Tasting, Finding, Keeping: The Story of Never by C.M. Stunich Page A
Authors: C.M. Stunich
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pretty eyes go all bloodshot like she's been smoking pot or something. I always thought she was prettiest like that though, raw and not so perfect as she pretends to be. I miss her, and I hate her.
“Why?” I ask that one single word, and Beth goes silent. People are shouting in the background. I don't know which people, my sisters or maybe even my mom, but I'm definitely not ready to talk to her yet. I don't even know why I called. After five years, I just up and do it in the middle of a fucking clinic? Is it Ty? Is it me? What is it? Maybe it's because I know that I'm here for a reason, Ty brought me here for a reason, and if it's to find out that I've got something, that I'm going to die, I need to get this off of my chest or my spirit really will just disintegrate and become nothing. I swallow my anger at Beth for just a moment. “Why didn't you stand up for me when you knew I was right?” Beth stays silent, and I watch the clock across the room from me, hanging over the other Never's head like a halo.
Ticktock, she says.
“Oh, Never, where are you? Are you safe?” she blurts out.
The door across the room opens and Ty emerges with a small bandage on his elbow. When he first steps out, he's smiling, but as soon as he sees my face, he practically runs across the office and kneels down beside me. I look at him looking up at me.
“Are you okay?” he asks again, and I can see he's worried that bringing me here was a mistake. What he doesn't know is that this day, this blip in the reel of life events that will inevitably define who and why and how and what Never Ross and Ty McCabe are, is the most important day of all, the turning point for both of us. That's why it's hard; it has to be hard or it wouldn't count. That's the rule of the universe, I suppose. As Andrew Carnegie once said, Anyt hing in life worth having is worth working for!
I don't respond to Ty's question because I'm not sure of the answer.
“Never? Never? Answer me, please, god,” Beth sobs as Ty pulls the phone from my stiff fingers, looks at the screen and then puts it to his ear.
“She's having a crisis of character at the moment,” Ty says as he gives me the world's smallest, cutest smile. “I'll have her call you back.” He hangs up, and then slips the phone into the front packet of the coat. “This is your secret?” he asks, and he sounds awfully broken up about it. Ty moves from the floor and sits on the chair next to me, taking my hand in his and weaving his ringed fingers through mine.
“Part of it,” I admit as the door in the back opens once again and reveals the smiley lady with the ponytail and the perfect teeth.
“Never Ross?”
I close my eyes and gather courage around myself, all of it that I can muster. I have that in spades, you know. It takes a lot of courage to go through life in the dark. Most people have a nightlight, something to chase away the monsters and beautify the storm, but I've never had that, so I've learned to be brave. I might fuck strange people and I might cry and maybe I smoke too much, but I know how to deal, so that's what I'm going to do.
“Never,” Ty whispers so close to my ear that I can feel his hot breath against my skin. In spite of the situation, it makes me shiver. “It's your turn.”
I open up my eyes and rise to my feet. All the while my hands are shaking, and the mortal me still sits beneath a plastic clock in a plastic chair and smiles.
19
I cry through my entire examination.
I cry when they ask me routine questions.
When was your last sexual encounter? Who was your last sexual partner? How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime? Do you use protection?
I cry when they take my weight and my height and my blood pressure.
Five foot seven, one hundred and forty-one pounds, the perfect 120/80.
I cry when they ask me to remove my jacket.
It smells like cigarettes and dangerous boys with broken hearts, like a shield against painful reality.
When I first start to
“Why?” I ask that one single word, and Beth goes silent. People are shouting in the background. I don't know which people, my sisters or maybe even my mom, but I'm definitely not ready to talk to her yet. I don't even know why I called. After five years, I just up and do it in the middle of a fucking clinic? Is it Ty? Is it me? What is it? Maybe it's because I know that I'm here for a reason, Ty brought me here for a reason, and if it's to find out that I've got something, that I'm going to die, I need to get this off of my chest or my spirit really will just disintegrate and become nothing. I swallow my anger at Beth for just a moment. “Why didn't you stand up for me when you knew I was right?” Beth stays silent, and I watch the clock across the room from me, hanging over the other Never's head like a halo.
Ticktock, she says.
“Oh, Never, where are you? Are you safe?” she blurts out.
The door across the room opens and Ty emerges with a small bandage on his elbow. When he first steps out, he's smiling, but as soon as he sees my face, he practically runs across the office and kneels down beside me. I look at him looking up at me.
“Are you okay?” he asks again, and I can see he's worried that bringing me here was a mistake. What he doesn't know is that this day, this blip in the reel of life events that will inevitably define who and why and how and what Never Ross and Ty McCabe are, is the most important day of all, the turning point for both of us. That's why it's hard; it has to be hard or it wouldn't count. That's the rule of the universe, I suppose. As Andrew Carnegie once said, Anyt hing in life worth having is worth working for!
I don't respond to Ty's question because I'm not sure of the answer.
“Never? Never? Answer me, please, god,” Beth sobs as Ty pulls the phone from my stiff fingers, looks at the screen and then puts it to his ear.
“She's having a crisis of character at the moment,” Ty says as he gives me the world's smallest, cutest smile. “I'll have her call you back.” He hangs up, and then slips the phone into the front packet of the coat. “This is your secret?” he asks, and he sounds awfully broken up about it. Ty moves from the floor and sits on the chair next to me, taking my hand in his and weaving his ringed fingers through mine.
“Part of it,” I admit as the door in the back opens once again and reveals the smiley lady with the ponytail and the perfect teeth.
“Never Ross?”
I close my eyes and gather courage around myself, all of it that I can muster. I have that in spades, you know. It takes a lot of courage to go through life in the dark. Most people have a nightlight, something to chase away the monsters and beautify the storm, but I've never had that, so I've learned to be brave. I might fuck strange people and I might cry and maybe I smoke too much, but I know how to deal, so that's what I'm going to do.
“Never,” Ty whispers so close to my ear that I can feel his hot breath against my skin. In spite of the situation, it makes me shiver. “It's your turn.”
I open up my eyes and rise to my feet. All the while my hands are shaking, and the mortal me still sits beneath a plastic clock in a plastic chair and smiles.
19
I cry through my entire examination.
I cry when they ask me routine questions.
When was your last sexual encounter? Who was your last sexual partner? How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime? Do you use protection?
I cry when they take my weight and my height and my blood pressure.
Five foot seven, one hundred and forty-one pounds, the perfect 120/80.
I cry when they ask me to remove my jacket.
It smells like cigarettes and dangerous boys with broken hearts, like a shield against painful reality.
When I first start to
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