The Adventures of Phineas Frakture by Joseph Gatch Page A

enough.”
    As they walked out of the shop, Phineas continued griping about the cost of the old automaton until he realized that he was walking alone. He stopped, turned around, and noticed that William and the foreigner were standing and watching Sweepio walking, in what was actually a rocking shuffle, twenty yards behind them. Phineas grumbled some more as he walked back to the interpreter.
    “Are you always this slow?”
    “Unfortunately, sir. I have been in that shop for a very long time.”
    “All right. Let’s see if we can speed you up a bit. Where are your memory punch-cards located?”
    “In my cranial cavity, of course.”
    Phineas checked the back of its head, found a key protruding from the neck, and then pulled out a screwdriver from his coat. He loosened some screws and wiggled Sweepio’s head. When that didn’t work, he picked up a loose brick from next to the building and smacked the side of the automaton’s head several times. Much to William’s, and Sweepio’s, surprise, Phineas then yanked the head off of the body.
    “We only need this part,” Phineas said, tossing it in his hand.
    “How undignified,” Sweepio stated as his body began to rock/shuffle around in circles on the sidewalk.
    Phineas found a piece of discarded twine and tied each end to one of the interpreter’s ‘ears’. He then hung the head around the foreigner’s neck. “You interpret for him as well as us, understood?”
    “Clearly, sir.”
    “Now, first things first.” Phineas looked around and spotted an outside café. “I need coffee.”
    After being seated and ordering, Phineas looked at his subject.
    “Now, who are you and what do you know about Steamhotep?”
    “I am…Ishaq,” the foreigner stated via Sweepio. “I came from Luxor, after I saw that the one called Cavanaugh had unearthed Steamhotep’s tomb. There is a legend among my people about a great builder. He created machines for the pharaohs to erect monuments and palaces for them…and it is said that he dreamed of everlasting life.”
    “What happened to him?”
    “No one knows. It is said that he became obsessed with immortality…others say he wished to rule the kingdom. It all depends on who you ask. But, one thing is for sure…that the warning on the sarcophagus was to be heeded at all costs.”
    “How could he still live?” asked Phineas. “I examined him myself. He has no organs, he’s decaying as we speak…there is just no scientific proof to back up this ‘curse’.”
    “Where science fails, the gods prevail. It is said that the power of Anubis himself flows through Steamhotep. I watched you yesterday. You saw the heart of Steamhotep.”
    “Yes…like nothing I have ever seen before.”
    “He created everything within him with science…and magic.”
    “Bah…no such thing.” Phineas took a sip of his coffee. “Do you know who killed Cavanaugh and Burke?”
    “Only that there is a cult…”
    “Now there’s a cult?” muttered William.
    “…that wishes to bring back the glory of the old empire. Steamhotep could bring about that glory with his genius. I, Ishaq, have been entrusted by my people to see that this does not happen. Please, you must help me.”
    “If we do not stop this cult…what then?” asked Phineas.
    “I do not know. Only that despair will follow,” finished Ishaq.
    “So, do you have some sort of holy army at your disposal?” asked Phineas.
    “No.”
    “A mystic weapon that can slay the undead? A magic lamp?”
    “No. Where do you come up with these ideas? Do you think that because we have old gods, we are all a bunch of magicians? I am insulted by these stereotypes that you throw around. Do I come here and ask you where your six-shooter is, cowboy? Do you even have a gun?”
    “He has a rifle that makes monsters vomit,” said William.
    “And this works?” asked Ishaq.
    “Not really, no,” answered Phineas. “Look, we need some way to stop him if this is as bad as you say. Don’t you have