited to see him, then I noticed who he was talking to, and within a split second, I went right to downright annoyed. He was talking to a big gang of girls from my school, including, but not limited to, the horrifically awful Stella Wilson-Rawley. I glared at her ferociously, totally forgetting that I was going to practice being über-friendly at all times.
âHey, Tink,â said Ruth Quayle. 69
âHello,â I said, without opening my mouth, which made it come out funny, like a small growl. She gave me an alarmed look. I tried to smile but I did not feel like smiling.
âTinky Tinky,â said Stella, and smirked.
âGrak,â I mumbled, which wasnât the least bit witty but was all I could come up with.
I was about to push by her when Kai noticed me. He gave me this huge, manic, crazy-guy grin and shouted, âTHERE you are.â
Which made me slightly happy. But then, before I could even say, âHi,â which is what I was going to do, but in a voice that was just slightly frosty and unwelcoming, he grabbed me and then he
. . . kissed me right on the mouth.
With his mouth!
Which had melted ice cream bits on it! And saliva!
I repeat: HE KISSED ME ON THE MOUTH! WITH HIS SLIMY MOUTH!
I was so stunned that all I could do was gawp at him like a fish that has been tossed onto the beach by a rogue wave and cannot breathe air and is dying. Your first really meaningful kiss is supposed to be amaaaaaazing and mine was just plain shocking. SHOCKING. I didnât have time to mentally prepare! I thought I liked him! But then I didnât! And then I did again! And now I just wanted to run away, screaming!
But why?
My heart started pounding like someone trapped in an elevator who is about to plunge to a terrible demise. I couldnât get my breath. He then whispered something in my ear.
âWHAT?â I said loudly, because I didnât hear him. I couldnât hear anything. Well, thatâs not true, I DID hear SWR saying, âEw.â
âThanks, you SAVED me,â he repeated.
I can hardly remember the next bit because my head was spinning like a Tilt-A-Whirl. But I must have somehow gone in, ordered, and paid for my Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness cone because the next thing I knew, I was marching directly out the back door of the shop. Alone.
As in, with no one following me.
Not Kai the Kisser. Not Ruth, my supposed new friend. Not
anyone
.
I kept marching until I got to the beach, but by then, I felt light-headed. From the SHOCK! And my ice cream had melted all over my hand, giving me that gross sticky-finger situation that I hate. I was tragically forced to throw away the cone. I threw away Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness! Could things get worse?
I thought about it. I guess it would be worse if, for example, a passing great white shark â and yes, they DO have those here â could suddenly become demented and throw itself onto the beach, snapping its jaws at everything that moved, chomping off my right leg below the knee before belly flopping back into the bay. Worse, no?
Maybe not, actually.
At least that wouldnât be
embarrassing
. Or
awkward
.
I sat and ran sand through
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