The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman, Jocelyn Green Page A
Authors: Gary Chapman, Jocelyn Green
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gifts. I also realized I had not given her a gift in years, maybe not since we had been married. I remembered when we were dating I used to bring her flowers and other small gifts, but after marriage I figured we couldn’t afford that. I told her I had decided to try to get her a gift every day for one week and see if it made any difference in her. I had to admit I had seen a pretty big difference in her attitude during the week.
“I told her I realized what you said was really true, and learning the right love language was the key to helping another person feel loved. I said I was sorry I had been so dense for all those years and had failed to meet her need for love. I told her I really loved her and I appreciated all the things she did for me and the children. I told her with God’s help, I was going to be a gift giver for the rest of my life.
“She said, ‘But, Doug, you can’t go on buying me gifts every day for the rest of your life. You can’t afford that.’ ‘Well, maybe not every day,’ I said, ‘but at least once a week. That would be fifty-two more gifts per year than what you have received in the past five years.’ I continued, ‘And who said I was going to buy all of them? I might even make some of them, or I’ll take Dr. Chapman’s idea and pick a free flower from the front yard in the spring.’”
“I don’t think he has missed a single week in three years,” Kate said. “He is like a new man. You wouldn’t believe how happy we have been. Our children call us lovebirds now. My tank is full and overflowing.”
I turned to Doug and asked, “But what about you, Doug? Do you feel loved by Kate?”
“Oh, I’ve always felt loved by her, Dr. Chapman. She is the best housekeeper in the world. She is an excellent cook. She is wonderful about doing things for the children. I know she loves me.” He smiled and said, “Now, you know what my love language is, don’t you?”
I did, and I also knew why Kate had used the word
miracle
.
Gifts need not be expensive, nor must they be given weekly. But for some individuals, their worth has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love.
YOUR TURN
Reflect on ways to give gifts even if finances are tight.
If your spouse’s love language is Receiving Gifts:
1. Try a parade of gifts: Leave a box of candy for your spouse in the morning; have flowers delivered in the afternoon; give her a gift in the evening. When your spouse asks, “What is going on?” you respond: “Just trying to fill your love tank!”
2. Let nature be your guide: The next time you take a walk through the neighborhood, keep your eyes open for a gift for your spouse. It may be a stone, a stick, or a feather. You may even attach special meaning to your natural gift. For example, a smooth stone may symbolize your marriage with many of the rough places now polished. A feather may symbolize how your spouse is the “wind beneath your wings.”
3. Discover the value of “handmade originals.” Make a gift for your spouse. This may require you to enroll in an art or crafts class: ceramics, silversmithing, painting, wood carving, etc. Your main purpose for enrolling is to make your spouse a gift. A handmade gift often becomes a family heirloom.
4. Give your spouse a gift every day for one week. It need not be a special week, just any week. I promise you it will become “The Week That Was!” If you are really energetic, you can make it “The Month That Was!” No—your spouse will not expect you to keep this up for a lifetime.
5. Keep a “Gift Idea Notebook.” Every time you hear your spouse say, “I really like that,” or “Oh, I would really like to have one of those!” write it down in your notebook. Listen carefully and you will get quite a list. This will serve as a guide when you get ready to select a gift. To prime the pump, you may look through a favorite online shopping site together.
6. Enlist a “personal shopper.” If you really don’t
“I told her I realized what you said was really true, and learning the right love language was the key to helping another person feel loved. I said I was sorry I had been so dense for all those years and had failed to meet her need for love. I told her I really loved her and I appreciated all the things she did for me and the children. I told her with God’s help, I was going to be a gift giver for the rest of my life.
“She said, ‘But, Doug, you can’t go on buying me gifts every day for the rest of your life. You can’t afford that.’ ‘Well, maybe not every day,’ I said, ‘but at least once a week. That would be fifty-two more gifts per year than what you have received in the past five years.’ I continued, ‘And who said I was going to buy all of them? I might even make some of them, or I’ll take Dr. Chapman’s idea and pick a free flower from the front yard in the spring.’”
“I don’t think he has missed a single week in three years,” Kate said. “He is like a new man. You wouldn’t believe how happy we have been. Our children call us lovebirds now. My tank is full and overflowing.”
I turned to Doug and asked, “But what about you, Doug? Do you feel loved by Kate?”
“Oh, I’ve always felt loved by her, Dr. Chapman. She is the best housekeeper in the world. She is an excellent cook. She is wonderful about doing things for the children. I know she loves me.” He smiled and said, “Now, you know what my love language is, don’t you?”
I did, and I also knew why Kate had used the word
miracle
.
Gifts need not be expensive, nor must they be given weekly. But for some individuals, their worth has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love.
YOUR TURN
Reflect on ways to give gifts even if finances are tight.
If your spouse’s love language is Receiving Gifts:
1. Try a parade of gifts: Leave a box of candy for your spouse in the morning; have flowers delivered in the afternoon; give her a gift in the evening. When your spouse asks, “What is going on?” you respond: “Just trying to fill your love tank!”
2. Let nature be your guide: The next time you take a walk through the neighborhood, keep your eyes open for a gift for your spouse. It may be a stone, a stick, or a feather. You may even attach special meaning to your natural gift. For example, a smooth stone may symbolize your marriage with many of the rough places now polished. A feather may symbolize how your spouse is the “wind beneath your wings.”
3. Discover the value of “handmade originals.” Make a gift for your spouse. This may require you to enroll in an art or crafts class: ceramics, silversmithing, painting, wood carving, etc. Your main purpose for enrolling is to make your spouse a gift. A handmade gift often becomes a family heirloom.
4. Give your spouse a gift every day for one week. It need not be a special week, just any week. I promise you it will become “The Week That Was!” If you are really energetic, you can make it “The Month That Was!” No—your spouse will not expect you to keep this up for a lifetime.
5. Keep a “Gift Idea Notebook.” Every time you hear your spouse say, “I really like that,” or “Oh, I would really like to have one of those!” write it down in your notebook. Listen carefully and you will get quite a list. This will serve as a guide when you get ready to select a gift. To prime the pump, you may look through a favorite online shopping site together.
6. Enlist a “personal shopper.” If you really don’t
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