look after him.”
“Stop blaming yourself, darling. You didn’t let him down.” Triani turned away abruptly and sat down to finish his make-up. Nevon watched him for a moment.
“You were always so damned independent,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll make the announcement now.”
During the performance, Triani could shut out everything. Once the curtain came down, the pain was back. He was surprised to find how far Cham had crawled inside his private, secret space. Cham’s almost ethereal beauty haunted him. The uncertainty gnawed at him constantly; not knowing what had happened, imagining what might have happened….
After the show, Triani spent a long time getting out of his make-up and changing into his street clothes. He sat at his dressing table, staring into the mirror, seeing Cham smiling up at him as he had so often, the big, gold-flecked grey eyes so trusting and full of love. He sighed wearily. The great dog lay at his feet, the third eye covered with a thick coat of metallic paint. Triani was glad to have the wide collar to hang on to as he stepped out into the night. There wasn’t far to go but it was dark, the shifting shadows making the way unfamiliar. The Merculians usually went home in a group, carrying torches and making a party of the whole experience. Tonight Triani did not feel like a party. “I bring disaster to anyone I let get close to me.” He thought bleakly of the pretty, vivacious Savane with whom he had had a short but stormy relationship, ending with the birth of his beloved child. The baby Triani had wanted ruined Savane’s career and all the money Triani sent could not compensate for being relegated to the ranks of a second-rate company in the provinces. And then there was Lucius. Triani swallowed hard and blinked back the unaccustomed tears angrily. And now the pattern was repeating itself all over again with Cham, gentle, loving, trusting—“Shit! What’s wrong with me? It’s my fault! It’s always my fault!”
He tightened his grip on the dog’s collar as they came abreast of a shadowy figure leaning against one of the stunted trees that lined the boulevard. The dog growled low in his throat but Triani shushed him and patted his head. He had recognized Luan, gazing up at the lighted windows of the Merculian apartments, high above him.
“How can you pick out Benvolini’s window from this distance, sweetie?” asked Triani, curiously.
“It’s easy,” replied the boy.
Triani studied him. It was hard to make out his features in the shadows. “Listen, I don’t want to go home alone tonight. You want to come with me?”
The solemn dark eyes looked back at him a moment. “I know what it’s like to be lonely,” he said. “I’ll come.”
“You don’t mind standing in for someone else?”
“Not if you don’t.”
Triani slipped his arm around the boy’s waist. “So long as we understand each other, sweetie. I hope you’re not under age or anything.” It occurred to him he didn’t know the rules in this place.
“I won’t make any trouble for you.”
“I was thinking of your father.”
The boy shrugged. “He doesn’t care what I do.”
When they reached Triani’s apartment, the emptiness hit him like a physical blow. He hesitated, unsure for a moment how to continue. He offered Merculian sherry to Luan who tasted it with caution and finished it with pleasure. Triani started lighting candles. He knew there was no point. They wouldn’t be staying in this room for long, but it gave him something to do while he organized his thoughts.
Luan was watching him with sad eyes. The three strings of amber beads he wore glowed against his dark skin. “I was there tonight, in the theater. You’re a terrific dancer.”
“I know.” Triani took a drink of his wine. “What part did you like the best?”
“Oh, I couldn’t pick just one part. It was all…wonderful. And you…you’re pretty sexy, in a different sort of way.”
“That’s why you
“Stop blaming yourself, darling. You didn’t let him down.” Triani turned away abruptly and sat down to finish his make-up. Nevon watched him for a moment.
“You were always so damned independent,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll make the announcement now.”
During the performance, Triani could shut out everything. Once the curtain came down, the pain was back. He was surprised to find how far Cham had crawled inside his private, secret space. Cham’s almost ethereal beauty haunted him. The uncertainty gnawed at him constantly; not knowing what had happened, imagining what might have happened….
After the show, Triani spent a long time getting out of his make-up and changing into his street clothes. He sat at his dressing table, staring into the mirror, seeing Cham smiling up at him as he had so often, the big, gold-flecked grey eyes so trusting and full of love. He sighed wearily. The great dog lay at his feet, the third eye covered with a thick coat of metallic paint. Triani was glad to have the wide collar to hang on to as he stepped out into the night. There wasn’t far to go but it was dark, the shifting shadows making the way unfamiliar. The Merculians usually went home in a group, carrying torches and making a party of the whole experience. Tonight Triani did not feel like a party. “I bring disaster to anyone I let get close to me.” He thought bleakly of the pretty, vivacious Savane with whom he had had a short but stormy relationship, ending with the birth of his beloved child. The baby Triani had wanted ruined Savane’s career and all the money Triani sent could not compensate for being relegated to the ranks of a second-rate company in the provinces. And then there was Lucius. Triani swallowed hard and blinked back the unaccustomed tears angrily. And now the pattern was repeating itself all over again with Cham, gentle, loving, trusting—“Shit! What’s wrong with me? It’s my fault! It’s always my fault!”
He tightened his grip on the dog’s collar as they came abreast of a shadowy figure leaning against one of the stunted trees that lined the boulevard. The dog growled low in his throat but Triani shushed him and patted his head. He had recognized Luan, gazing up at the lighted windows of the Merculian apartments, high above him.
“How can you pick out Benvolini’s window from this distance, sweetie?” asked Triani, curiously.
“It’s easy,” replied the boy.
Triani studied him. It was hard to make out his features in the shadows. “Listen, I don’t want to go home alone tonight. You want to come with me?”
The solemn dark eyes looked back at him a moment. “I know what it’s like to be lonely,” he said. “I’ll come.”
“You don’t mind standing in for someone else?”
“Not if you don’t.”
Triani slipped his arm around the boy’s waist. “So long as we understand each other, sweetie. I hope you’re not under age or anything.” It occurred to him he didn’t know the rules in this place.
“I won’t make any trouble for you.”
“I was thinking of your father.”
The boy shrugged. “He doesn’t care what I do.”
When they reached Triani’s apartment, the emptiness hit him like a physical blow. He hesitated, unsure for a moment how to continue. He offered Merculian sherry to Luan who tasted it with caution and finished it with pleasure. Triani started lighting candles. He knew there was no point. They wouldn’t be staying in this room for long, but it gave him something to do while he organized his thoughts.
Luan was watching him with sad eyes. The three strings of amber beads he wore glowed against his dark skin. “I was there tonight, in the theater. You’re a terrific dancer.”
“I know.” Triani took a drink of his wine. “What part did you like the best?”
“Oh, I couldn’t pick just one part. It was all…wonderful. And you…you’re pretty sexy, in a different sort of way.”
“That’s why you
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