is sleep. He turns and looks over at the apartment block where he lives. No doubt they’re all fast asleep now, all those good people. Like the animals, like the trees …
‘So what about you, Jan?’
‘What?’
Hanna is staring at him. ‘Do you remember the worst thing you’ve ever done?’
‘Maybe …’
What did he actually do, that time at Lynx? Jan tries to remember. But the buildings are tilting around him and he seems to be feeling even more drunk, and suddenly the words just come out of their own accord: ‘I once did something stupid … at a nursery in my home town. In Nordbro.’
‘What did you do? What did you do, Jan?’
‘I was looking after the children, it was my first temporary post, and I made a mess of things … I lost a child.’ Jan stares down at the ground, smoothing out an uneven patch of grass with his foot.
‘You lost a child?’
‘Yes. I took a group of children out into the forest, along with a colleague … the group was much too big, really. And when we set off home we didn’t have the right number of children with us. One boy got left behind in the forest, and it was … it was partly my fault.’
‘When was this?’
Jan keeps his eyes fixed on the ground.
Lynx
. He remembers everything, of course. He remembers the air in the forest, just as cold as it is tonight.
‘Nine years ago … almost exactly nine years ago. It was in October.’
Don’t say any more
, he thinks, but Hanna’s blue eyes are gazing intently at him.
‘What was the name of the boy?’
Jan hesitates. ‘I don’t remember,’ he says eventually.
‘So what happened in the end?’ Hanna asks.
‘He was … everything was fine. In the end.’ Jan sighs and adds, ‘But the parents were absolutely devastated, they just broke down completely.’
Hanna shrugs. ‘Idiots … I mean, it was their kid who ran off. They hand over their precious little ones and then expect us to take all the responsibility. Don’t you agree?’
Jan nods, but he is already regretting his confession. Why did he tell her about Lynx? He’s pissed, he’s a drunk. ‘You won’t say anything about this, will you?’
Hanna is still looking at him. ‘To one of the big bosses, you mean?’
‘Yes, or to …’
‘I won’t say anything, Jan. It’s cool.’ She yawns and looks at her watch. ‘I need to go home … I’ve got to get up early for work in the morning.’ She stands on tiptoe and gives him a quick hug. A little bit of warmth in the night. ‘Sleep well, Jan. See you at work.’
‘OK.’
He watches her set off towards the town centre, like a blonde dream figure. Alice Rami is also like a dream to Jan – she is just as vague and indistinct as a poem or a song. All girls are like dreams …
Why did he tell Hanna about Lynx?
Jan’s head slowly begins to clear, and with clarity comes regret.
He shakes his head and unlocks the door. Time to sleep, then work. He’s behaved like an obedient dog for two weeks, and now it’s time for his reward. A night shift all by himself up at the Dell.
15
‘THIS IS THE emergency telephone,’ says Marie-Louise, pointing to a grey phone on the wall in the staffroom, next to Jan’s locker. ‘All you have to do is pick up the receiver and wait, and it rings through automatically.’
‘Where to?’
‘To the main security office by the entrance to the hospital. They’re on duty around the clock over there, so someone will always answer.’ She gives Jan a slightly embarrassed smile and adds, ‘Sometimes it’s nice to know that there’s somebody not too far away at night … although I’m sure you’ll be fine here, won’t you?’
‘Absolutely.’ Jan nods and straightens his back so that he looks alert.
Marie-Louise runs her hand slightly nervously over her throat. ‘Obviously you must ring them if anything happens, but we’ve never needed to do that up to now …’ She quickly turns away from the emergency phone, as if she would prefer to forget about
‘So what about you, Jan?’
‘What?’
Hanna is staring at him. ‘Do you remember the worst thing you’ve ever done?’
‘Maybe …’
What did he actually do, that time at Lynx? Jan tries to remember. But the buildings are tilting around him and he seems to be feeling even more drunk, and suddenly the words just come out of their own accord: ‘I once did something stupid … at a nursery in my home town. In Nordbro.’
‘What did you do? What did you do, Jan?’
‘I was looking after the children, it was my first temporary post, and I made a mess of things … I lost a child.’ Jan stares down at the ground, smoothing out an uneven patch of grass with his foot.
‘You lost a child?’
‘Yes. I took a group of children out into the forest, along with a colleague … the group was much too big, really. And when we set off home we didn’t have the right number of children with us. One boy got left behind in the forest, and it was … it was partly my fault.’
‘When was this?’
Jan keeps his eyes fixed on the ground.
Lynx
. He remembers everything, of course. He remembers the air in the forest, just as cold as it is tonight.
‘Nine years ago … almost exactly nine years ago. It was in October.’
Don’t say any more
, he thinks, but Hanna’s blue eyes are gazing intently at him.
‘What was the name of the boy?’
Jan hesitates. ‘I don’t remember,’ he says eventually.
‘So what happened in the end?’ Hanna asks.
‘He was … everything was fine. In the end.’ Jan sighs and adds, ‘But the parents were absolutely devastated, they just broke down completely.’
Hanna shrugs. ‘Idiots … I mean, it was their kid who ran off. They hand over their precious little ones and then expect us to take all the responsibility. Don’t you agree?’
Jan nods, but he is already regretting his confession. Why did he tell her about Lynx? He’s pissed, he’s a drunk. ‘You won’t say anything about this, will you?’
Hanna is still looking at him. ‘To one of the big bosses, you mean?’
‘Yes, or to …’
‘I won’t say anything, Jan. It’s cool.’ She yawns and looks at her watch. ‘I need to go home … I’ve got to get up early for work in the morning.’ She stands on tiptoe and gives him a quick hug. A little bit of warmth in the night. ‘Sleep well, Jan. See you at work.’
‘OK.’
He watches her set off towards the town centre, like a blonde dream figure. Alice Rami is also like a dream to Jan – she is just as vague and indistinct as a poem or a song. All girls are like dreams …
Why did he tell Hanna about Lynx?
Jan’s head slowly begins to clear, and with clarity comes regret.
He shakes his head and unlocks the door. Time to sleep, then work. He’s behaved like an obedient dog for two weeks, and now it’s time for his reward. A night shift all by himself up at the Dell.
15
‘THIS IS THE emergency telephone,’ says Marie-Louise, pointing to a grey phone on the wall in the staffroom, next to Jan’s locker. ‘All you have to do is pick up the receiver and wait, and it rings through automatically.’
‘Where to?’
‘To the main security office by the entrance to the hospital. They’re on duty around the clock over there, so someone will always answer.’ She gives Jan a slightly embarrassed smile and adds, ‘Sometimes it’s nice to know that there’s somebody not too far away at night … although I’m sure you’ll be fine here, won’t you?’
‘Absolutely.’ Jan nods and straightens his back so that he looks alert.
Marie-Louise runs her hand slightly nervously over her throat. ‘Obviously you must ring them if anything happens, but we’ve never needed to do that up to now …’ She quickly turns away from the emergency phone, as if she would prefer to forget about
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