The Always War by Margaret Peterson Haddix Page B

day!”
    “Yeah, and according to the computer, there was a bombing raid right on top of us
this
morning down by Santl,” Tessa countered. “Sometimes computers can be wrong.”
    Gideon sagged against the wall. Tessa didn’t want to thinkabout how much of the bird droppings were rubbing off on his white uniform.
    “I wasn’t going to tell you this,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Remember that video I showed you of the people dying in
my
bombing raid, in the battle I fought in?”
    “Yes,” Tessa said, very gently, because somehow that seemed like the right way to speak to Gideon right now.
    “Well, I was never supposed to see that. We pilots don’t have that kind of security clearance,” he said. “I had to hack my way in.”
    “Huh,” Dek grunted. “And here I had you pegged as a total straight-arrow military type. Not
that
much of a rule-breaker. Definitely not a hacker.”
    Gideon didn’t even glance her way.
    “I had to see what I’d done,” he said pleadingly. “What I’d caused. What I was responsible for.”
    “Okay,” Tessa said soothingly. “But—”
    “So that’s proof, you know?” Gideon said. “What we saw of my raid, of the raid here in Shargo—that’s what the
generals
see! It’s real! It’s not some made-up simulation for fake pilots!”
    He hit the wall again and twisted his head about even more crazily, his face going even more wild-eyed. He flinched just at the sight of the peaceful grass, the peaceful trees. He looked like he might do anything—jump out the window or attack Tessa and Dek or just collapse in a heap of huge, soul-racking sobs.
    “Calm down,” Dek said. She took a step toward him, her hands up in the air in a gesture that was clearly supposed toshow that she, at least, was no threat. It was the same way someone might approach a dangerous animal.
    “What do you know about any of this?” Gideon asked bitterly.
    “Nothing,” Dek admitted. She took another step closer. “But I’m sure there’s some explanation, something we haven’t thought of because we don’t have enough information. You know that’s how the military works. The people at the top only tell the people at the bottom certain things, just enough to get them to do what they want.”
    Tessa expected Gideon to argue with this. If nothing else, she wanted him to say,
I wasn’t someone at the bottom! I’m the hero!
But he only shrugged, probably grinding more of the bird droppings into his white uniform.
    “That’s how the black market rings work too,” Dek admitted. “Sometimes, if you’re sneaky enough, you can find out things people don’t want you to know.” She flashed him a grin. “But you already know that, if you were hacking into top-secret video.”
    Gideon didn’t answer. Dek kept inching toward him.
    “The thing is, other times you just have to make do,” she said. “All you can do is pick a course of action based on what you do know, what seems most likely to keep you alive.” She reached Gideon’s side and put a steadying hand on his arm. She tugged him gently around to face the window once again. “This is one of those times. Do you see anything out there that looks like a jet-fuel tank?”
    Gideon raised a shaking hand and pointed to the right, to a place where the grass was short and stubby rather than long and flowing.
    “In all the simulations,” he said dully, “the fuel tanks were underground, right about there. We … we got bonus points if we dropped the bombs in a way that cracked the concrete, made the tanks explode. I did that once. That’s how I got promoted, how I qualified to go on real bombing raids.”
    Dek started to pull him back away from the window, but he locked his muscles in place. He kept staring out at the peaceful grass with a haunted look on his face, as if his eyes were showing him an entirely different scene.
    “That’s how I qualified to kill people,” he said.
    Dek patted his arm.
    “Okay,” she said. “It’s okay. All