and cracked, Ed replied, “There’s nothing worse than a snippy youngster. Hush, child. Your momma won’t be pleased with my report on you. You did say this was your first evening out without a chaperone?”
“Yes, sir, Mr. Hollingsworth.” Then she looked over at him and said, “That is an elegant name. What was your original last name? The one before this one.”
“So. You don’t think I’m elegant?”
She replied thoughtfully, “Rather basic, to my scant knowledge. You do know how to bone a fish the neatest I’ve ever witnessed.”
He inquired with curiosity, “Then why did you cut it crossways?”
“I wanted to see what you’d say. You were very brave and quite mature in keeping your shock to yourself.”
“Then you do realize a fish is filleted?”
“Honey, we’ve lived on the Illinois River for a long, long time.”
He nodded, accepting that premise, and replied, “We’re probably blood kin, if you go back far enough.”
“That would certainly shock my mother.”
“She doesn’t even know me! What have you said about me to her?”
“Nothing!” Marcia was indignant. “If we turned out to be kin, you would want to home in on our family, and you would shock my mother.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re wicked.”
His face went blank and his lips parted just a bit in shock as he glanced over at Marcia. “I’ve been a perfect gentleman!” Indignation is an excellent barrier. And how could she have read his mind and found out otherwise?
“I’ve been aware of the sly movements. You’ve touched me about everywhere…by accident.”
“They all were accidental!”
“So you’re aware you’ve been brushing around on me?”
“I have not! I’m a gentleman!”
“Who says so?”
“My mother.”
“A blind woman?”
“No! She’s a hovering buzzard of a mother. She watches us like a hawk! You wouldn’t believe what a weasel she is in questioning our conduct!”
“Hmmm.” She narrowed her eyes. “A hawk, a weasel and a buzzard? Genetically, you’re an interesting combination. What influence did your father contribute?”
“He showed us that it’s never worth the time to argue. Any man who argues with a woman only gets in deeper. All a guy can do is to just do everything her way and leave the house as soon as he can.”
“One of those.”
“Dad taught us that a guy can go back again. Just to wait long enough for her to calm down and miss him.”
“I believe that is a very stupid thing to do. While she’s trying to communicate, you ought to listen to her. You just might learn something. If you keep walking out until the quarrel blows over, you won’t really know what’s wrong. The quarrel might heal over, but it’ll fester and it could burst into a real problem.”
He looked over at her. “How’d you get that smart?”
“I’m a woman.”
He was silent. He coughed once. He licked his lips. Then he finally glanced over at her. She was sitting in a serene manner, looking out of her window. She had spoken.
He coughed another time or two.
She turned her head slowly and asked with a false concern, “Swallow a bone?”
He laughed as he said, “Probably.”
She suggested, “Stop the car and I’ll whack you on the back.”
“I hesitate to ask on the back…of what?”
“How many backs do you have?”
“There’s the back of my head, the back of my knees, the back of—”
Prissily, she instructed, “When one chokes, one swats the chokee on the back of his chest.”
“Oh.”
In a disbelieving tone, she inquired, “You’ve never done that before?”
“Nobody I know chokes.”
“You probably reply differently to those you know well.”
“Different…from what?”
“Friends who aren’t women. My telling you I knew because I am a woman caused you to choke. What have you thought I was? I’m told I do look female.”
With some seriousness, he allowed her the tribute. “You think like a man.”
“No. I think like a human.”
“Do you
“Yes, sir, Mr. Hollingsworth.” Then she looked over at him and said, “That is an elegant name. What was your original last name? The one before this one.”
“So. You don’t think I’m elegant?”
She replied thoughtfully, “Rather basic, to my scant knowledge. You do know how to bone a fish the neatest I’ve ever witnessed.”
He inquired with curiosity, “Then why did you cut it crossways?”
“I wanted to see what you’d say. You were very brave and quite mature in keeping your shock to yourself.”
“Then you do realize a fish is filleted?”
“Honey, we’ve lived on the Illinois River for a long, long time.”
He nodded, accepting that premise, and replied, “We’re probably blood kin, if you go back far enough.”
“That would certainly shock my mother.”
“She doesn’t even know me! What have you said about me to her?”
“Nothing!” Marcia was indignant. “If we turned out to be kin, you would want to home in on our family, and you would shock my mother.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re wicked.”
His face went blank and his lips parted just a bit in shock as he glanced over at Marcia. “I’ve been a perfect gentleman!” Indignation is an excellent barrier. And how could she have read his mind and found out otherwise?
“I’ve been aware of the sly movements. You’ve touched me about everywhere…by accident.”
“They all were accidental!”
“So you’re aware you’ve been brushing around on me?”
“I have not! I’m a gentleman!”
“Who says so?”
“My mother.”
“A blind woman?”
“No! She’s a hovering buzzard of a mother. She watches us like a hawk! You wouldn’t believe what a weasel she is in questioning our conduct!”
“Hmmm.” She narrowed her eyes. “A hawk, a weasel and a buzzard? Genetically, you’re an interesting combination. What influence did your father contribute?”
“He showed us that it’s never worth the time to argue. Any man who argues with a woman only gets in deeper. All a guy can do is to just do everything her way and leave the house as soon as he can.”
“One of those.”
“Dad taught us that a guy can go back again. Just to wait long enough for her to calm down and miss him.”
“I believe that is a very stupid thing to do. While she’s trying to communicate, you ought to listen to her. You just might learn something. If you keep walking out until the quarrel blows over, you won’t really know what’s wrong. The quarrel might heal over, but it’ll fester and it could burst into a real problem.”
He looked over at her. “How’d you get that smart?”
“I’m a woman.”
He was silent. He coughed once. He licked his lips. Then he finally glanced over at her. She was sitting in a serene manner, looking out of her window. She had spoken.
He coughed another time or two.
She turned her head slowly and asked with a false concern, “Swallow a bone?”
He laughed as he said, “Probably.”
She suggested, “Stop the car and I’ll whack you on the back.”
“I hesitate to ask on the back…of what?”
“How many backs do you have?”
“There’s the back of my head, the back of my knees, the back of—”
Prissily, she instructed, “When one chokes, one swats the chokee on the back of his chest.”
“Oh.”
In a disbelieving tone, she inquired, “You’ve never done that before?”
“Nobody I know chokes.”
“You probably reply differently to those you know well.”
“Different…from what?”
“Friends who aren’t women. My telling you I knew because I am a woman caused you to choke. What have you thought I was? I’m told I do look female.”
With some seriousness, he allowed her the tribute. “You think like a man.”
“No. I think like a human.”
“Do you
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