fifty seconds? Time is playing tricks on my mind again. Those memories of Eddie struggling against me seemed to last forever.
“Are you okay?” he asks, finally noticing that I might not be.
For one crazy moment I want to tell him everything. But if I do, he might not take me back in the water, and I can’t stop now. Even though the things I’m remembering about that day aren’t good, at least I’m remembering. Now I know that Eddie and I were arguing before he disappeared.
“I have to get to school,” I say.
“Skip school. Spend the day with me.” I love the way he says it, like it’s the most natural thing to suggest.
“Another time!” I shout back as I start for home, my thoughts racing. Tay wants to spend the day with me.
The house is empty when I get back. In the shower I lather myself in lime and tea tree oil shower gel, and let the cool water cleanse every inch of me. I shake the new memory from my head and instead concentrate on how good the water felt before I saw the shoe. I pretend I’m falling down a waterfall, imagining my hair fanning out the way Lila Sinclair’s does in that poster at the clubhouse. I imagine Tay’s arms around me as I lean back into him. I think about the water on his eyelashes, and the way he shakes his hair off his face. By the time I get out of the shower, my fingers are wrinkly but my skin is glowing and tingling.
9
IT’S NOT UNTIL I HEAR THE ENTIRE ENGLISH CLASS SNIGGERING that I realize I’ve been asked a question by Mrs. McIntyre. There’s no way I can fake the answer: I switched off as soon as we entered the classroom. I decide to be honest. I use my mother’s technique.
“Sorry, I was miles away. Can you say that again?” I wave my hand from side to side as an apology and give a little smile.
There’s more cackling, and someone to my left slides a piece of paper in front of me with something scribbled on it. I scrunch it up and shove it in my pocket. McIntyre isn’t amused. I get my second detention of the week for not listening.
As I leave the classroom, Lara taps me on the shoulder.
“Why didn’t you read my note? It had the answer on it.”
Before I can answer, she’s pulled away by a blond frizzy-haired girl, another one of Ailsa Fitzgerald’s sidekicks. “Don’t bother trying to help her,” whispers the sidekick. “She’s such a loser.” The girl steps toward me and I feel a sharp jab in my side. She flashes her geometry-class compass at me as she strides off, dragging Lara with her. Blood oozes through my white school shirt and makes a dark stain on the inside of my blazer. I press the wound with my thumb to stop the sting and the flow of blood. On the way home I’ll swing by the Co-op to get some stain remover, but I’ll have to wait until that busybody Mrs. Harys has finished her shift. She watches too closely, and she does the head-tilting thing and says my name loudly in front of all the customers, which results in more head tilting.
I feel for the screwed-up paper ball in my pocket and open it up. “Soliloquy” it says in Lara’s neat, round writing. I drop it on the floor and remind myself that aside from a few revision classes, lessons are nearly over for the summer. Just exams to get through now, and at least compasses are banned in most exams.
At lunchtime I walk to the back of the school field so I can smoke. Lara is sitting down in my space cross-legged on her coat, which has a red satin lining. I start to move away to find a new spot, but she calls me over.
“I don’t know where Dillon is,” I say.
“He’s in the library.”
“Oh. Then what do you want?”
I wonder if Dillon has dumped her, but she doesn’t look upset. I can’t help looking at her chest—her blouse is open enough for me to see the curve of her perfect cleavage. She folds her arms.
“Can I have a cigarette?” she asks. It sounds odd, like she’s saying the word for the first time.
“Sure,” I say. I suddenly feel cool, more
“Are you okay?” he asks, finally noticing that I might not be.
For one crazy moment I want to tell him everything. But if I do, he might not take me back in the water, and I can’t stop now. Even though the things I’m remembering about that day aren’t good, at least I’m remembering. Now I know that Eddie and I were arguing before he disappeared.
“I have to get to school,” I say.
“Skip school. Spend the day with me.” I love the way he says it, like it’s the most natural thing to suggest.
“Another time!” I shout back as I start for home, my thoughts racing. Tay wants to spend the day with me.
The house is empty when I get back. In the shower I lather myself in lime and tea tree oil shower gel, and let the cool water cleanse every inch of me. I shake the new memory from my head and instead concentrate on how good the water felt before I saw the shoe. I pretend I’m falling down a waterfall, imagining my hair fanning out the way Lila Sinclair’s does in that poster at the clubhouse. I imagine Tay’s arms around me as I lean back into him. I think about the water on his eyelashes, and the way he shakes his hair off his face. By the time I get out of the shower, my fingers are wrinkly but my skin is glowing and tingling.
9
IT’S NOT UNTIL I HEAR THE ENTIRE ENGLISH CLASS SNIGGERING that I realize I’ve been asked a question by Mrs. McIntyre. There’s no way I can fake the answer: I switched off as soon as we entered the classroom. I decide to be honest. I use my mother’s technique.
“Sorry, I was miles away. Can you say that again?” I wave my hand from side to side as an apology and give a little smile.
There’s more cackling, and someone to my left slides a piece of paper in front of me with something scribbled on it. I scrunch it up and shove it in my pocket. McIntyre isn’t amused. I get my second detention of the week for not listening.
As I leave the classroom, Lara taps me on the shoulder.
“Why didn’t you read my note? It had the answer on it.”
Before I can answer, she’s pulled away by a blond frizzy-haired girl, another one of Ailsa Fitzgerald’s sidekicks. “Don’t bother trying to help her,” whispers the sidekick. “She’s such a loser.” The girl steps toward me and I feel a sharp jab in my side. She flashes her geometry-class compass at me as she strides off, dragging Lara with her. Blood oozes through my white school shirt and makes a dark stain on the inside of my blazer. I press the wound with my thumb to stop the sting and the flow of blood. On the way home I’ll swing by the Co-op to get some stain remover, but I’ll have to wait until that busybody Mrs. Harys has finished her shift. She watches too closely, and she does the head-tilting thing and says my name loudly in front of all the customers, which results in more head tilting.
I feel for the screwed-up paper ball in my pocket and open it up. “Soliloquy” it says in Lara’s neat, round writing. I drop it on the floor and remind myself that aside from a few revision classes, lessons are nearly over for the summer. Just exams to get through now, and at least compasses are banned in most exams.
At lunchtime I walk to the back of the school field so I can smoke. Lara is sitting down in my space cross-legged on her coat, which has a red satin lining. I start to move away to find a new spot, but she calls me over.
“I don’t know where Dillon is,” I say.
“He’s in the library.”
“Oh. Then what do you want?”
I wonder if Dillon has dumped her, but she doesn’t look upset. I can’t help looking at her chest—her blouse is open enough for me to see the curve of her perfect cleavage. She folds her arms.
“Can I have a cigarette?” she asks. It sounds odd, like she’s saying the word for the first time.
“Sure,” I say. I suddenly feel cool, more
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