sort it out, or, well, you donât really see problems with
people, because you can choose your friends and you donât fall out with them, and if itâs someone at work it doesnât matter and you can tell your boss and complain and ⦠Oh no! She was talking to one of her friends and now they were both looking at me and giving me a look! Crap! Bollocks! Now she was mouthing something at me. I couldnât tell what it was, but it looked a lot like âdyke-ohâ.
âScurrison, Flora?â
I whipped round when I heard my name being called, but was confused and not sure what to do.
Miss Syzlack looked at me too. Why did I used to remember her as nice? The years must have shrivelled her up, like fruit.
âHave you forgotten your name, Miss Scurrison?â
âNo, Miss Syzlack.â
She rubbed one of her eyes. âStay behind and see me,â she said.
Â
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I wanted to crawl out of the door behind Constanzia, who shot me such a soulful and sympathetic look I wondered if there was maybe some truth in the lesbian stuff after all. For some reason, Fallon tutted loudly as she passed me. No no no no! I wanted to stop everything and say, âGuys, that was yesterday. I may, perhaps, have been a lesbonerd. But now, today, Iâm supercool! I can help you out! I bet I have the necessary nonchalance to buy stuff in an off-licence, and boy stuff. Come to me, Iâve done it all.â
âFlora,â said Miss Syzlack. She was sitting perched on her desk, in that nonchalant, âmmkay?â way teachers do when theyâre trying to pretend theyâre down with the kids.
âIs everything all right? You had a lot of people very worried yesterday, you know.â
âYeah, sorry about that,â I said. Iâd have loved a confidante right now, but I hadnât quite come up with a way of telling my story that wouldnât end up with me in the secure unit, tied down on the bed next to the girl who makes the poltergeist appear, so I decided to keep my counsel.
âWell?â
I felt like saying, âMiss, I donât want to come over all Trinny and Susannah here, but have you heard of highlights? Why donât I show you this really friendly womenâs gym? In fact, while Iâve got you here, why donât you give up this teaching thing you so clearly hate altogether and go off round the world?â
I shrugged. âI suppose I just panicked,â I said. âA levels and all that. Just had to blow off some steam. Thatâs pretty typical for my age, isnât it? My hormone levels are all over the place. Iâm surprised I donât have a crush on you.â
Oh, for fuckâs sake.
âI mean, things change every second. I canât even keep up with my own bra size at the moment, never mind the social, academic, biological and cultural pressures teenagers are under.
âAnd it is absolutely not true that these are great years â anyone will agree with that. Itâs unfair also to show us advertisements showing teenagers having the times of their lives, as if itâs good for anyone to end up like Britney Spears. They should really just say, âKeep your head down, your twenties will be fantastic.â Look at these people. They havenât even got their personal hygiene sorted out and theyâre the number one demographic zone-in for advertisers, convincing everyone
else in the world that being sixteen is fantastic. Well, itâs not, I tell you. OK?â
The teacher looked at me, stunned.
âUm ⦠yes. Perhaps, maybe youâd like to visit our educational psychologist.â
âFor what? Plunking it for one day in my entire school career?â
âDonât talk to me like that, please, young lady.â
âWhy not?â
âItâs rude.â
âItâs not rude! And youâre the one who just suggested I go see a bloody psychologist!â
Miss Syzlack looked
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