The Barbarian's Mistress by Nhys Glover Page A

at any cost. If you don’t, then you’re a coward, without valour.’
    She tried to understand his thinking. Valour was just as much a part of the Roman ethos as it was his. And she could see how he had been caught between a rock and a hard place back then. If he had killed for her, more than his own life could have been forfeit. Depending on the way the law was carried out, all the slaves of the household might have been forced to pay the ultimate price for his act of violence. Rome was very harsh with slaves who killed their masters. The legal question would have been whether Publius could be considered Vali’s master. But the risk would have been too great. Just for her.
    ‘I understand. You were right to protect yourself that way. But it doesn’t make me feel any less sad. I was a child, and I loved the person you appeared to be. Don’t concern yourself. It’s time I grew up.’ With that she climbed down from the carrus and turned her back on him so she could pull the blanket out from under the seat.
    She heard him stride away into the trees.

 
    Chapter Seven
     
     
    By the time they drew up for the night, still on the interminable marsh, they had fallen into an uneasy, polite co-operation. They moved in synchronicity, dividing the tasks required to set up for the night, caring for the horses, unpacking their goods, collecting firewood and setting up  the fire, laying out the meal -- all done with utmost courtesy and consideration. 
    It felt like torture.
    After sleeping through the hottest part of the day, Vali had felt better able to deal with his mixed feelings toward his mistress. He was still angry with her for condemning his actions, still felt guilty for hurting her, still considered himself a coward for taking the option he had all those years ago. But somehow he was able to balance those feelings against the needs of the present. But as the afternoon progressed, the mosquitos took their savage toll, and Lara’s polite but distant silences began to tell on him.
    By the time the leg of pork they’d purchased in Forum Apii was nearly ready, Vali was close to breaking. He wanted to escape. He wanted to just get up and walk away, leaving his little mistress, with her harsh judgements, behind. With money in his pocket, and his citizenship printed on vellum, he could take off and forget all this. Forget her.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ she began, her voice croaky. ‘My attitude today has been deplorable. You did nothing wrong. You were a slave in an impossible situation, being forced to do terrible things. How could I expect you to put all that aside and care for me? My ignorance is my only excuse. I have no idea what it must be like to be a slave. I fool myself into thinking that I do, because of the way I’ve been obliged to live, but how arrogant is that? Comparing my luxurious, safe little life to what you and others have suffered was naïve, at the very least. You did the right thing.’
    He turned the spit in silence, feeling a pain in his chest so intense that he couldn’t trust himself to speak. Finally, when he felt ready, he turned to her on the blanket behind him.
    ‘You’re right, you can’t possibly know what it’s like to be chained and filthy on a slave ship you think is about to sink, knowing that the weight of the manacles will drag you, and all of those poor bastards linked to you, down to the bottom of the sea. You can’t know what it’s like to stand on a slave block, your body ogled by everyone, being evaluated for your teeth, muscles and balls. You don’t know what it’s like to have an old woman’s hands on you, stroking you until she has you hard enough so that you can service her like a bull. What it’s like to…’
    His little mistress put her hands over her ears and turned away, curling up into a ball at the far end of the blanket. Fury fought with compassion as he saw what he had reduced her to.
    ‘And I’m glad you haven’t.’ He stopped himself before he said too