what he really believes, and perhaps seizing the chance to take over leadership . . .’ He stopped at the blazing anger in her eyes, and then also saw the change as she realised they both knew that it was true, and that saving Sofia, her reputation and perhaps her life was more important than preserving a false appearance of unity.
She lowered her eyes. ‘Perhaps,’ she said quietly. ‘He is very practical. He would rather have many people beginning their journey towards faith than a few who accept it all.’
‘And Sofia would rather have the few?’ Pitt asked curiously.
She looked up. ‘You can have everybody, if you make the gate wide enough, and the climb so shallow.’ Her contempt was scalding.
‘Do you like Melville Smith?’ he asked.
She gave a very slight shrug of her wide, gaunt shoulders. ‘No. But that is irrelevant. I don’t like him because he is a harsh judge, in all the dark, painful things that matter to me. And perhaps I am the same to him. We will smooth the rough places in each other . . . if we survive it!’ The amusement was bright in her eyes for an instant.
‘But he is ambitious?’ Pitt pressed.
‘For the faith, or for himself?’ she quibbled. An obvious part of her was savouring the exchange. Perhaps it was a relief to quarrel openly with someone and not have to care if she hurt him.
‘You’ve already answered the first,’ he pointed out.
She smiled suddenly, and he saw an echo of the beautiful woman she had once been. ‘And the second also,’ she told him.
‘And Sofia?’ he asked. ‘You say he is softening the message, robbing it of truth. Was she an even harsher judge than he, then?’
‘You didn’t listen, did you!’ It was an accusation filled with memories of some old wound. She was explaining to him only because she saw no alternative. ‘The way is hard. Life is hard, if you want anything of real value – knowledge, passion, love. If you hunger for all there is, then you have to learn wisdom. You have to fight all the battles, not just some of them. You can’t pick and choose the easy bits.’ She bit her lips until it must have hurt, but her eyes were full of tears.
‘But no matter how far you fall, there is a way to get up again. Sofia knew that, and she helped. She never blamed. She understands hope, and price.’
‘And Melville Smith does?’ he asked in little above a whisper.
‘Oh, yes. There are places of the soul he dare not go.’
He changed the subject. ‘And Ramon? Is he ambitious?’
Now she was angry again, swiftly and deeply. The truce was over.
‘Ramon is a good man!’ she said between her teeth. ‘If you suspect him of harming her, or of altering a word of her teachings, then you are a fool! We cannot afford stupidity. Sofia’s life may be in danger. Religious zealots can convince themselves that any atrocity is acceptable if it follows whatever you tell yourself is the work of God.’ She closed her eyes momentarily. Seeing the pain in her, the white skin stretched across the knuckles of her hands, Pitt could imagine the scenes that might be playing across her imagination.
‘Tell me,’ he asked.
She opened her eyes and looked at him, weighing her decision.
‘Ramon grieves for the dead in his family who sinned according to the Church in his own land,’ she said finally, her voice filled with pity. ‘Perhaps it was no more than the sin of doubt – and who can help that, if they are honest? We all stumble, in our different ways.’
He did not speak his answer because he knew she could see it in his face.
‘He cannot bear that they should be shut out because they fell now and then, because they doubted and feared, and wanted above all to be loved.’ Her voice dropped even lower. ‘We believe because we need to. If it is not true, then the darkness is unbearable. Do not hurt Ramon. It would not only be wicked, it would be pointless.’
‘What do you know of Barton Hall?’ Again Pitt changed the subject.
She lowered her eyes. ‘Perhaps,’ she said quietly. ‘He is very practical. He would rather have many people beginning their journey towards faith than a few who accept it all.’
‘And Sofia would rather have the few?’ Pitt asked curiously.
She looked up. ‘You can have everybody, if you make the gate wide enough, and the climb so shallow.’ Her contempt was scalding.
‘Do you like Melville Smith?’ he asked.
She gave a very slight shrug of her wide, gaunt shoulders. ‘No. But that is irrelevant. I don’t like him because he is a harsh judge, in all the dark, painful things that matter to me. And perhaps I am the same to him. We will smooth the rough places in each other . . . if we survive it!’ The amusement was bright in her eyes for an instant.
‘But he is ambitious?’ Pitt pressed.
‘For the faith, or for himself?’ she quibbled. An obvious part of her was savouring the exchange. Perhaps it was a relief to quarrel openly with someone and not have to care if she hurt him.
‘You’ve already answered the first,’ he pointed out.
She smiled suddenly, and he saw an echo of the beautiful woman she had once been. ‘And the second also,’ she told him.
‘And Sofia?’ he asked. ‘You say he is softening the message, robbing it of truth. Was she an even harsher judge than he, then?’
‘You didn’t listen, did you!’ It was an accusation filled with memories of some old wound. She was explaining to him only because she saw no alternative. ‘The way is hard. Life is hard, if you want anything of real value – knowledge, passion, love. If you hunger for all there is, then you have to learn wisdom. You have to fight all the battles, not just some of them. You can’t pick and choose the easy bits.’ She bit her lips until it must have hurt, but her eyes were full of tears.
‘But no matter how far you fall, there is a way to get up again. Sofia knew that, and she helped. She never blamed. She understands hope, and price.’
‘And Melville Smith does?’ he asked in little above a whisper.
‘Oh, yes. There are places of the soul he dare not go.’
He changed the subject. ‘And Ramon? Is he ambitious?’
Now she was angry again, swiftly and deeply. The truce was over.
‘Ramon is a good man!’ she said between her teeth. ‘If you suspect him of harming her, or of altering a word of her teachings, then you are a fool! We cannot afford stupidity. Sofia’s life may be in danger. Religious zealots can convince themselves that any atrocity is acceptable if it follows whatever you tell yourself is the work of God.’ She closed her eyes momentarily. Seeing the pain in her, the white skin stretched across the knuckles of her hands, Pitt could imagine the scenes that might be playing across her imagination.
‘Tell me,’ he asked.
She opened her eyes and looked at him, weighing her decision.
‘Ramon grieves for the dead in his family who sinned according to the Church in his own land,’ she said finally, her voice filled with pity. ‘Perhaps it was no more than the sin of doubt – and who can help that, if they are honest? We all stumble, in our different ways.’
He did not speak his answer because he knew she could see it in his face.
‘He cannot bear that they should be shut out because they fell now and then, because they doubted and feared, and wanted above all to be loved.’ Her voice dropped even lower. ‘We believe because we need to. If it is not true, then the darkness is unbearable. Do not hurt Ramon. It would not only be wicked, it would be pointless.’
‘What do you know of Barton Hall?’ Again Pitt changed the subject.
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