The Cauliflower by Nicola Barker Page B

tell them to come and see him again. They visit, astonished that he has remembered them; then Navagopal (who has faithfully chanted a kirtan every day since) and his wife, Nistarini, host a party for the Master. Many dishes are served to the Master, but as Nistarini presents him with his favorite desert (sandesh—a sweet, moist fudge made of cottage cheese) she is overwhelmed by a powerful urge.…
    Sri Ramakrishna ( gazing at Nistarini intently, amused ): “What? You wish to feed me this sweet with your own hands?”
    Nistarini ( astonished and embarrassed that the Master has read her thoughts, lowering her eyes, modestly ): “Yes, I would like to, very much.”
    Sri Ramakrishna nods, then smiles, then opens his mouth. Nistarini picks up a small piece of the sweet and prepares to feed the Master with it—in much the same way one might make an offering of sweets to the image of a deity. She lifts her eyes and gazes into his open mouth, then gasps, appalled. Inside the Master’s throat she sees the head of a giant snake, jaws agape, waiting to receive the offering. This serpentlike creature she recognizes as the Master’s kundalini . She rapidly withdraws her hand, stops feeding the Master, and retreats. The Master slowly and quietly feeds himself, then kindly offers what remains on the plate back to the terrified Nistarini to be distributed as prasad among her many guests.
    1885. Sri Ramakrishna meets a former devotee after a long interval. The former devotee admits that he has stopped visiting the guru because some of his newer devotees are now proclaiming him as the new messiah. Sri Ramakrishna just laughs, points to his throat, and croaks:
    â€œThey think I am God—
    But their God has throat cancer.…
    What fools they must be!”
    A potted version of the crazy stand-up comedy life of one of Sri Ramakrishna’s most loyal and eccentric devotees: Durga Charan Nag
    Durga Charan Nag, 1846–1899 (better known as Nag Mahashay, or Great-souled One), was training as a homeopathic doctor when he first visited Sri Ramakrishna at the Dakshineswar Kali Temple and Sri Ramakrishna became his guru (although Sri Ramakrishna would not tolerate the use of this word, obviously). He was one of Sri Ramakrishna’s householder disciples. These were men and women who were totally dedicated to God but who were nonetheless obliged to support the burden of wives, husbands, and families. This meant that they were tied to material concerns (running homes, earning wages, et cetera) and so could not fulfill their ultimate dream of giving up all worldly obligations to become itinerant monks.
    Nag Mahashay celebrated a kind of faith called urjhita bhakti (or “exuberant devotion”) and had been this way from his early childhood. It was a state of mind completely natural to him. He would only talk about spiritual matters. If anyone spoke in Nag Mahashay’s company on issues that were not spiritual, he would instantly change the subject.
    Nag Mahashay was so unbelievably humble that he would never contradict another person or speak a harsh word against anyone. A notable occasion on which he broke this rule (a show of irritation or loss of temper was contrary to the will of God, which is love , after all) resulted in him picking up a large stone and beating himself over the head with it until copious amounts of blood were drawn.
    Nag Mahashay had been forced—by a strict and demanding father—to marry, even though this was against all his inclinations. His first wife died, and then his father forced him to marry again. His second wife was spiritually inclined and highly forbearing. Nonetheless, the young Nag Mahashay often made a habit of sleeping outside their home, perched on a low tree branch, so as to avoid jeopardizing his sexual virtue.
    Nag Mahashay lived by the holy maxim that “He who has controlled his tongue has controlled everything.”
    He never applied sugar or