Ten Years in the Tub by Nick Hornby Page B

never swore once” on the cover? Everyone would know what it meant. And isn’t What Narcissism Means to Me a great title?
    I cheated a little with What Narcissism Means to Me —I read it last month, immediately after my night on the town with the Spree. But I wanted this clean Copperfield line in my last column, and anyway I was worried that I’d be short of stuff this month, not least because it’s been a big football month. Arsenal lost the Champions League quarterfinal to Chelsea, lost the FA Cup semi to Man Utd, and then, just this last weekend, won the Championship. (The two losses were in knock-out competitions. The Championship is what counts, really. That’s what we’re all telling ourselves here in Highbury.) So on Sunday night, when I should have been reading stuff, I was in a pub called the Bailey, as has become traditional on Championship nights, standing on a chair and singing a comical song about Victoria Beckham. To be honest, I thought if I threw in some poetry, you might like me more. I thought I might even like myself more. Anyway, the standing on the chair and singing wasn’t as much fun as the consumption of contemporary literature, obviously, but, you know. It was still pretty good.

July 2004
    BOOKS BOUGHT : 1 1
    I bought so many books this month it’s obscene, and I’m not owning up to them all: this is a selection. And to be honest, I’ve been economical with the truth for months now. I keep finding books that I bought, didn’t read, and didn’t list.
    Â Â Â Â Â     The Invisible Woman —Claire Tomalin
    Â Â Â Â Â     Y: The Last Man Vols 1–3 —Vaughan, Guerra, Marzan Jr., Chadwick
    Â Â Â Â Â     I Never Liked You —Chester Brown
    Â Â Â Â Â     David Boring —Daniel Clowes
    Â Â Â Â Â     The Amazing Adventures of The Escapist —Michael Chabon et al
    Â Â Â Â Â     Safe Area Gorazde —Joe Sacco
    Â Â Â Â Â     Not Entitled —Frank Kermode
    BOOKS READ :
    Â Â Â Â Â     Train —Pete Dexter
    Â Â Â Â Â     This Is Serbia Calling —Matthew Collin
    Â Â Â Â Â     The Invisible Woman —Claire Tomalin
    Â Â Â Â Â     Y: The Last Man Vols 1–3 —Vaughan, Guerra, Marzan Jr., Chadwick
    Â Â Â Â Â     I Never Liked You —Chester Brown
    Â Â Â Â Â     David Boring —Daniel Clowes
    I f you wanted to draw a family tree of everything I read and bought this month—and you never know, it could be fun, if you’re a writer, say, or a student, and there are several large holes in your day—you’d have to put McSweeney’s 13 and Pete Dexter’s novel Train right at the top. 2 2 They’re the Adam and Eve here, or they would be if Adam and Eve had been hermaphrodites, each able to give birth independently of the other. McSweeney’s 13 and Train never actually mated to produce a beautiful synthesis of the two; and nor did any of the other books actually get together, either. So it would be a pretty linear family tree, to be honest: one straight line coming out of McSweeney’s 13, because McSweeney’s begat a bunch of graphic novels ( McSweeney’s 13, edited by Chris Ware, is a comics issue, if you’re not from ’round these parts), and another straight line coming out of Train , which leads to a bunch of nonfiction books, for reasons I will come to later. Train didn’t directly beget anything, although it did plant some seeds. (I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Well, if Train and McSweeney’s 13 never actually mated, and if Train never directly begat anything, then how good is this whole family-tree thing? And my answer is, Oh, it’s good. Trust me. I have a writer’s instinct.) Anyway, if you do decide to draw the family tree, the