The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane Page A

Before key meetings, she’ll imagine “the smiles on their faces because they liked me and they are confident about the value I’m bringing them. I’ll imagine as much detail as I can, even seeing the wrinkles around their eyes as they’re smiling.” She visualizes the whole interaction, all the way through to the firm handshakes that close the meeting, sealing the deal.
    I’ve even found visualization helpful before writing important e-mails. Just as the right visualization helps you get into the right body language so that the right signals flow effortlessly, you can use visualization to get into specific emotional or mental states so that the right words flow as well.
    If, for instance, your message needs to communicate warmth, caring, and empathy, you’ll have a far easier time finding the right words if you can get yourself into a warm and empathetic state. Visualizing a scene that brings up these feelings—imagining a young child coming to tell you her troubles at school—will help prime your mind for the right language to flow.
    Anytime you’re feeling anxious: The surest way to feel better when you’re feeling anxious is to flood your system with oxytocin. Often called the
neuropeptide of trust,
oxytocin instantly reverses the arousal of the fight-or-flight response.
    One of my favorite neuroscience resources, the
Wise Brain Bulletin,
suggested that a twenty-second hug is enough to send oxytocin coursing through your veins, and that you can achieve the same effect just by
imagining
the hug. So the next time you’re feeling anxious, you might want to imagine being wrapped up in a great big hug from someone you care about.
    Time and time again, my clients are astounded by how effective these techniques are. “Visualization techniques have saved lives at MIT,” one recent graduate told me. This famously high-achieving institution is also known for high rates of suicide, especially during final exams (MIT’s suicide rate during the period was 38 percent higher than Harvard’s, for instance 3 ). The MIT Health Center now distributes visualization CDs to students during final exams.
    One client called visualization techniques “real-life Jedi mindtricks.” Another told me that while he’d always used visualization techniques in sports and music, he had never thought to apply the same techniques to business and daily life and was astounded at the results (and kicking himself for not having thought of it sooner).
    Nineteenth-century author Napoleon Hill would regularly visualize nine famous men as his personal counselors, including Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thomas Edison, Charles Darwin, and Abraham Lincoln. He wrote: “Every night… I held an imaginary council meeting with this group whom I called my ‘Invisible Counselors.’… I now go to my imaginary counselors with every difficult problem that confronts me and my clients. The results are often astonishing.”
    Choose your own counselors according to which emotions they embody for you. Hill’s chosen self-confidence counselor was Napoleon Bonaparte. To boost your charisma, choose figures who represent complete self-confidence, or warmth and caring, or calm and serenity. Or you might even find some figures who embody all the elements at once. Visualize yourself going to these figures for a “pep talk” anytime you feel you need one. Thanks to the brain’s wonderful placebo response, this will produce effects even if it doesn’t feel real.
    Visualization is indeed a powerful tool. Of all the charisma-boosting techniques, this is the one I recommend making a permanent part of your toolkit. If you gain nothing else from this book, this one technique will make a critical difference to your charisma.
    Gratitude, Goodwill, and Compassion
    Warmth is one of the key components of charismatic behavior. It can make people like you, trust you, and want to help you. Unfortunately, for many people, warmth isn’t an obvious, easy feeling to access; it just