not, Mo. It's the worst call I've ever made to you. '
'Come on, David, that's pretty dramatic. We've been through a lot-'
'Listen to me!' yelled Webb. 'She's gone] They've taken her!' The words poured forth, sequences lacking order, the times confused.
'Stop it, David!' commanded Panov. 'Go back. I want to hear it from the beginning. When this man came to see you after your... the memories of your brother. '
' What man?'
'From the State Department. '
'Yes! All right, yes. McAllister, that was his name. '
'Go from there. Names, titles, positions. And spell out the name of that banker in Hong Kong. And for Christ's sake, slow down?
Webb again grabbed his wrist as it gripped the phone. He started again, imposing a false control on his speech; but still it became strident, tight, involuntarily gathering speed. Finally he managed to get everything out, everything he could recall, knowing in horror that he had not remembered everything. Unknown blank spaces filled him with pain. They were coming back, the terrible blank spaces. He had said all he could say for the moment; there was nothing left.
'David,' began Mo Panov firmly. 'I want you to do something for me. Now. '
'What?
'It may sound foolish to you, even a little bit crazy, but I suggest you go down the street to the beach and take a walk along the shore. A half hour, forty-five minutes, that's all. Listen to the surf and the waves crashing against the rocks. '
'You can't be serious? protested Webb.
'I'm very serious,' insisted Mo. 'Remember we agreed once that there were times when people should put their heads on hold - God knows, I do it more than a reasonably respected psychiatrist should. Things can overwhelm us, and before we can get our act together we have to get rid of part of the confusion. Do as 1 ask, David. I'll get back to you as soon as I can, no more than an hour, I'd guess. And Iwant you calmer than you are now. '
It was crazy, but as with so much of what Panov quietly, often casually, suggested, there was truth in his words. Webb walked along the cold, rocky beach, never for an instant forgetting what had happened, but whether it was the change of scene, or the wind, or the incessant, repetitive sounds of the pounding ocean, he found himself breathing more steadily every bit as deeply, as tremulously, as before but without the higher registers of hysteria. He looked at his watch, at the luminous dial aided by the moonlight. He had walked back and forth for thirty-two minutes; it was all the indulgence he could bear. He climbed the path through the dunes of wild grass to the street and headed for the house, his pace quickening with every step.
He sat in his chair at the desk, his eyes rigid on the phone. It rang; he picked it up before the bell had stopped. 'Mo?'
'Yes. '
'It was damned cold out there. Thank you. '
Thank you. "
'What have you learned?'
And then the extension of the nightmare began.
'How long has Marie been gone, David?"
'I don't know. An hour, two hours, maybe more. What's that got to do with anything?'
'Could she be shopping? Or did you two have a fight and perhaps she wanted to be by herself for a while? We agreed that things are sometimes very difficult for her - you made the point yourself. '
'What the hell are you talking about? There's a note spelling it out! Blood, a hand print!'
'Yes, you mentioned them before, but they're so incriminating. Why would anyone do that?"
'How do I know! It was done -they were done. It's all here!'
'Did you call the police?1
'Christ, no! It's not for the police! It's for us, for me\ Can't you understand that...? What did you find out? Why are you talking like this?'
'Because I have to. In all the sessions, in all the months we talked we never said anything but the truth to each other because the truth is what you have to know. '
'Mo! For God's sake, it's Marie!'
'Please, David, let me finish. If they're lying - and they've lied before - I'll know it and I'll expose them. I
'Come on, David, that's pretty dramatic. We've been through a lot-'
'Listen to me!' yelled Webb. 'She's gone] They've taken her!' The words poured forth, sequences lacking order, the times confused.
'Stop it, David!' commanded Panov. 'Go back. I want to hear it from the beginning. When this man came to see you after your... the memories of your brother. '
' What man?'
'From the State Department. '
'Yes! All right, yes. McAllister, that was his name. '
'Go from there. Names, titles, positions. And spell out the name of that banker in Hong Kong. And for Christ's sake, slow down?
Webb again grabbed his wrist as it gripped the phone. He started again, imposing a false control on his speech; but still it became strident, tight, involuntarily gathering speed. Finally he managed to get everything out, everything he could recall, knowing in horror that he had not remembered everything. Unknown blank spaces filled him with pain. They were coming back, the terrible blank spaces. He had said all he could say for the moment; there was nothing left.
'David,' began Mo Panov firmly. 'I want you to do something for me. Now. '
'What?
'It may sound foolish to you, even a little bit crazy, but I suggest you go down the street to the beach and take a walk along the shore. A half hour, forty-five minutes, that's all. Listen to the surf and the waves crashing against the rocks. '
'You can't be serious? protested Webb.
'I'm very serious,' insisted Mo. 'Remember we agreed once that there were times when people should put their heads on hold - God knows, I do it more than a reasonably respected psychiatrist should. Things can overwhelm us, and before we can get our act together we have to get rid of part of the confusion. Do as 1 ask, David. I'll get back to you as soon as I can, no more than an hour, I'd guess. And Iwant you calmer than you are now. '
It was crazy, but as with so much of what Panov quietly, often casually, suggested, there was truth in his words. Webb walked along the cold, rocky beach, never for an instant forgetting what had happened, but whether it was the change of scene, or the wind, or the incessant, repetitive sounds of the pounding ocean, he found himself breathing more steadily every bit as deeply, as tremulously, as before but without the higher registers of hysteria. He looked at his watch, at the luminous dial aided by the moonlight. He had walked back and forth for thirty-two minutes; it was all the indulgence he could bear. He climbed the path through the dunes of wild grass to the street and headed for the house, his pace quickening with every step.
He sat in his chair at the desk, his eyes rigid on the phone. It rang; he picked it up before the bell had stopped. 'Mo?'
'Yes. '
'It was damned cold out there. Thank you. '
Thank you. "
'What have you learned?'
And then the extension of the nightmare began.
'How long has Marie been gone, David?"
'I don't know. An hour, two hours, maybe more. What's that got to do with anything?'
'Could she be shopping? Or did you two have a fight and perhaps she wanted to be by herself for a while? We agreed that things are sometimes very difficult for her - you made the point yourself. '
'What the hell are you talking about? There's a note spelling it out! Blood, a hand print!'
'Yes, you mentioned them before, but they're so incriminating. Why would anyone do that?"
'How do I know! It was done -they were done. It's all here!'
'Did you call the police?1
'Christ, no! It's not for the police! It's for us, for me\ Can't you understand that...? What did you find out? Why are you talking like this?'
'Because I have to. In all the sessions, in all the months we talked we never said anything but the truth to each other because the truth is what you have to know. '
'Mo! For God's sake, it's Marie!'
'Please, David, let me finish. If they're lying - and they've lied before - I'll know it and I'll expose them. I
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