that I was experimented on when I was away. I know that.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “But I don’t remember anything else.”
“You don’t want to remember, Mindy,” my mother said in a quiet voice.
I smacked my palms on the top of her desk. “No, Mom, that’s not it. Paul’s right, I can’t remember. There’s a huge gap in my memory from the day you put me on the ship with the Kalybrians to the day when I woke up back here.” I took a deep breath, feeling my head pound and nausea burn in my throat. “The day I woke up back here in considerable pain and thousands of times smarter.”
My mother’s eyes actually filled with tears, the second time I ever remember seeing her cry. The first was the very time I was mentioning.
“Mindy,” she said.
“You told me that I was experimented on, that they weren’t trying to hurt me, they were trying to help in their own way by making me better, smarter. That the best thing for me to do was to try not to remember.” I felt a tear slide down my cheek. “Did you know that I couldn’t, Mom?”
She paused, then nodded. “I’m sorry, Mindy. They told us it was for the best.”
“Who did?”
“The Kalybrians. They told us about what had happened to you, and said that from all of the trauma associated…well, it would be better if you didn’t remember. They were worried you’d go mad. So they put up memory blocks.”
I frowned. “So, let me get this straight. While they were opening up my brain and rearranging things to make me smarter, these aliens also decided to block all my memories of my time there.”
My mother nodded. “It was for the best, Mindy.” She cleared her throat. “You didn’t see yourself when you came back.”
“I was in a coma!”
She shook her head. “No, you weren’t. Not when you first arrived. You were wide awake. And you were screaming.” She shuddered. “I still hear your screams when I’m trying to fall asleep. Lord, it was terrible. You scratched and clawed anyone who tried to come near you, even me and your father. The Kalybrians said that the blocks would help.”
“Wait, you let them put blocks up? After what else they did to me?” I got to my feet in horror.
She tried to touch me, and I dodged her hand like it was poisoned. “Mindy, you don’t understand. You can’t understand.” She wiped her eyes with a handkerchief. “The Kalybri were horrified about what happened…”
“They should be!”
“And so was I. I had done this to you, I had unwillingly put you into the hands of monsters, and I wanted to make things right.”
“By doing it again?”
“They said it would make you better. And it did.”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me about it?” I asked, crossing my arms on my chest. “Why did you lie to me? Did you know that anytime someone even brings up Kalybri I get a headache?”
“If you knew, you’d just make it worse by trying to think about what happened. They told us with the blocks would come a side effect.”
“What about the dreams? And the voices?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. After it first happened, you had dreams for a while—until we figured out that hormone fluctuations would for some reason work against the blocks, your subconscious working its way around them.”
“Well, my headaches are all the time, not just when I try to think of Kalybri.” Even I had a feeling I knew what that meant. “I think the blocks are beginning to fail, Mom.”
My mother was turning pale. “Oh God, Mindy, I’m so sorry. I never should have let you go there. We thought it would be the best thing for your future, we never dreamed…The decision has haunted me every day since.”
“Is that why you’ve avoided me since I came back?”
“I never!” she blustered, until I fixed her with a glare. “I might have buried myself a bit in my work, but I never avoided you. No more than you’ve avoided me.”
A knock sounded on the door behind me, and we both turned to
“You don’t want to remember, Mindy,” my mother said in a quiet voice.
I smacked my palms on the top of her desk. “No, Mom, that’s not it. Paul’s right, I can’t remember. There’s a huge gap in my memory from the day you put me on the ship with the Kalybrians to the day when I woke up back here.” I took a deep breath, feeling my head pound and nausea burn in my throat. “The day I woke up back here in considerable pain and thousands of times smarter.”
My mother’s eyes actually filled with tears, the second time I ever remember seeing her cry. The first was the very time I was mentioning.
“Mindy,” she said.
“You told me that I was experimented on, that they weren’t trying to hurt me, they were trying to help in their own way by making me better, smarter. That the best thing for me to do was to try not to remember.” I felt a tear slide down my cheek. “Did you know that I couldn’t, Mom?”
She paused, then nodded. “I’m sorry, Mindy. They told us it was for the best.”
“Who did?”
“The Kalybrians. They told us about what had happened to you, and said that from all of the trauma associated…well, it would be better if you didn’t remember. They were worried you’d go mad. So they put up memory blocks.”
I frowned. “So, let me get this straight. While they were opening up my brain and rearranging things to make me smarter, these aliens also decided to block all my memories of my time there.”
My mother nodded. “It was for the best, Mindy.” She cleared her throat. “You didn’t see yourself when you came back.”
“I was in a coma!”
She shook her head. “No, you weren’t. Not when you first arrived. You were wide awake. And you were screaming.” She shuddered. “I still hear your screams when I’m trying to fall asleep. Lord, it was terrible. You scratched and clawed anyone who tried to come near you, even me and your father. The Kalybrians said that the blocks would help.”
“Wait, you let them put blocks up? After what else they did to me?” I got to my feet in horror.
She tried to touch me, and I dodged her hand like it was poisoned. “Mindy, you don’t understand. You can’t understand.” She wiped her eyes with a handkerchief. “The Kalybri were horrified about what happened…”
“They should be!”
“And so was I. I had done this to you, I had unwillingly put you into the hands of monsters, and I wanted to make things right.”
“By doing it again?”
“They said it would make you better. And it did.”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me about it?” I asked, crossing my arms on my chest. “Why did you lie to me? Did you know that anytime someone even brings up Kalybri I get a headache?”
“If you knew, you’d just make it worse by trying to think about what happened. They told us with the blocks would come a side effect.”
“What about the dreams? And the voices?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. After it first happened, you had dreams for a while—until we figured out that hormone fluctuations would for some reason work against the blocks, your subconscious working its way around them.”
“Well, my headaches are all the time, not just when I try to think of Kalybri.” Even I had a feeling I knew what that meant. “I think the blocks are beginning to fail, Mom.”
My mother was turning pale. “Oh God, Mindy, I’m so sorry. I never should have let you go there. We thought it would be the best thing for your future, we never dreamed…The decision has haunted me every day since.”
“Is that why you’ve avoided me since I came back?”
“I never!” she blustered, until I fixed her with a glare. “I might have buried myself a bit in my work, but I never avoided you. No more than you’ve avoided me.”
A knock sounded on the door behind me, and we both turned to
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