The Cat Who Could Read Backwards by Lilian Jackson Braun Page A

you Monty wanted you for a cat-sitter." A few minutes later, when he turned the car into Blenheim Place, he said, "Doesn't this neighborhood scare the hell out of you? The characters you see on the streets!"
     
     
"They don't bother me," said Qwilleran.
     
     
"You wouldn't get me to live here! I'm a coward."
     
     
A folded newspaper lay on the porch of No. 26. Qwilleran picked it up, unlocked the front door, and closed it quickly behind him, glad to get in out of the cold. He rattled the door handle to make sure it was locked again - as Mountclemens had warned him to do.
     
     
Using a second key, he unlocked the inner vestibule door. And that's when he recoiled in black fright!
     
     
Out of the dark came a wild scream. Qwilleran's mind went blank. The hairs of his moustache stood on end. His heart pounded. Instinctively he gripped the newspaper like a club.
     
     
Then he realized the source of the scream. Koko was waiting for him. Koko was scolding him. Koko was hungry. Koko was furious.
     
     
Qwilleran leaned against the doorjamb and gasped. He loosened his tie.
     
     
"Never do that again!" he told the cat.
     
     
Koko was sitting on the table that was supported by golden lions, and he retorted with a torrent of abuse.
     
     
"All right! All right!" Qwilleran yelled at him. "I apologize. I forgot, that's all. Important business downtown."
     
     
Koko continued his tirade.
     
     
"Wait till I take my coat off, will you?"
     
     
Once Qwilleran started upstairs, the tumult ceased. The cat bounded ahead and led him into Mountclemens' apartment, which was in darkness. Qwilleran groped for a light switch. This delay irritated Koko, who commenced another vocal demonstration. Now the piercing cries had gravel-throated undertones signifying menace.
     
     
"I'm coming. I'm coming," said Qwilleran, following the cat down the long narrow hall to the kitchen. Koko led him directly to the refrigerator, where there was a chunk of beef waiting in a glass tray. It looked like a whole tenderloin.
     
     
Qwilleran put the meat on a built-in butcher's block and hunted for a sharp knife.
     
     
"Where does he keep his knives?" he said, pulling open one drawer after another.
     
     
Koko leaped lightly to the adjoining counter and nosed a knife rack, where five handsome blades hung point downward on a magnetized bar.
     
     
"Thanks," said Qwilleran. He started to carve the beef, marveling at the quality of the cutlery. Real chef's knives. They made meat-cutting a pleasure. How did Mountclemens say to cut the beef? The size of a kidney bean or the size of a navy bean? And how about the broth? He said to warm it in broth. Where was the broth?
     
     
The cat was sitting on the counter, supervising every move with what appeared to be an impatient scowl.
     
     
Qwilleran said, "How about eating it raw, old man? Since it's so late - "
     
     
Koko gargled a low note in his throat, which Qwilleran assumed was acquiescence. In a cupboard he found a plate - white porcelain with a wide gold band. He arranged the meat on it - attractively, he thought - and placed it on the floor alongside a ceramic water bowl decorated with the word "cat" in three languages.
     
     
Koko jumped to the floor with a grunt, walked to the plate, and examined the beef. Then he looked up at Qwilleran with incredulity displayed in the tilt of his ears.
     
     
"Go ahead. Eat," said Qwilleran. "Enjoy it in good health."
     
     
Koko lowered his head once more. He sniffed. He touched the beef with his paw and gave a perceptible shudder. He shook his paw fastidiously and walked away, his tail pointed stiffly toward the North Star.
     
     
Later, after Qwilleran had found some thin gravy in the refrigerator and prepared the meal properly, Kao K'o Kung consented to dine.
     
     
The newsman related the experience at the Press Club the following noon when he had lunch with Arch Riker and Lodge Kendall.
     
     
"But this morning I acquitted myself admirably,"