The Angel of Bang Kwang Prison by Susan Aldous, Nicola Pierce Page B
Authors: Susan Aldous, Nicola Pierce
Tags: Asia, Crime, Family, Ebook, American, australia, Berlin, Prison, book, Marriage, Autobiography, Southeast Asia, Human Rights, books, Criminal, arrest, Bangkok Hilton, big tiger, Thailand, volunteer, singapore, bangkok, Death Row, charity, Melbourne, Death Penalty, Chavoret Jaruboon, Susan Aldous
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during my pregnancy that I saw the name Talya, which was Hebrew and meant ‘gentle dew from Heaven’. To me she looked like a bean sprout or tua-ngok , as I used to call her in Thai, because she was so long and skinny. It was funny when I explained to one of my friends, a Singaporean doctor, what Talya meant and he thought I was saying ‘gentile Jew from Heaven.’
Niall was also busy with his work and friends urged me to support him in every way and not distract him from it, and I didn’t question their advice—advice which I find strange and intrusive now. He had a genuine love for people and believed in the healing, soothing power of music. He was passionate and ambitious about his work, as I was about mine, but maybe it’s true, that whole thing about women being better at multi-tasking. We can do our jobs and also keep working at our love life. For me I felt the romance fading quietly from the relationship and wanted to make the break before he did. We had made this one perfect thing, our daughter, and I felt that this was going to be as good as it was ever going to get, and I wanted more for me.
I wanted a life-long mate who was going to support me 100%, and need and respect, me and that just wasn’t happening anymore with us. It’s all a bit vague now when I look back and I feel that things might have been different had we been more open with one another. I felt disappointed that he didn’t fight more for us, but why would he when it looked like I had already made up my mind to separate from him? I had already been the pushy and aggressive one so why did I think he was going to change now? As far as I saw it, his work was more important and more fulfilling to him than I could ever be and I found myself wondering if I should release him to it.
We were so busy with our individual projects, and then I had Talya to feed, that I wasn’t able to defend our relationship and potential future against the doubts of my friends. A couple of our mutual friends sat me down for three hours one night and, in no uncertain terms, warned me that he would break my heart. Whether they were right or not I’ll never know because I wasn’t prepared to take the risk, but it would be wrong of me to blame them for my decision. At the end of the day I felt I wasn’t getting all that I wanted, and needed, so I cut my losses and moved on.
Ten years after we parted I found out that he had actually wanted us to stay together; he just never said it to me—though maybe I never asked. I’ve never been entirely confident that I made the right decision in breaking with him, but there is no point in dwelling on the ‘ifs’ and ‘might have beens’. We have always maintained a good friendship and he will always be Talya’s dad. Enough said.
Chapter Four
I wanted to start doing personal counselling at the hospitals in Bangkok because as with everything else I had been doing, I wanted to help those most in need. Our first big visit was to the Police Hospital and involved a Police General we knew who had cancer. One of his nephews was a friend of ours and he rang to ask would we go in. I went in with other volunteers; Nina, Michael, and one of my best friends, Maria. It wasn’t an easy visit to make since the General’s entire family were gathered in the room and most of them were clearly in a distressed state. I had to stifle a gasp when I saw the patient in his bed; he was just a skeleton after losing 80lbs. He had been diagnosed with cancer a few years before and, up to that point, had put up a brave fight. Now, however, he was slowly dying, but neither he nor his relatives had acknowledged it aloud. The room was full of tension and tears and I sensed what was needed was words.
He hadn’t lived an overly good life and had been trying to make amends for this during the last year. In fact he was reputed to have been quite a brutal man in his job, and owned up to years of torturing prisoners in order to extract confessions. His
Niall was also busy with his work and friends urged me to support him in every way and not distract him from it, and I didn’t question their advice—advice which I find strange and intrusive now. He had a genuine love for people and believed in the healing, soothing power of music. He was passionate and ambitious about his work, as I was about mine, but maybe it’s true, that whole thing about women being better at multi-tasking. We can do our jobs and also keep working at our love life. For me I felt the romance fading quietly from the relationship and wanted to make the break before he did. We had made this one perfect thing, our daughter, and I felt that this was going to be as good as it was ever going to get, and I wanted more for me.
I wanted a life-long mate who was going to support me 100%, and need and respect, me and that just wasn’t happening anymore with us. It’s all a bit vague now when I look back and I feel that things might have been different had we been more open with one another. I felt disappointed that he didn’t fight more for us, but why would he when it looked like I had already made up my mind to separate from him? I had already been the pushy and aggressive one so why did I think he was going to change now? As far as I saw it, his work was more important and more fulfilling to him than I could ever be and I found myself wondering if I should release him to it.
We were so busy with our individual projects, and then I had Talya to feed, that I wasn’t able to defend our relationship and potential future against the doubts of my friends. A couple of our mutual friends sat me down for three hours one night and, in no uncertain terms, warned me that he would break my heart. Whether they were right or not I’ll never know because I wasn’t prepared to take the risk, but it would be wrong of me to blame them for my decision. At the end of the day I felt I wasn’t getting all that I wanted, and needed, so I cut my losses and moved on.
Ten years after we parted I found out that he had actually wanted us to stay together; he just never said it to me—though maybe I never asked. I’ve never been entirely confident that I made the right decision in breaking with him, but there is no point in dwelling on the ‘ifs’ and ‘might have beens’. We have always maintained a good friendship and he will always be Talya’s dad. Enough said.
Chapter Four
I wanted to start doing personal counselling at the hospitals in Bangkok because as with everything else I had been doing, I wanted to help those most in need. Our first big visit was to the Police Hospital and involved a Police General we knew who had cancer. One of his nephews was a friend of ours and he rang to ask would we go in. I went in with other volunteers; Nina, Michael, and one of my best friends, Maria. It wasn’t an easy visit to make since the General’s entire family were gathered in the room and most of them were clearly in a distressed state. I had to stifle a gasp when I saw the patient in his bed; he was just a skeleton after losing 80lbs. He had been diagnosed with cancer a few years before and, up to that point, had put up a brave fight. Now, however, he was slowly dying, but neither he nor his relatives had acknowledged it aloud. The room was full of tension and tears and I sensed what was needed was words.
He hadn’t lived an overly good life and had been trying to make amends for this during the last year. In fact he was reputed to have been quite a brutal man in his job, and owned up to years of torturing prisoners in order to extract confessions. His
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