The Desire by Gary Smalley Page B

then?”
    â€œI think so. Is there some reason I shouldn’t be?”
    â€œI just thought that you might, you know, because you . . . you haven’t been able to get pregnant yet. And you’ve been trying all this time. We’ve talked about how much it bothers you how easily some women who don’t even want children get pregnant, or can’t take care of them. And other women like you are totally ready to be moms and want children desperately, but can’t.”
    Michele heard the patio door open and turned. Allan was coming inside. “I remember talking about that, and when I do think about it, it does bother me. So I try not to think about it very much.”
    â€œSee, that’s what I’m talking about,” her mother said. “Having this girl living in the garage apartment, won’t her presence constantly force you to think about it? Every time you see her? Every time you come over for a visit? Especially in these next two months. She’s really showing now, but in a month she’ll be even bigger. A month after that, the baby will be here.”
    Allan walked past her and motioned that he was heading upstairs to wash his hands. Michele nodded. She was actually glad he was out of earshot, so she could speak more freely. “Mom, I don’t see it being too much of a problem. Isee pregnant women all the time at church. Quite a few of my students’ moms are pregnant. Just as many push little babies in strollers. I think I can handle this. Are you thinking she’ll want Allan and me to adopt her baby? Is that what all this is about?”
    â€œNo, I don’t think that has anything to do with this. She’s planning to go through an adoption agency anyway. I just didn’t want to cause you any pain. I know how hard this whole thing’s been on you. I didn’t want to do anything to add to it.”
    â€œThat was very thoughtful. But let me put your mind at ease. I’m really okay. Well, most of the time I am. Allan and I haven’t really begun to explore all the medical things available for couples going through what we’re dealing with. Actually, that’s the next big conversation I want to have with him. I’m just waiting till he recovers from this trip. But I’m not even thinking about adoption right now, so hanging around this young girl shouldn’t cause any more pain than usual. At least that’s how I’m seeing it now.”
    â€œI’m really glad to hear that, Michele.”
    â€œWe keep talking about ‘this girl.’ What’s her name, anyway?”
    â€œWe’re really supposed to keep that confidential. But I guess that’s kind of silly if she’s going to be living here with us. I think you’ll really like her once you get to know her. She’s a little rough around the edges, but she’s very sweet.”
    â€œAnd her name is . . .”
    â€œHer name’s Christina.”

19
    F or the first half of their meal, Allan did most of the talking. This was largely because Michele kept asking him questions. She did her best to avoid questions about Korah, the dump site where he’d spent his last two days. Whenever he talked about Korah, she became uncomfortable. It wasn’t so much the things he’d said, which were hard to hear. All of it was hard to hear. It was the emotional effect it had on him. She was trying to get him back on track; back in the present, not stuck in Korah.
    This tactic didn’t work. At some point, he stopped eating, stopped talking, and just stared at his plate.
    â€œWhat’s the matter?” she said.
    â€œNothing. I was just thinking . . . this casserole tastes way better than it looks.”
    â€œHey!” She slapped him in the arm. “I worked hard on that.”
    â€œYou know what I mean,” he said. “Look at it. The green noodles, the gray sausage, and what is that mixed in? Cottage