his tone of voice. He was stating facts and obviously didn’t care which decision I made. He wasn’t going to force me to eat, but he also wasn’t going to let me feed myself either.
“So be it,” he said, and put the spoon back on the tray, then stood.
I grabbed his arm. “No! Please, I’ll eat. I-please, I can feed myself though,” I offered.
“What are the rules when you’re being punished?” he asked, still standing. His tone was so detached as he stared down at me, waiting for my answer.
I stared back at him in shock, my jaw hanging open. A chill swept over me and I felt the goose bumps rise on my arms. “But I haven’t done anything wrong. I-I just got here.” My voice cracked at the end.
I didn’t want to be here where I didn’t know what to expect. I wanted to go home. As the knot of emotion formed in my chest and I began to cry, I wiped hastily at my eyes. I hated that he could make me cry so easily.
“And why is that?” he asked.
I was confused. “Why is what? I don’t understand.”
“Why did you just get here? Why haven’t you been here for the last twelve years?” he asked, his cold voice now laced with anger, and it scared me even more. When I hesitated, he yelled, “Why, Jayden?
Why haven’t you been here?!”
I cringed back in the chair, not knowing if he would turn physical. The Nicky I knew before would never hit me in anger. He’d only spanked me when his father demanded. But that was a long time ago and this was an entirely different Nicholas.
“I left,” I whispered. Fear filled my mind and took over my body. I could feel the tremors in my fingers and laced them together in my lap, staring down at them.
“That’s right, and what is the punishment for running away, Jayden?” he demanded.
I squeezed my eyes shut as tears tracked endlessly down my face. I remembered the small, dark place in my nightmares. I couldn’t take that again. I was claustrophobic, and small spaces caused me to have panic attacks. When I was a kid, I always offered to be “It” when playing hide-andseek. I was never
able to hide in closets or small places without becoming a screaming lunatic. If he did that to me now, I would lose my mind.
“Please, Nicholas. I can’t,” I cried. “You can’t put me in” I couldn’t even say the word. I choked on the lump of fear lodged firmly in my throat. “Anything but that. I-I can’t handle small spaces. I-I’m claustrophobic.” I looked up at him, begging. I’d get down on my knees if that’s what it took.
“Please.”
I stared down at her, seeing the tears running unchecked down her cheeks. She was trembling so hard I fully expected her teeth to start chattering next. Her eyes were filled with so much fear. I swallowed involuntarily when the guilt pricked my conscience. It was important that she remember. It was necessary to break her, to remind her of those consequences, so I could use them to control her.
So why did seeing that fear make me feel guilty? I refused to answer that question. I thought about the cage sitting in my closet and brushed away the guilt, returning my focus to my purpose. That I was the one putting that fear in her eyes was another thing I could blame on her mother. Twelve years ago, Jayden had been settling into this life with me. She’d stopped trying to run away and had finally even stopped talking about her mother. I convinced my father to invite them to dinner that night to prove that they meant nothing to Jayden any longer and that she belonged to me completely. It was a test that she passed with flying colors. She’d clung to my side all afternoon, refusing to talk to the strangers invited to dinner. Then everything had gone to hell.
Now I had to reestablish my hold on Jayden, and I would use whatever means necessary to break her.
I returned my focus on my purpose. I was still undecided on how long I would make her stay in the cage; when she was five her punishments ranged from just a few days
“So be it,” he said, and put the spoon back on the tray, then stood.
I grabbed his arm. “No! Please, I’ll eat. I-please, I can feed myself though,” I offered.
“What are the rules when you’re being punished?” he asked, still standing. His tone was so detached as he stared down at me, waiting for my answer.
I stared back at him in shock, my jaw hanging open. A chill swept over me and I felt the goose bumps rise on my arms. “But I haven’t done anything wrong. I-I just got here.” My voice cracked at the end.
I didn’t want to be here where I didn’t know what to expect. I wanted to go home. As the knot of emotion formed in my chest and I began to cry, I wiped hastily at my eyes. I hated that he could make me cry so easily.
“And why is that?” he asked.
I was confused. “Why is what? I don’t understand.”
“Why did you just get here? Why haven’t you been here for the last twelve years?” he asked, his cold voice now laced with anger, and it scared me even more. When I hesitated, he yelled, “Why, Jayden?
Why haven’t you been here?!”
I cringed back in the chair, not knowing if he would turn physical. The Nicky I knew before would never hit me in anger. He’d only spanked me when his father demanded. But that was a long time ago and this was an entirely different Nicholas.
“I left,” I whispered. Fear filled my mind and took over my body. I could feel the tremors in my fingers and laced them together in my lap, staring down at them.
“That’s right, and what is the punishment for running away, Jayden?” he demanded.
I squeezed my eyes shut as tears tracked endlessly down my face. I remembered the small, dark place in my nightmares. I couldn’t take that again. I was claustrophobic, and small spaces caused me to have panic attacks. When I was a kid, I always offered to be “It” when playing hide-andseek. I was never
able to hide in closets or small places without becoming a screaming lunatic. If he did that to me now, I would lose my mind.
“Please, Nicholas. I can’t,” I cried. “You can’t put me in” I couldn’t even say the word. I choked on the lump of fear lodged firmly in my throat. “Anything but that. I-I can’t handle small spaces. I-I’m claustrophobic.” I looked up at him, begging. I’d get down on my knees if that’s what it took.
“Please.”
I stared down at her, seeing the tears running unchecked down her cheeks. She was trembling so hard I fully expected her teeth to start chattering next. Her eyes were filled with so much fear. I swallowed involuntarily when the guilt pricked my conscience. It was important that she remember. It was necessary to break her, to remind her of those consequences, so I could use them to control her.
So why did seeing that fear make me feel guilty? I refused to answer that question. I thought about the cage sitting in my closet and brushed away the guilt, returning my focus to my purpose. That I was the one putting that fear in her eyes was another thing I could blame on her mother. Twelve years ago, Jayden had been settling into this life with me. She’d stopped trying to run away and had finally even stopped talking about her mother. I convinced my father to invite them to dinner that night to prove that they meant nothing to Jayden any longer and that she belonged to me completely. It was a test that she passed with flying colors. She’d clung to my side all afternoon, refusing to talk to the strangers invited to dinner. Then everything had gone to hell.
Now I had to reestablish my hold on Jayden, and I would use whatever means necessary to break her.
I returned my focus on my purpose. I was still undecided on how long I would make her stay in the cage; when she was five her punishments ranged from just a few days
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