wife and two sons.
You
must try to see this from his point of view – he comforted you at your mother’s funeral, but it meantno more than that. I’m sorry if I sound unkind, but you’ll have to get over this – this, er, obsession. You must pray for help to get over it.’
‘Oh, shut up! Don’t pretend that you understand, because you
don’t
!’ Beryl shouted, so that Mary recoiled. ‘Go and leave me in peace!’
Mary put on her gloves. ‘I’m sorry to find you in this state of mind, Beryl, and I can see that I’ve been wasting my time and yours. Just think over what I’ve said, and if you are so strongly affected by Mr Bolt, keep away from him for his sake as well as your own. I’ll leave now – don’t get up, I can see myself out. And I’ll pray for you.’
She chided herself as she got into her car. I’ve only made things worse, she thought, and done more harm than good. Her annoyance at her clumsy handling of a delicate situation was equalled by her apprehension of what the silly woman might do next.
Alone, Beryl fell to her knees, facing the armchair where Mary had sat.
‘O Lord, almighty Father,
you
see,
you
know, take pity on me and lead
him
to pity me, too. I only ask for a kind look, a word, a touch, a handshake, even a little note, that’s all I ask, anything to relieve this emptiness, this terrible longing!’
She remained on her knees for several minutes, then got up and went to the china cabinet, unlocked it and took out a paperweight of Venetian glass, a smooth, circular object with a swirl of rainbowcolours expertly caught within it. She kissed it, and took a carved wooden box from the top of the cabinet, reverently placing the costly object upon its crimson velvet lining.
‘My New Year present for you, my beloved, to stay on your desk and remind you of me every time you use it.’
Bridget Hammond called it ‘No man’s land’, that week between Christmas and New Year, too late and yet too early. Shelagh remembered her mother’s words as Paul turned and seized her.
‘God, Shelagh, I’ve been needing this!’
‘And I too, Paul – oh, how much!’
From kisses they progressed to breathless culmination, and Paul groaned aloud as he climaxed. She wondered if anybody could hear beyond their locked door, not that it mattered, for they were unknown here. She felt his weight lie heavily upon her as his muscles relaxed and he slowly withdrew from her body. Outside the snow which had begun to fall on Boxing night continued to cover the whole countryside.
‘Wonderful, darling,’ he said thickly, lowering his head to lie beside hers on the pillow. ‘And you, darling Shelagh, did you come with me?’
‘Yes, yes, of course, Paul – you took my breath away!’
It was not true. She had not reached a climax.The unfamiliarity of the room, her weariness after the drive, the knowing look of the woman who had booked them in as Mr and Mrs Thompson, and always the thought of her mother’s decline and the dreadful possibility of her death during this one night away – it never left her mind. Suppose Aunt Maura were to phone the hospital – oh, God forbid! If only it were possible to wipe away all memory just for a day and a night, to let her enjoy their lovemaking without being racked by guilt: guilt because she was here with the man she loved, in a discreet B & B near the sea at Eastbourne, and guilt because she was deceiving her mother. She could not abandon herself to his urgent lovemaking, and had to pretend that she had.
Slowly, gently, she rolled herself from beneath him – he was already asleep – then lay on her back, looking towards the darkened window, hearing the distant sound of waves upon the shore and his deep, contented breathing. A couple taking time off in No Man’s Land to commit adultery – but
no
, neither of them were married, which made it the lesser sin of fornication, though just as bad in her mother’s eyes; but her mother did not know, and would
You
must try to see this from his point of view – he comforted you at your mother’s funeral, but it meantno more than that. I’m sorry if I sound unkind, but you’ll have to get over this – this, er, obsession. You must pray for help to get over it.’
‘Oh, shut up! Don’t pretend that you understand, because you
don’t
!’ Beryl shouted, so that Mary recoiled. ‘Go and leave me in peace!’
Mary put on her gloves. ‘I’m sorry to find you in this state of mind, Beryl, and I can see that I’ve been wasting my time and yours. Just think over what I’ve said, and if you are so strongly affected by Mr Bolt, keep away from him for his sake as well as your own. I’ll leave now – don’t get up, I can see myself out. And I’ll pray for you.’
She chided herself as she got into her car. I’ve only made things worse, she thought, and done more harm than good. Her annoyance at her clumsy handling of a delicate situation was equalled by her apprehension of what the silly woman might do next.
Alone, Beryl fell to her knees, facing the armchair where Mary had sat.
‘O Lord, almighty Father,
you
see,
you
know, take pity on me and lead
him
to pity me, too. I only ask for a kind look, a word, a touch, a handshake, even a little note, that’s all I ask, anything to relieve this emptiness, this terrible longing!’
She remained on her knees for several minutes, then got up and went to the china cabinet, unlocked it and took out a paperweight of Venetian glass, a smooth, circular object with a swirl of rainbowcolours expertly caught within it. She kissed it, and took a carved wooden box from the top of the cabinet, reverently placing the costly object upon its crimson velvet lining.
‘My New Year present for you, my beloved, to stay on your desk and remind you of me every time you use it.’
Bridget Hammond called it ‘No man’s land’, that week between Christmas and New Year, too late and yet too early. Shelagh remembered her mother’s words as Paul turned and seized her.
‘God, Shelagh, I’ve been needing this!’
‘And I too, Paul – oh, how much!’
From kisses they progressed to breathless culmination, and Paul groaned aloud as he climaxed. She wondered if anybody could hear beyond their locked door, not that it mattered, for they were unknown here. She felt his weight lie heavily upon her as his muscles relaxed and he slowly withdrew from her body. Outside the snow which had begun to fall on Boxing night continued to cover the whole countryside.
‘Wonderful, darling,’ he said thickly, lowering his head to lie beside hers on the pillow. ‘And you, darling Shelagh, did you come with me?’
‘Yes, yes, of course, Paul – you took my breath away!’
It was not true. She had not reached a climax.The unfamiliarity of the room, her weariness after the drive, the knowing look of the woman who had booked them in as Mr and Mrs Thompson, and always the thought of her mother’s decline and the dreadful possibility of her death during this one night away – it never left her mind. Suppose Aunt Maura were to phone the hospital – oh, God forbid! If only it were possible to wipe away all memory just for a day and a night, to let her enjoy their lovemaking without being racked by guilt: guilt because she was here with the man she loved, in a discreet B & B near the sea at Eastbourne, and guilt because she was deceiving her mother. She could not abandon herself to his urgent lovemaking, and had to pretend that she had.
Slowly, gently, she rolled herself from beneath him – he was already asleep – then lay on her back, looking towards the darkened window, hearing the distant sound of waves upon the shore and his deep, contented breathing. A couple taking time off in No Man’s Land to commit adultery – but
no
, neither of them were married, which made it the lesser sin of fornication, though just as bad in her mother’s eyes; but her mother did not know, and would
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