added, ‘in some respects I have reason to be grateful to him.’
‘Grateful?’ exclaimed the Colonel. ‘Good Lord, Clem, how on earth can you be grateful to such a swine for causing you the pain he did?’
‘Yes, Roger, it’s true, he did cause me pain – but, oddly, he also brought me relief from that pain. I’ve finally got the thing off my chest. I’ve finally been compelled to yank it, kicking and screaming, into the open air and, honestly, I think I feel the better for it. I feel as though I’ve been purged. I may have been a liar, and God is my witness that I’ve paid for my lie many times over. But I never was, as God also knows, a coward. It’s true, I didn’t see any action in the War, like my glorious predecessor, but neither did thousands of others like me with flat feet and short sight and fallen arches, and it wasn’t their fault just as it wasn’t mine. When all is said and done, I had a perfectly respectable War and have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. “They also serve …”, you know.’
‘Hear hear!’ cried the Colonel.
‘Good for you, Vicar,’ the Chief-Inspector nodded in agreement. ‘And thank you for being so co-operative. Now let me put one last question to you and then you’re free.’
‘Please.’
‘Did you leave your bedroom at all during the night?’
‘Yes, I did,’ was the surprising answer. ‘Several times, in fact.’
‘Several times!? Why?’
The Vicar threw back his head and laughed – he actually laughed aloud.
‘Well,’ said Trubshawe, ‘I may be getting dim, but I fail to understand what’s suddenly so funny.’
‘Oh, Inspector, now that I’ve crashed through the barrier of embarrassment, I’m willing – as only half-an-hour ago it would have been unthinkable for me – I’m willing to give you a brutally straight answer to that question. If I left my bedroom several times during the night, it was because I had to reply to several Calls of Nature. When you reach my age, Nature can become quite … quite pressing. Especially after the sort of blowout we had at dinner.’
‘I see. And roughly when, may I ask, was the last time?’
‘Actually, I can answer that one not roughly but precisely. Nature, at least in my current experience, tends to be a creature of routine. It was five-thirty.’
‘And did you see anything suspicious? Or even just untoward?’
‘No, nothing at all. I woke up, got up – yet again – trotted along the corridor and …’
Whereupon, abruptly falling silent, he started to frown in an effort of remembrance.
‘So you
did
see something?’
‘N-o-o-o,’ murmured the Vicar when he answered at last. ‘No, I didn’t
see
anything.’
‘But you stopped as though –’
‘It wasn’t what I saw, it was what I
heard
. How very odd. With everything that’s happened since, it completely slipped my mind.’
‘What did you hear?’
‘As I was returning from – from my last Call of Nature, I heard voices raised in anger, an argument, a real argy-bargy, between a man and a woman, quite a violent one too. I couldn’t distinguish what was being said, all of it taking place behind closed doors, you understand, but it certainly sounded as though it must have been alarmingly loud inside the room itself.’
‘Inside which room?’ asked Trubshawe.
‘Oh, as to that,’ replied the Vicar, ‘there can be no doubt at all. It came from the attic. Yes, it most definitely came from the attic.’
Chapter Six
‘An argument inside the attic at five-thirty in the morning, eh?’ grunted the Chief-Inspector. ‘Between a man and a woman? The plot thickens …’ he added satirically.
Tugging at one of his moustache’s nicotine-stained fringes, he then asked the Vicar:
‘You didn’t recognise either voice, I suppose?’
‘I’m afraid not. I say again, Mr Trubshawe, I didn’t actually hear the argument itself – who was arguing and what it was about. I heard only that there
was
an argument.’
‘And
‘Grateful?’ exclaimed the Colonel. ‘Good Lord, Clem, how on earth can you be grateful to such a swine for causing you the pain he did?’
‘Yes, Roger, it’s true, he did cause me pain – but, oddly, he also brought me relief from that pain. I’ve finally got the thing off my chest. I’ve finally been compelled to yank it, kicking and screaming, into the open air and, honestly, I think I feel the better for it. I feel as though I’ve been purged. I may have been a liar, and God is my witness that I’ve paid for my lie many times over. But I never was, as God also knows, a coward. It’s true, I didn’t see any action in the War, like my glorious predecessor, but neither did thousands of others like me with flat feet and short sight and fallen arches, and it wasn’t their fault just as it wasn’t mine. When all is said and done, I had a perfectly respectable War and have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. “They also serve …”, you know.’
‘Hear hear!’ cried the Colonel.
‘Good for you, Vicar,’ the Chief-Inspector nodded in agreement. ‘And thank you for being so co-operative. Now let me put one last question to you and then you’re free.’
‘Please.’
‘Did you leave your bedroom at all during the night?’
‘Yes, I did,’ was the surprising answer. ‘Several times, in fact.’
‘Several times!? Why?’
The Vicar threw back his head and laughed – he actually laughed aloud.
‘Well,’ said Trubshawe, ‘I may be getting dim, but I fail to understand what’s suddenly so funny.’
‘Oh, Inspector, now that I’ve crashed through the barrier of embarrassment, I’m willing – as only half-an-hour ago it would have been unthinkable for me – I’m willing to give you a brutally straight answer to that question. If I left my bedroom several times during the night, it was because I had to reply to several Calls of Nature. When you reach my age, Nature can become quite … quite pressing. Especially after the sort of blowout we had at dinner.’
‘I see. And roughly when, may I ask, was the last time?’
‘Actually, I can answer that one not roughly but precisely. Nature, at least in my current experience, tends to be a creature of routine. It was five-thirty.’
‘And did you see anything suspicious? Or even just untoward?’
‘No, nothing at all. I woke up, got up – yet again – trotted along the corridor and …’
Whereupon, abruptly falling silent, he started to frown in an effort of remembrance.
‘So you
did
see something?’
‘N-o-o-o,’ murmured the Vicar when he answered at last. ‘No, I didn’t
see
anything.’
‘But you stopped as though –’
‘It wasn’t what I saw, it was what I
heard
. How very odd. With everything that’s happened since, it completely slipped my mind.’
‘What did you hear?’
‘As I was returning from – from my last Call of Nature, I heard voices raised in anger, an argument, a real argy-bargy, between a man and a woman, quite a violent one too. I couldn’t distinguish what was being said, all of it taking place behind closed doors, you understand, but it certainly sounded as though it must have been alarmingly loud inside the room itself.’
‘Inside which room?’ asked Trubshawe.
‘Oh, as to that,’ replied the Vicar, ‘there can be no doubt at all. It came from the attic. Yes, it most definitely came from the attic.’
Chapter Six
‘An argument inside the attic at five-thirty in the morning, eh?’ grunted the Chief-Inspector. ‘Between a man and a woman? The plot thickens …’ he added satirically.
Tugging at one of his moustache’s nicotine-stained fringes, he then asked the Vicar:
‘You didn’t recognise either voice, I suppose?’
‘I’m afraid not. I say again, Mr Trubshawe, I didn’t actually hear the argument itself – who was arguing and what it was about. I heard only that there
was
an argument.’
‘And
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