The Boy I Love by Nina de Gramont Page A

said, his voice so firm he hardly sounded like himself. “They’d care. They’d see me different. I mean, you’ve heard Devon.”
    â€œYes, I have heard Devon,” I said. “Doesn’t that bug you? It sure bugs me.”
    Tim waved this aside like it was nothing. “Devon’s just being Devon. I think he says those things so nobody will think he’s gay.”
    â€œDo you think Devon’s gay?” This thought really surprised me.
    â€œNo,” Tim said, “I don’t. But since he knows it’s pretty much the worst thing anyone can think, he makes sure and says those things. You know? Anyway, friends would be bad enough, but what would be really bad is if my parents found out.”
    â€œYou think they’d mind?”
    â€œWren. They’d go nuts. Our church is already freaking out because of the gay ministers. So our pastor is going to split from the national branch and join this new bunch ofLutherans who pretty much say they hate all gay people.” Tim got quiet, then added, “I don’t think my father would ever speak to me again.”
    â€œCome on,” I said. “You’re his son .”
    Tim looked at me like I didn’t know what I was talking about. I couldn’t think of anything I could do, ever, that would make my parents not speak to me. Even though things at home were tense, I knew that I could rob every bank in Williamsport and my mom would still show up at the jail every Saturday with a stack of horse magazines and a box of pralines.
    â€œHere’s how I figure it,” Tim said. “When I go to college, maybe then I’ll meet someone. And I’ll have to tell my parents, tell everyone. But until then, why rock the boat?”
    I could see his point about this. “But you know,” I said, nodding my head in agreement, “one person who wouldn’t care at all would be Allie. We could tell her.”
    â€œShe’d tell Devon.”
    â€œShe might not tell him, if we told her not to.” But even as I spoke I wasn’t absolutely sure about this, not like I would have been even a month before.
    â€œStill,” Tim said. “I don’t want to risk it. Okay? Look at that poor kid Jesse. No way am I going to be that guy.”
    Jesse Gill hadn’t made the play. Every time I saw him, he was all by himself. I heard that guys in gym class wouldn’t let him in the showers, and I saw myself that someone wrotea gross word on his locker. It was too bad he hadn’t just stayed at Cutty River, where you could get detention just for using the word “retard”. A girl I knew called herself a retard and got three straight days of detention. Thinking about this, I felt anger brewing. Why shouldn’t Jesse be able to be at Williamsport and not get harassed?
    So I could sure see why Tim would want to avoid Jesse’s fate. Since pretty much everyone in the school adored Tim, he had a long way to fall. So I assured him I would keep my promise and never say a word, not to anyone. Tim still looked worried, almost like he wished he hadn’t told me, so I added, “Promise!” And I vowed then and there not to ask him again if I could tell anyone. I wondered if he had any idea that Allie had a big crush on him. I felt like telling him, and might have—but that would have shown I couldn’t keep a secret, which was the last message I wanted to get across.
    I moved a little closer to Tim, and he draped his arm around me. It’s hard to find words to tell you how good it felt, and I closed my eyes and reveled a little bit in the moment. When I opened my eyes, I saw a proper-looking blond lady in high heels open the pool gate and come click-clacking over to us. She wore lipstick and had kind of poufy, perfect hair.
    â€œWell, hi, honey,” she said to Tim. I couldn’t see her eyes because they were shaded by big, dark sunglasses. I scootched a little away from